Guest with Out-of-Control Teenager

Anthony608
Level 10
Silver Spring, MD

Guest with Out-of-Control Teenager

I have been hosting for two weeks a very nice woman who is friendly, polite, and generally will comply and respond quickly if I bring up any issues about the house rules not being followed.  The problem is she also is staying with her son who is pretty much an out of control teenager. 

 

Every night the two have been having screaming fights, one of which woke up another guest.  The son threw a lamp on the floor, shattering the light bulb, and also caused a stain on the carpet when he was apparently drinking an open cup in bed, and dumped it on the floor.  Last but not least, the woman herself has been making red flag statements about wanting to use my home address on her son's school registration form and the other day sheepishly asked could she send mail to the house (a huge red flag which I strictly prohibit) showing she was living here.  That indicates she is trying to establish a permanent residence in the state and needs mail with a home address.  

 

I am obviously going to leave a negative review about these many issues, but what sort of tone should I use?  I think had her son not been with her, she would have been a normal guest with no issues.  Except perhaps for the mail issue, but that I think is related to trying to get her son registered in school. 

13 Replies 13
Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

@Anthony608  I would just write the review factually- the guest was friendly and personable, but her daily screaming fights with her teenager made her an unsuitable guest for a home-share.

 

When I saw the title of your post, I was expecting that the teen was blasting loud music all day, being purposely destructive, etc. Parents fighting with their teenagers isn't unusual, nor would I view it as the teen being "out of control",  but this mom obviously needs to learn some parenting skills and not be booking places where other people are subjected to listening to their fighting.

@Sarah977- Ironically, the teenager was not the main concern I had with this guest.  Her attempt to register her residency with my phone number, and to then send mail to house, is a huge red flag.  I think she is homeless, doesn't have a fixed address, and is running into problems with things like drivers license, school registration, etc all of which require a verified address in Maryland to proceed.

Lorna170
Level 10
Swannanoa, NC

@Anthony608   The parent can enroll her teenager in school even if homeless.  As a former VA school administration  employee, I know for a fact that schools in Maryland, DC and VA have processes in place to enroll homeless students.  According to the website relevant to Silver Spring (Montgomery County) MD schools:

 

Your child has the right to be enrolled in school without delay. You will need to
complete the following forms, available at all MCPS schools and on the MCPS
Web site:
■ MCPS Form 560-24: New Student Information and check the homeless box
■ MCPS Form 335-77: Homeless Status

 

In any event, your policy to not allow guests to use your address for mail, etc. is spot on.  Encourage this person to leave peacefully, and let her know that the school system and social services are able to assist her if she is indeed homeless.   In your review of the guest, be honest in that she was okay, but her son was not a good guest.

Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

To be honest, I would have asked this guest and her son to leave if their fights were disturbing other guests and the mother did not resolve the issue. @Anthony608 

@Helen3- I rarely turn down repeat guests or those who stay with me for lengthy periods of time unless there is a major problem or serious damage was caused to the room.  I have yet, in nearly three years now of AirBNB hosting, ever had to ask anyone to leave. 

 

Although, in the beginning of my hosting, there was a couple who if they stayed with me today, I would ask to leave.  They extended after a ten day reservation and we needed to do basic cleaning in the room like empty the trash, change the sheets, and do a quick vacuum.  This for sanitary reasons because I knew they had an overflowing trash can, half eaten food on the table, and dirty sheets and did not want this to continue for another week and a half.  The man said it was "not possible" and physically blocked the door to prevent myself and the housekeeper from entering the room.  That was a pretty bad guard, I actually thought for a time they were not going to leave either and try to squat in the house after their reservation was over.  If I had the experience I have today, they would have definitely been gone.

Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

We all host in different ways @Anthony608 . I have hosted hundreds of guests over 5 years and have never had to cancel a guests stay but I would have in the circumstances you describe. 

 

From my prospective you say you had an innocent guest who was having their stay disturbed by your mother and son  guests having nightly rows.

 

You asked the mother to ensure these row stop but they didn't .

 

In this situation absolutely I would have asked the rowing guest to leave because they were disturbing the innocent guest and failed to act on a warning not to continue.

@Helen3- You are correct.  It is true, they did not stop after a verbal warning but after they were sent one over the AirBNB message system,. the fighting stopped after that.

Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

Glad to hear it @Anthony608 .

 

Please leave an honest review.

@Helen3 @Sarah977 - Yes, I was initially struggling with the review since the guest (the mother) was very polite and always apologized about the many issues when I brought them up.  However, I found out just the other day she has apparently been smoking right outside our house (something prohibited in house rules) and was trying to hide it so I wouldn't know.  Also a issue of her entering off limits areas of the house, specifically to use the bathroom in my office, apparently because she doesn't want to wait if her son was in the shared guest bathroom.  This all shows to me lack of respect for house rules which, coupled with the attempt to have mail sent to the house and the loud arguments at night, make her not a very good AirBNB guest.

@Anthony608  She sounds like the type of person who says whatever she thinks someone wants to hear in the moment and thinks that takes the place of actually being respectful and responsible. It's a type I've unfortunately run into many times before. 

I don't put too much stock anymore in what people say- it's their actions that I care about.

Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

Oh @Anthony608  sadly this is what happens when problem guests get away with bad behaviour, they often go on to break further house rules and boundaries.

 

It is not polite to have screaming matches with your child every night and ignore your verbal request to stop.

 

You have shown her she can get away with bad behaviour if she just apologises.

 

What will it take to realise this guest is not a good fit for your property and ask Airbnb to cancel the booking?

@Helen3 @Sarah977 She was almost asked to leave a few days ago and as of today she only has a few days left.  What makes this situation somewhat tragic is that her son, which has caused the fighting and yelling late at night, is emotionally disturbed and on medication.  She confided this to me after I confronted her about the multiple violations of the house rules.  The very next day we had a brand new guest arrive in our second room and I made it clear to her that this was someone who didn't know anything about her (the previous guest had been there a week before her and knew about her many issues) and that late night fights and problems would result in her being asked to leave.  Since then, we've had actually no real problems.

@Anthony608  While it's good that she has managed to stop the disturbance, and sad that her son has mental or emotional issues, she is the parent. It's her responsibility to get some professional help to teach her how to deal with him effectively, and it's irresponsible of her to book a home share situation when she knows she has these issues to deal with.

 

I've known plenty of parents who have kids with issues, some of whom require medication, and have friends who are youth and family counselors who deal with these kinds of cases. Responsible parents don't engage in yelling fights on a nightly basis with their disturbed kids-they learn skills for dealing with them.

 

What is tragic is that she apparently hasn't sought out or received the help she obviously needs.