Aggressive guest over 70years

in
London, United Kingdom
Level 2
365 Views

Hi there, 

Its my first time hosting which I was really excited about. I have had an 70 year old stay with me the last 3 weeks. First week was fine when her son dropped her off. She needed help with directions as she doesnt have a smart phone. So I printed out a map for her of the whole area and marked where the stations, bus stops local supermarkets where. The requested more blankets which I provided and also some sensor light for when she visits her personal bathroom at night. I even offered her some of my cooked food on the first week and I was MORE than happy for her to try my mums delivered cooking. She asked if i could print off her ticket to the V&A for here - Im always happy to help.

 

In the last 2 weeks she has become increasingly aggressive and demanding and argumentative complaining about the price she has paid. She has been slamming doors when I have refused to buy extra extra things for the room- which she should be buying personally. And when discussing her checkout which is in 5 days time, she said can checkout whatever time she wants. I explained this is how airbnb works you will need to leave by 12 and organise your move with your son as she has 5 suitcases.  Her behaviour has been absolutely disgusting, and shocking someone would treat anyones home like this. At first I was really worried she would give me a bad review because she was complaining but now the matter is bigger. But now I am going to have to be honest with her review, I feel bad because she is 70 but Im strongly worried for other hosts. Looking for advice and has anyone had such a guest before?

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Accepted Solutions

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Sayulita, Mexico
Level 10

@Linda108  Thanks for putting forth your perpective. As an over-70 myself, I can say that while I do have a friend my age who is suffering from dementia, the vast majority are not, nor are they complainers, people who aren't adaptable, or hard to get along with.

 

Being a diffficult guest transcends age. That the OP here indicates the guest becoming increasingly difficult, might indicate some mental issues, though. And she's probably quite upset that her son farmed her out.

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12 Replies

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Leeuwarden, The Netherlands
Level 10

@Sanj254 

What was the purpose of her stay ?

"her son dropped her off" gives me visions of "happy to get rid of her for 3 weeks...."

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
London, United Kingdom
Level 2

She is waiting for her flat purchase to complete and in the meantime said her son doesnt want her to be living with him.  @Emiel1 

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Wiarton, Canada
Level 10

@Sanj254, @Emiel1 

 

Sorry to hear this. My spouse worked in a retirement/nursing home community for 34 years.  Through him, I am pretty sure that I've heard almost everything.

 

A lot of seniors do not understand and can be difficult.  IMO,  take a deep breath, it's only 5 more days.  I think that the son was probably at wits end.  Cut them some slack please.  Everyone at some point needs to deal with elderly parents and it's not easy.

 

Contact the son, assuming he booked, (that's another concern), and ask for his help to deal with the situation.  He may have information to help you deal with the next 5 days.

 

And of course, please leave an honest review.

 

Good Luck!

 

Regards

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
England, United Kingdom
Level 10

I wonder if the guest has dementia.

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Sayulita, Mexico
Level 10

@Mike-And-Helen0  Definitely a possiblilty. Or she could just be an insufferable nasty complainer who's been like that all her life. Her son could probably shed some light on that.

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Arkansas, United States
Level 10

@Sanj254 


I’m sorry to hear about your unpleasant first experience but I hope you keep in mind that it won’t always be that unpleasant.

 

 I would be rather unhappy with the son as well. He doesn’t want her living with him, understandably, but he thinks it’s OK to send her to your house without any kind of warning?

 

For shame.

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Wiarton, Canada
Level 10

@Brian2036 @Sanj254 

 

So true, but also, in all fairness to the son, having parents age is tough at the best of times.

 

Personally, for the last year, I have been (at the suggestion of tbe Longterm Health Authority) preparing and delivering (185 km one way), weekly, meals for my inlaws, while running my Airbnb.

 

It's very tiring, and sometimes, a break is needed.

 

However, that being being said, it would have been more appropriate of the son to be forthright with information.

 

But to play devil's advocate, would the reservation have been accepted.

 

Tough call all around, we make choices by information we have at the moment of decision.

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
La Quinta, CA
Level 10

@Sanj254   As a non-grumpy, non-demanding, sweetheart of a person LOL...mid-70's mind you, I am a bit put off by the automatic association of poor guest behavior with the age of the guest.  Some people react to change in a negative way and these some people are all ages.  Dealing with a "roommate" for three weeks can get on anyone's nerves, yours and theirs.  It appears your role is a "helper" and understandably you have reached a limit of helping which is now casting you in a role of "limiter".   The guest is expecting you to make things better, according to her definition of what is needs correcting.  A cup of tea and conversation goes a long way in understanding her perspective and establishing you as a friendly face in her new area.  While it might be too late with this guest, if you are accepting guests for more than a week, taking time to get a clearer picture of what they expect through conversation also allows you to shape appropriate expectations and be helpful in finding resources as needed.  It also creates a rapport which most people will honor with good behavior.  

I no longer host more that a week at a time.  I found longer stays annoyed me, which is my character fault.  But if a person is by themselves and open to a bit of conversation, I enjoy getting to know them better.  

 

With respect to check out, if you can contact the son, perhaps you can discuss the check out time expectation with him.  

 

Perhaps you will continue to have challenging guests and my hope for you is that you will be able to gain from such interactions rather than be frustrated by them.  Good luck and keep us posted as to how this all works out.

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Sayulita, Mexico
Level 10

@Linda108  Thanks for putting forth your perpective. As an over-70 myself, I can say that while I do have a friend my age who is suffering from dementia, the vast majority are not, nor are they complainers, people who aren't adaptable, or hard to get along with.

 

Being a diffficult guest transcends age. That the OP here indicates the guest becoming increasingly difficult, might indicate some mental issues, though. And she's probably quite upset that her son farmed her out.

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Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
London, United Kingdom
Level 2

Hi @Linda108  thanks for your message and definitely feel I have gone from 'helper' to 'limiter' in her eyes. Its all unsettling because I had no warning of this. I am a warm person and someone who had built a report with her btw and we had some nice meals together and walked to the station a times together and now I feel she is crossing the line where maybe she is treating me as though I owe her something. She was given a very clear picture of what is included in the room and what isnt. e.g demanding a reading lamp, as she said the bedside table lamp is no good. I mentioned if this is a specific need you are welcome to buy one for yourself - she was very insulted by this. Turns out she HAS one but her one broke! 

 

A friend offered her a place to say, and suddenly she had a major issue on how much she is paying here and complained the shops are too far (8mins walk, clearly stated on my ad) and then when her friends offer fell through she said its all fine and responded with slamming doors, my front door handle is on the verge of breaking also. She is checking into another airbnb next week - one that is in a less central area and she will have to share the bathroom with the girl.

 

Correct she doesn't have dementia. @Sarah977 - just a general demanding attitude. I made it clear that her son needs to help her move because I wouldn't be around that day and she seems annoyed and responded with aggression. 

 

I think it is unfair of her son to put someone else in this position totally agree @Brian2036 I basically had to say to her, if your son cant be flexible to help you move on your checkout day you will have to move sooner in order for him to make arrangements. And poof - suddenly her son can help her move. 

 

Shame on her son 

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
Arkansas, United States
Level 10

@Sanj254 

 

I already feel sorry for the next host. It is unfortunate that she wasn’t able to see a review before she agreed to what will probably be an unpleasant experience for her also.

 

Regarding the review, perhaps it will not be terrible. If she doesn’t have the capability to write one perhaps the son will do it if it gets done at all.

 

 I think you should have a private word with him when he’s moving her out and very diplomatically explain that you tried to make her stay enjoyable and that you are very sorry that she was unhappy.

 

He might feel guilty about inflicting her on you and write a glowing review. I would wait until he posts a review before posting mine, and if they don’t write one I would wait until the last minute to post mine.

 

Regarding the comments about elderly people, I am also 70 years old and my parents are over 90. None of us would think of moving into someone else’s home and complaining about ANYTHING. That said, I’m well aware that not everyone is so considerate.

 

 I would not want to be in a position where people would try to use my house-share as a retirement home. You are not being paid to be a nurse, servant or companion. If you want to do that you should be paid much more.

 

We do have long-term elderly tenants in our condo in Panama though, and it would be impossible to find better, more considerate or responsible guests.

 

Again, we wish you the best of luck and hope that your next guest will be a model of proper decorum.

 

 

Re: Aggressive guest over 70years

in
London, United Kingdom
Level 2

Thank you @Brian2036 your response is so helpful to know and that exactly how i have felt,  as I suddenly felt she was converting me into lobby staff with her move. (i dont mind helping with bags) but she has accumulated alot of things, cupboards full of food which clearly she cant move and pack without significant amount of help. 

 

On day 1 I heard her son ask 'does she have a car?'  So he has totally enabled this setup.

 

During her 1st week here, she asked for a spare key to be left with a neighbour while I go to my mums for the weekend JUST IN CASE she cant get in. (her last airbnb did this apparently) I asked if she was nervous with sympathy and she said absolutely not!! It Ended up happening...where my neighbour had to show her how to use the lock again. I understand this might be distressing for her but She was trying to find out how often she is home - again so more helpers are around and indicating she is used to being let into places for her. I made it clear that she is not part of the airbnb booking and I dont know her well enough and she should consider if this place is for her if she doesnt feel she can get back in without someone being here.

 

My handle is so loose now from her forcing the handle the opposite direction over the last 3weeks shes is constantly in and out of the flat all day shopping, walks etc so its really had a beating, effected the security of my flat and is making a very loud squeaking sound across the flat but should I feel bad for taking from her deposit? But this is now a personal cost for me...

 

I totally agree if these extra requirements dont meet airbnb standards and I have been treated a career. She also feels she should have access to channels which need to be paid for. I must point out she is VERY internet savy, so she will be writing the review  - its just that she makes every decision with her son on the phone

 

I will have a kind word with him and mention she wasnt happy with her say here as she had expected alot more extra things and requirements which fall outside of the booking and my role. 

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