Day 21: Less Is More

[Gillian166]

Tis the season… for over indulging in delicious seasonal treats, tolerating family members and dealing with a lot of organisational stress. I’m lucky this year to only have 6 at my table for xmas, although I’m sad other family members are elsewhere it’s a relief to have a simple xmas after a very stressful year, and many years of hosting very large family gatherings., and to be honest I’m not even doing much planning ahead of time, dinner for 6 is not even remotely a challenge! If we make trifle, pecan pie and caramel tart (all my faves) who will eat all of that dessert? #happyfirstworldproblems But here’s the segue onto a personal philosophy I’ve been embracing for a few years now.

minimalism.

Whatever this conjures up for you (clean, nordic looking empty rooms, or cold sterile spaces devoid of personal knick knacks) I will say it’s not quite like that, you are allowed to have personal items! I have a lovely collection of vintage items that I use as decor, and in my house, books are allowed! Minimalism is more than just “throwing out stuff you don’t use”,  rather it’s a total philosophy for life. I call minimalism a “journey” because 1) it never ends (a little like weight loss, or addiction, or battling a mental health disorder) and 2) you’ll have slip ups, so knowing you are committed to this allows you to forgive yourself when you realise somehow you’ve accumulated another 12 coffee cups this year…  

As I type this I am in my new office surrounded by boxes in various states of decanting, and every surface is piled high with “things” and it is really unpleasant to be in here, likewise the rest of my house looks like this. Usually my office is very tidy, everything has a place and it’s pretty, filled with plants and a few personal items, I know I will get this new space under control but it’s really amazing how on edge I feel walking into this room, usually if the rest of the house is a bit untidy I know my office is my haven. Right now the entire house is shouting at me, creating the “silent to-do list” that is cluttering my brain. I can’t walk anyway without seeing jobs that need to be done.

My fave Youtube channel for minimalism tips, The Minimal Mom, has this term: “managing inventory”. That’s what the “stuff” is in your life: inventory you have to manage. And the simple equation is that the less stuff you have, the less you have to manage.  This was such a lightbulb moment for me when I first heard it, because I hadn’t considered that all that stuff packed away in boxes was “inventory” let alone me “managing” it, and I looked back on my life (esp when I had little kids) and realised that one of things that was so challenging and depressing about motherhood was the endless tidying and cleaning and “inventory management”  and now I see why I often felt so overwhelmed.  

If you want to start soft and gentle, you can start with the Marie Kondo trick: does this spark joy? (Or perhaps my more pessimistic version: does this remind me of something I’d rather forget?  Lol, guess I’ll never sell self-help books with that attitude), but if you want to get more serious about minimalism you can try: did I use this in the past 1/2/3 years? (Baby step is: 3years, for me it’s a 1 year test, not including things like xmas decorations, although even there I’ve learned to give away a lot, today I gave away a whole bag of gold xmas decorations to our tiler because I’m not using gold this year, didn’t last year and won’t next year, so let it go! And I will confess, I still have a few items of clothing I just love too much even if they don’t fit me so well nowadays, that I keep tucked away in a drawer, but it’s only 2 things, and my drawers are not overflowing so I allow myself these small indulgences.  You can also try the Swedish Death Cleaning (in a nutshell: you imagine you are are dead and your family has to sort through your stuff you’ve left behind, and frankly, they are probably going to throw out 80% of it, and feel guilty, so why not help them out now?)  For me, minimalism is addictive. Once you start removing unnecessary things from your life, the freedom you feel is amazing, and you want to do more and more. In my last house I had a whole drawer in my kitchen that was empty. Empty! And I mostly kept it that way for 2 years. There was something very symbolic for me about that empty drawer that made me feel at peace, or in control, or something. Who could have predicted that such a seemingly simple thing could be so profound to me?

Actually moving house is an excellent way to declutter. We’ve moved 4 times in the past 3 years, and you realise that you have been carting things around the country and not using them. My teens even had boxes from 2019 they hadn’t unpacked yet. I’ve moved to a much larger home so I have the luxury of more space, and we run 3 STRs here so I also have the space to put extra items elsewhere, but still I don’t allow myself to hang on to things that are unnecessary, nor do I want to clutter up my STRs. During my packing up process I made a lot of trips to our local op shop*, and still today in this new location I took a boot load of stuff to my new local place, and already I have a new bag of donations ready to go. 

For our own business:  we can offer our guests a clutter free space that gives them that same feeling of freedom. Clutter in your STR is just a dust magnet, a breakable object that guests have to tiptoe around (as a guest I personally move breakable objects into cupboards), or it’s something that doesn’t “spark joy” for them. I’m not suggesting you have a sterile room with no decor, but we are providing an aspirational living experience (unlike a hotel) and even if they don’t realise it, one of the wonderful things about holidays is that we get to be free of our homes and the “silent to-do list”, and allowing guests to only think about the important things: food, family and leisure will surely give them the best experience.

Now here’s comes the life lesson part that has really got me thinking: this decluttering thing doesn’t just work for “things” but it also works for: feelings, emotions, habits, and even people. If you take stock of your mental health you might realise you are carrying thoughts around that are actually a burden to you, are you maintaining friendships that aren’t really satisfying? For me I gave up on Facebook about 7 years ago. Now I’m not advocating you unfriend people based on the wrong reasons (like you disagree on politics or favourite wine style, those are wonderful differences to have), but harbouring emotions and resentments is just clutter for your brain that can be quite unhealthy. I guess the old saying “let bygones be bygones” applies here, the toxic media encourages us to “cancel” instead of forgive, or ignore, and I don’t see this as a healthy way to live with each other. 

So, less stuff = less stress. Seems obvious, but of course getting rid of stuff is challenging for most of us, and kind of the opposite of the (modern) Christmas traditions. It pains me to buy things for my grown kids that I know will have a limited shelf life, but they assure me they “need”. Embracing minimalism is easier as an older person, because I know that it’s not “things” that make you happy, and I’ve had some great experiences with nice homes, German vehicles, overseas holidays…. In my experience when you run in that world you can never find happiness because everyone is chasing a new high (and at a higher cost). And what we offer to our guests on our farm taps into the very opposite: slow down, ignore the outside world, breathe in fresh air, make a pizza and drink a local wine….. here the luxury is turning off the outside world for a few days.

*op shop (opportunity shop) = thrift store

I thought I’d have a whole list of aussie slang but that’s it. How sad, I did not represent well.😂

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

From a maximalist to a minimalist...

What you say makes a whole lot of sense.

However, I do have a bit of a problem with the Marie Konde method or, at least, what I have gleaned from it watching her TV shows... Before people go and chuck out a load of stuff, stop and think. I feel that a lot of people have been encouraged to 'cull' but not really deal with their purchasing/accumulation problems, so will just end up replacing the stuff they chuck out with new things and then it becomes an endless cycle.

I know quite a few minimalists who have lovely, clutter-free homes. I can tell you though that a lot of those people are no less materialistic than the rest of us. They buy, they chuck it out, then they buy something else. And dumping everything at the nearest charity store is not the solution. I don't know how it is around the world, but charity shops here are inundated with stuff they can't sell or don't have room for, so the majority of it actually goes to landfill. If you do not donate thoughtfully, it's as bad as chucking it in the trash.

To me, it's more about seeing the 'value' of things. And, unfortunately, this does inevitably result in some form of hoarding. I always think, "Oh well, this might come in useful someday..." or "This is perfectly good, so why would I throw it out?"

To be honest, I think there are dangers in both approaches. So, the thing is to find some balance. There is a lot I can let go off, I just want to figure out the best way to get rid of it. Some can be gifted (if you know someone would actually want it), some sold, some repurposed. I would just urge everyone to THINK about it first.

So, even though it is technically illegal here (called flytipping), I do put things outside my house, usually with a note telling people to feel free to take it and listing defects if there are any, rather than dumping it at a charity shop. If no one takes it, I'll bring it back inside rather than just leave it littering the street, but 95% of the time, someone else has a use for it. One man's (or woman's) trash, as they say, is another's treasure.

And of course, people should donate to charity, but just do a bit of research first into the items that they actually want and and need.

[Gillian166]

@Huma0  yes, you have a good point. 

The whole process of minimalism is very much a mindshift. A bit like when people go on a diet and they start creating low-cal desserts or other "cheat" foods, and I'm thinking: no, you have to learn to skip or ditch desserts, you have to change your mindset.  Not everyone is going to do that I guess, like anything, you have to want to make the change before it will actually work. 

I also didn't love the Marie Kondo way, because it sort of encourages you to throw away stuff and then replace it with things that you do love, and this could get expensive (and that goes against my frugal nature). I also can't get into her folding technique, she really should try it with my husband's wardrobe of bulky farm shirts and trousers, those things don't meekly fold into tidy and tiny rectangles, nor do I have the time for such laundry origami. I do have a system of course, but I found her method to be too laborious for me, mine is a fast fold in half and roll it up...  still an organised system but just not as pretty. 

"This is perfectly good, so why would I throw it out?"

because you don't need it, and it's just another item you have to catalogue in your inventory library and remember you have, for a future "maybe" use. I'm just so over having to manage a million items I hardly use, when i can live without them. 

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I found the Marie Kondo shows fun to watch, but I've not tried out her methods, other than to reuse small boxes to organise bits and bobs in some drawers (pens, cables, pen drives, that sort of thing). I think she is right that you don't need to spend lots of money on expensive storage 'solutions'. 

But the folding. No. Firstly, that assumes that everyone has lots of drawers as opposed to shelves and hanging space in their bedrooms. Also, I don't have time to iron stuff when I am rushing to get out the door and to a meeting. Folding everything into tiny parcels = creases. 

I also think when decluttering or tidying, it's best to tackle one room at a time, one drawer or cupboard at a time (something I am hopeless at as I just get distracted) and sort things into categories, e.g. keep, donate, recycle etc. However, the idea of throwing ALL my clothes on the bed is absolutely terrifying and it's never going to happen!

Long before 'spark joy', there was a saying that everything in your home should be either beautiful or useful, but preferably both. That's an adage that I try to live by. The problem is that I think almost anything will be useful some day (and it often is, but maybe not often enough) and a penchant for collecting pretty things...

[Gillian166]

@Huma0  I was already doing a lot of what she suggested. I'm quite frugal so I have been doing the box inside the drawer thing for years (Apple boxes are the best, sturdy and quite pretty). 

I'm a bit of a sucker for pretty glass bottles and jars, which i re-use as drinking bottles, vases, candle votives or just holders for items. It was very hard to ditch those in this latest move (I did keep about 4) but I know I'll be able to build up the collection again. I still have my vintage trinkets but those are special items, and I'm more than happy to "manage" them. 

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

Yes, moving house certainly makes you realise how much stuff you have! I have been living in this house since 2009, and have accumulated soooo many things as it's much larger than my previous home. I would absolutely dread moving right now.

[Laurelle3]

@Gillian166 thank you for making us think of taking steps to become a minimalist.

      Before our last move each week I put items into different piles; charity shops, family and friends, local for sale page, recycle refuge shop or the bin. But the next step is take them to the places that they are to go to.

      But, my problem is that I collect items for my crafts such as; sewing materials, cottons, papers for scrapbooking and card, cooking cake tins and ingredients. Now my new craft is mosaics collecting different coloured tiles, plates and broken china.

     However, I do like Marie Kondo style of folding clothes because you can see and fit more in the drawers. As for the towels and bulky items, I am into fold and roll and they fit in the cupboards and you can see what you have.

      The real problem is when you set up your Airbnb you have to have a replacement items and when it is linen I have 3. One in the wash, one on, one spare and then you have to find storage.

      Our Airbnb is decorated and designed for the minimalist style for a reduced effort with cleaning especially for the Covid clean.

       I would like to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas without too much rain as the paddocks must be green or have lots of puddles on the farm in South Australia.

[Gillian166]

@Laurelle3  I just took a very deep breath and gave away 95% of my crafting stuff. I even had the original Cricut machine and I tried to sell in on FB marketplace but no takers, so I packed it away, plus ALL the other bits and pieces and sent them to the Op Shop. That was hard, but the truth is I haven't used that stuff in years, and I'm unlikely to find the time to do this year. I still have one small bag of stuff, and of course I kept my paper trimmers and few punches, but all the stamps, stickers, most of the ribbons, papers, etc all gone to someone who will appreciate them. 

I had a lot of prop items too for photography, and I got rid of 80% of those too. 

I was already rolling clothes long before Marie Kondo came along, but it's her upright method for shorts/pants that made me laugh, doesn't quite work on the the farmboy's shirts and pants!  But hey, I still cannot fold a large fitted sheet into a flat square. 

We have our laundry kitted out with those Ikea Kallax shelves, I have 3 x 16 squares, and 1 x 8 square. We were "lucky" in that the laundry hadn't been finished yet so i put those in the room and that's what we use now, and I have a trestle table as my folding table. It's still bursting with stuff no matter how much I try to cull, I have 8 beds here, so I also probably have about 24 sets of sheets, spare doonas, mattress protectors, lots of towels... it's a challenge to keep it organised! 

And we always like a little bit of rain here in summer in SA, usually it's super dry and bushfire season, but not so much that it upsets the fruit growers.... NSW has had all the rain it needs for a long while, from what I've seen as we travelled down from Qld. Hope you have a lovely Chrissy. xo

[Marlene76]

How excellent to hear of your discoveries as you de-clutter. I learned to let go of “stuff” once covid protocols were in place here, mostly because I was stuck inside for so long. I needed to change my environment to keep me sane and strong. That practice is in place today. For every new thing I acquire, at least two things need to go. Hurrah!

Wishing you a happy, uncluttered holiday season.

Marlene