Guest asked host for sex - review or not to review

[Christina56]

Last week I hosted a guy from Mexico who was in town for the Microsoft conference.  His flight arrived very late on Sunday night.  I waited up for him till just after 1am.  We greeted each other and said good night.  I slept on the sofa in the living room as I always do and my guest slept in the bedroom.

The next night, my guest came home at 3am.  I was half awake due to my insomnia and stress from work.  Suddenly, he yells out my name.  I sat up with a start, thinking that there must be some sort of emergency.  After hosting over 200 people, no guest has ever directly woken me up like that.

He approached my sofabed and reached out for a hug.  He asked if I was okay and then said, "Would you like to join me in my bed?"  It was dark but I could see that his shirt was half unbuttoned.

I said no and he marched back into his room.  I couldn't sleep a wink for the rest of the week.

He did leave a note the next day apologizing about waking me up.  I felt awkward and scared around him.  We didn't see each other much because I work long hours and he was out partying every night.

Should I review this guest or not?  And what should I even write in the review?

[Bridget0 · Accepted solution]

If your good female friend was hosting this guy in her home, would you tell her? Of course you would.

"Guest woke me and asked me to go to bed with him. While he left the room when I declined I was disturbed. I would never rehost and would not recommend him to a shared living situation"

put out it also in the private to Airbnb section.

and thank you for doing so.

[Christina56]

Thanks for your response.  I have posted a review with text simular to what you suggested.

[Andrea-Jamie0]

Definitely put this in his review, so that other (female) hosts can make informed decisions about whether they want to host him. 

[Joanne20]

I second that!

[NanciandNathan0]

Yes please remark on this in the review!  Hosts need to know things like this!  I do host without Nathan being home and I would not accept a booking from someone capable of this. 

[Claudia119]

Yes Christina, please review!  It is important to future hosts.  Stick to the facts of the matter - "May not be a good match for future hosts when there are shared spaces,  as your experience included the guest stayed out late (3AM)  then upon arrival woke up host sleeping in a shared space to received a decline "NO" when make inappropriate bedroom invitation, and the next day, left apologetic note.

[Gerry-And-Rashid0]

I really struggle with people who have a stranger in their home, who makes sexual advances, and then that person allows the him to stay for the rest of the week.

Why would you do that? You put yourself in such danger?

It's an outrageous thing for him to have done, but I have to say I am just as shocked that you then let him remain in your home. It's crazy. You don't have to put up with that sort of behaviour in your own home.

Of course leave a review - at a minimum say that an unwanted approach was made to you which made you feel very uncomfortable.

[Christina56]

What would have been the steps to have him removed?

[Gerry-And-Rashid0]

You either tell him to leave - or you contact AirBnB and ask them to tell him to leave. It's not difficult to do. If you feel threatened then speak to the local police or have some friends around when he is leaving. 

[Christina56]

I have called the Airbnb number once before on a different incident. I was on hold for 30 minutes and gave up. Is it much easier to get a hold of someone in Airbnb UK?

I did contact friends and family about the guest but they concluded that if he hadn't reacted aggressively then it was probably ok.

Also, legally speaking, I don't believe there's actually grounds for calling the police.

And as I said, I wasn't around my apartment much due to long work hours and taking a course on the side.

[Donna15]

@Christina56, what an awful situation. 

I want to ask though why you sleep on the sofa while the guest gets the bedroom? Would it not be safer in general if the sofa were used by a guest, and you had the safety of a locked room? That way as well there'd be no disturbance to you if he or she arrived home late. 

Just wondering. 🙂

[Christina56]

I stay in the living room for several reasons.  Before this 1 bedroom apartment, I used to live in a studio apartment.  When I moved here, I did not use the bedroom until I started hosting on Airbnb.  I'm used to sleeping on the sofabed that had belonged to my great-grandmother.

I feel more free to make full use of my apartment if the guest and/or guests take the bedroom.  Generally, I'm out of the apartment by 7:30am for work.  My guests who are usually tourists could sleep in undisturbed.

Other than this particular male guest, I have had no problems with any other male guests in almost two full years of hosting back-to-back guests.  After the incident, it did cross my mind to not host males anymore.  But my next few guests who had already booked in advance, males and mixed gendered couples, were all normal users.  Normal as in they went about their business, I went about mine, we had short conversations if we happened to be home at the same time.  So my confidence in people was re-established.

[Dave-and-Deb0]

Its too bad @Christina56 that this happened to you and I now see that this guy deleted his account.

[Mandi-S-Just-Business-Ro0]

Here are some suggestions of what I've done :

1. Get out of the house. Guest may be drunk or high (or both). Get yourself out of danger.  It might mean going to a friend's home,  or to a coffee shop, or to a  "safe" room. or.....

2.invite a friend over.

3. Turn all the lights on and leave them on. 

4.If you cannot leave, call the police. That's what they're there for.

5.Call someone - or pretend to be talking on the phone. They are less likely to approach you. 

6.Think, think, think. In 20+ years of hosting guests, this has happened to  me repeatedly. I developed PTSD!

Is it really worth it?

If you are going to host, engineer situations where you have a "significant other", friend, or pal-who-is-a-copper dropping by or phoning regularly.  

Describe your home as clean and sober, party free, quiet, etc. as  a deterrent.  

No matter whatSleep with the door locked!