Day 12: "Privy Counsel"

[Lawrene0]

Such nice and useful topics from the rest of you, and here I am talking about the bathroom.

But it's new! Brand new this month! I'm dying to tell you about it.

To begin, for six years I have asked my guests to carry their food, water, and sleeping bags a kilometre down a footpath through the woods. Once at the treehouse, they got no wifi, no electricity, no plumbing. Kitchen access? No. If they wanted to cook, they had to make a fire. Same if they wanted warmth. If they wanted a bathroom? Ha! They had to make that themselves, too. 

And they call me a superhost.

The secret to getting five stars for severe deprivation is to tap into the hiker crowd. You good hosts, understandably and wisely, discourage them, with their dirty boots and backpacks and toques. I love them. I'm one of them. 

But then our listing got noticed by non-hikers, who started to book in droves.

They are nice, too, and I can see why you want them, smelling of shampoo as they do. 

But leave-no-trace camping turns out not to be their thing, and suddenly our eco-friendly cat-hole system that had been given the green light by the rivershed conservation authority was unsustainable without extra hours of work by me. Like you, I don't have extra hours. I couldn't keep up.

With this influx of instant-booking new-to-the-outdoors guests, I would either have to delist or think up a system they might embrace. The solution was to build an outhouse 400 metres up the path away from the river. Less than 400 metres, and it would have been within the floodplain. Do not picture an outhouse in a floodplain. Oh, you have already? Sorry.

It's lovely though, this one, all piney and clean and following our township sanitation rules. Works like a charm. Harry, the designer, is brilliant.

Immediately a deer mouse applied to be co-host with the duty of shredding the toilet paper, but Harry is keeping her out now with a metal door sweep. I had to add a screen to the moon-and-star cutout to thwart the sparrows. The raccoons are hibernating, so they won't be trying to book it for a party until spring. 

I am upping my nightly price, given this great luxury, but no plans to apply for Plus or Beyond yet. 😉

[Lawrene0]

Cool story, @Robin4. Just deserts and all that. 

What you call a two-stander, we call a two-seater or two-holer. I have always wondered who amongst us chooses to go in pairs. Guess it's a timesaver. 

Ours doesn't qualify as a long-drop, as we've gone all modern and have set up a composting system that involves woodchips (our carpentry woodshop is the generous source), a biobag (a biodegradable bag made of cornstarch - that is not entirely necessary, but is nicer for me, the cleaner), and a composter elsewhere on the property. So it is technically a bucket toilet, or, I read somewhere, "Mongolian style". Short-drop for sure.

Suitable only for one or two-night stays, and that is mostly what we get, especially in winter. For longer, I will have to work out a cleaning schedule with the guest. 

I asked my guests for input, and they have been wonderful for letting me know what would make it nicer. Coathooks, a solar light, sawdust pail location, shelf for smartphone. I will say no, though, if one of them asks for a tyre tube...

[Sarah977]

@Lawrene0  Shelf for smart phone, that's hilarious. I find it so bizarre that everyone walks around with a smart phone in their hand these days, as if it's an extra appendage. So now they can't even go to the bathroom without it? Unreal.

[Susan151]

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@Sarah977 wrote:

@Lawrene0  Shelf for smart phone, that's hilarious. I find it so bizarre that everyone walks around with a smart phone in their hand these days, as if it's an extra appendage. So now they can't even go to the bathroom without it? Unreal.

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The cell phone is their flashlight! It is how they find their way to the "throne." Great for finding magnets under a range as well.

[Sarah977]

@Susan151  Oh, silly me, I never even thought of that- I still use a real flashlight and camera. I was thinking they couldn't bear to miss something, like this morning's facebook photo of their high school friend's (who they haven't seen in 25 years) breakfast or 50th cute thing their cat did this week.

[Huma0]

@Sarah977

This time last year, I was also adding new bathrooms to my listing, including what we in the UK call a 'cloakroom', but I hear is called a 'powder room' or 'half bath' in North America. While I was shopping around for accessories, I came across one of those toilet roll holders with a shelf for your phone, in the same aged brass finish as the rest of the fittings. It was on sale, so I thought, why not? Might be useful...

Well, it works perfectly well as a toilet roll holder, but I have no idea if anyone uses it to store their phone while doing their business (I haven't asked). I have only put my phone on it once and then spent the next hour hunting around for where on earth I had left it, not quite figuring out where the ringing was coming from!

[Robin4]

@Lawrene0

The term 'stand' is peculiar to the shearing industry Lawrene, and your expression would be the more widely accepted one.

When a team of shearers are at work, they work on what is called a 'board' and each shearer has a 'stand' where with a drive shaft and a what looks like a large barbers electric clippers they remove the fleece wool from the sheep.

Here is the Commonwealth Hill 8 stand shearing board. I was fortunately enough to class that property in 1969 and again in, 70..

You can imaghine the flurry of activity when 8 shearers were at work there!

It was logical that the expression carried through from the shearing shed to the ablution 'block'.

See, you have opened the floodgates now ...lighting, coathooks, next thing they will desire a heated seat to keep their posterior warm during these colder months!

I can understand the phone shelf though! A phone retailer told me a few weeks ago more mobile phones are lost as a result of going to the toilet than any other single reason! They fall out of clothing pockets and I guess a little shelf may help you keep on getting those 5 stars there Lawrene.

Cheers......Rob

[Βασίλης-and-Ann0]

@Lawrene0 

Great new addition, Lawrene.

Definitely 5 stars !!  The critters seem to think so, too.  ;-D

[Clara116]

@Lawrene0 Hi, what a delightful post lawrene! YOur writing style was very joyful to read and a real pleasure. Your new addition is really special and so well thought out Hats off to Harry. Thanks for sharing your joy!

Happy Hosting, Clara

[Cathie19]

I love your new addition @Lawrene0. The out house, the long drop, the short drop, the shovel and every global combination to take a #*ap.

Some with stench so high, you would run a mile...... 

But whatever type of hiker or backpacker any of us are or have been, I’m sure the focal point of conversation always comes back to the loos well travelled. 

For your enjoyment, here is a sign from a toilet in a cafe in China. I can only be grateful I didn’t have the need!

[Lawrene0]

Turnarounds would certainly be shorter and easier for all of us if this were a house rule, @Cathie19...

[Mariann4]

Ahhh @Lawrene0! It was almost like seeing my own outhouse at our cabin! Except we don't have the stars and the moon... We have a window above the seat, I imagine the shed was built by men used to standing up... Also our wood-shed is built in the same shed. So you have to use the right door to do the right business. Convenient though, since no-one wants to go outside at wintertime only to fetch some firewood but do need to use the loo. So everyone going to the toilet brings back a good load of wood into the cabin 🙂 As a child I always had issues about how to put down the flashlight to make sure it lit up the room without blinding me, and not having to wave the tp around to check the cleansing process. So much easier today with these headlights 🙂

Lovely outhouse! 🙂

Mariann 🙂

[Zappa0]

Very cool! I try and tap into that crowd as well with boatcamping

[Sayny0]

Hi,  that's an interesting idea..Congratulations, the experience they get makes your accomodation a very unique. May be try come to Suva Fiji next time and try Fiji's Airnb hospitality too..Cheers