Bad/Mentally Unstable Guest

Alexis72
Level 2
London, United Kingdom

Bad/Mentally Unstable Guest

I wrote this review about a mentally unstable guest I just had... and of course she read it, has my phone number and is now harassing me.  She has threatened to kill herself a few times.. here's the review... now what do I do?

 

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I really don’t know what to say here.  Her stay began pleasantly enough and she brought me hand cream and dulce de leche which was very nice.  She also asked me if it was okay if a friend of hers came with her when she arrived because he was helping her with her bags which was of course fine with me.  Then she specifically told me without any prompting that she would never dream of having guests over because it was my home, which was encouraging because I specifically said in my ad that parties and overnight guests weren’t allowed. 

 

Within about four days she asked if she could borrow my shoes if she went out.  I said no immediately because it was such a bizarre request and then she said “like if I go out to a club or something’ and again I answered no.  Never in my life has someone asked to borrow my shoes, much less twice, much less someone I just met who’s staying in my house as a guest.

 

Then it became clear a few times that she was indeed having guests over – I came home one day from work and her ex-boyfriend and her were loudly rehearsing a scene (she’s an actress) in my living room.  Then I came home one day after work and she was out and there were the unwashed dishes of a meal for three or four people.  I found this odd because she made such a point of telling me she would never dream of having someone over.  I asked her to stop and then in conversation she told me later in the month that people had come over to bring her food and etc. and so not only was she still letting people into the flat while I was at work but she was lying about it and then messing up and telling me about it. 

 

Then one night I came over and men’s shoes were at my front door.  I was annoyed enough that she had an overnight guest over but then I went into my bedroom and found that she had put SOMEONE’S bicycle inside MY ROOM.  I don’t know if other people are better at coping with privacy invasions than I am, but entering my private room to put someone’s bicycle in it is a bit much for me.  I knocked on her door and no answer so I texted to explain how upset I was and her answer was that she “thought that’s where bicycles go”.  I mean come on – MY bicycles go in my room.  Some strange man’s bicycle does not.  Also, stay out of my room.  And keep strangers out of my room.  My god.

 

Much of her stay was spent with her sobbing about her ex-boyfriend’s behaviour though she spent a good portion of her stay having him come over (despite no guests) and being at his place.  She is not particularly mentally stable and at one point came home with mascara all over her face and neck and told me she wanted to kill herself.  I am not without empathy and spent a good portion of my month listening to her boy problems (and trying to explain that he’s not in fact giving off mixed signals but did in fact very clearly break up with her and tell her that all he wanted was to be friends).  I even leant her a self-help book to read.  But the general vibe was that she thought that a)  we were best friends b) I’m her mother c) I’m her therapist. I eventually just kept our conversations as professional as I could, stopped inquiring about the situation, and stopped sharing information about my life with her so she got the hint that this is a room-letting situation and I’m not here to take care of her emotionally. 

 

When the exhausting month was finally near it’s end, she mentioned she had changed her flights and needed somewhere to stay for ten days.  Against my better judgment I texted her to let her know that the room was available if she needed it and she said we needed to “discuss” it.  Finally I told her there wasn’t much to discuss, told her the room rate on AirBNB and told her to let me know ASAP one way or another.

 

She then proceeded to tell me she had been in Brighton for the weekend and the train trip and accommodation there had been so expensive that she couldn’t afford anywhere near my AirBNB rate (350 for ten days) and that she had found a place for 260 on AirBNB (something that I checked later on AirBNB and frankly, no room in London is that cheap including hostel beds).  I found it insulting beyond imagination that she was essentially asking me to give her 100 pounds of my money because she had just decided to go on vacation for the weekend, however I felt it entirely keeping with her character.  She asked what I would accept between 260 and my asking price and I told her I didn’t need to negotiate – it’s on AirBNB and if not, I’ll live without the money.   She also wanted to do it in cash and not through AirBNB and I would have felt extremely uncomfortable without the legal protection considering how often she let strangers into my flat when I wasn’t home and how freely she invaded my personal space.

 

Honestly, I think she’s an overgrown and immature child who thinks that adults should take care of her.  Also the choice of drama school isn’t an accident – she has very serious anxiety and depression, and I don’t need the drama of someone sobbing in my living room with mascara all over their face at 11pm over a boyfriend who dumped her explicitly and clearly on the phone a week before she flew to London to apply to drama school to be closer to him.  He wasn’t leading her on – he was clearly afraid of how unstable she is and was afraid to cut off contact. 

 

She is flat out not mentally stable.  I am generally a very caring person (I’m a primary school teacher and a good and respected one) but I don’t need to worry about taking care of someone who needs professional help and says she wants to kill herself. 

 

Do not do this to yourself.  Get money from a room from someone else.     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Replies 10
Cynthia-and-Chris1
Level 10
Vancouver, WA

While I don't agree with her harassing you, your reviews was a bit over the top explaining personal details, etc. While I agree you should tell the truth and warn other hosts, you could have accomplished that in half the words and still had the same effect. 

Clare0
Level 10
Templeton, CA

@Alexis72 since it is not clear where your review starts and ends. my first reaction is that was way too much information.   You could have summed up your experience with 2, possibly 3, sentences.  No need to go into detail especially since you know this will be publicly shown on her profile for all future hosts to see. 

I'm not condoning her drama, her boyfriend situation or anything else, but if this entire narrative was your review, it is truly as dramatic as she was and not necessary.  You could have given her a "thumbs down" and an explanation privately to Airbnb.  Her Airbnb review could simply say something like "Heather was not a suitable Airbnb guest" and left it at that.  Not surprised, given what you described, that she freaked out reading your review.   Likely she is already complaining to Airbnb about it. 

Keep in mind that what you write about a guest reflects on you as well.  If I were you, I would contact Airbnb and ask to have your review deleted since it contained (I think, can't tell) too much personal information about the guest.  

All the best, 

Clare

Kate157
Level 10
SF, CA

@Alexis72, there is no way you can make the assessments about her mental health that you did unless you are a professional. To post a review like this is appalling. You not only hung her out to dry, you fully called her names and embarrassed her. This is not professional. After all, you were willing to put up with her during her stay, and would have let her extend! If she was so bad, you could have called Airbnb and had them cancel her. Getting so personal in a review is just not called for. And yes, it was also way too long. Honestly, it says as much about you as it does about her, and does neither of you any good.

Really....REALLY, can I call airbnb about the NUT case I just had and had to call the police, give me a f'n break.!

Liz140
Level 4
Danville, IN

Alexis:

 

I am a retired nurse with a BA in psychology. I worked in mental health institutions and with many highly dosordered adults over the years. I was searching this forum because this is the 4th time this year, I have had a guest with severe mental health issues. Don't listen to any of the people on here putting you down for telling the specific details of what you endured. They obviously have their heads in the sand about this important issue. Your client sounds typical of a person with NPD, and we are seeing more and more of them in modern society. They can be violent when they don't get their way and serial killers are often diagnosed as having the most severe form of this disorder.

 

People need to know what sort of behaviors are unacceptable. In spite of my training, I was really taken by surprise, the first time a guest bahaved badly. At that time Airbnb leaned heavily in favor of guest satisfaction and asked me to put up with stuff that a sane person should never do. Thankfully, Airbnb has come to understand that some guests should not be in a shared space setting and /or are really bad, and they have developed a more balanced approach.

 

Always go with your gut and don't hesitate to bounce a guest who isn't working out. I'd get a friend to sit with you during the process while a guest is clearing out, so make sure the timing lines up with your presence. When you are a single female, sharing a space with someone, safety is your #1 concern. 

 

Liz

@Liz140  "Don't listen to any of the people on here putting you down for telling the specific details of what you endured."

No one here is putting the OP down for telling the specifc details of what she endured here on the forum. This is a good place to vent and get support and advice from other hosts. But when it comes to reviews, there is no need whatsoever to go into excruciating detail of why a guest was objectionable. There are concise ways to talk about a guest's transgressions and unsuitability in a review, no one needs to write a short story and long, ranting reviews make the writer, whether host or guest, look bad.

Lilianna0
Level 2
Richmond, Canada

Hello

 

I Agree with Liz, I am also educated in mental health and it seems like that was a mental health issue.

I just cancelled a guest who obviously had mental health issues and raised many red flags to me.

At some point I felt so uncomfortable that I stared fearing for my safety.  Do not ignore your gut feeling, I don’t care about loosing a star on my review, I care about comfort and safety for all in my home. 

 

 

Cormac0
Level 10
Kraków, Poland

@Alexis72 

 

 Its a fact of life we all write are own destiny, so block her number and move on with your life.

Rebecca993
Level 2
Bakersfield, CA

Blocking numbers do not work if they know where you live...which is my situation. 

Luana130
Level 10
State of Bahia, Brazil

Hi and wow... I have to say I did not read the entire review, and would not want to book her after the first line. But you also did a lot of damage to yourself with that review. Guests might not want to stay with you either after that. And it is a very personal review, that could even damage you on any claim she had. Be professional and keep it short. That guest seem like a nightmare but you cannot post all that. I would have done something like "I would not recommend xxx to any host. I felt very unsafe during her stay. She was very intrusive, did not follow the rules, had a lot of people over. Did not seem very stable, it was a trully terribĺe guest."

 

Also, lock your bedroom door, why would you leave ot open with other people in the house. And contact aribnb the minute you don't feel confortble. Have them kick her out. I would have called the minute I saw she was having people over, say you don't feel safe.