How do I establish boundaries with guests who refuse to listen?

How do I establish boundaries with guests who refuse to listen?

I am in the first few weeks of hosting, and this is the first time I have encountered "difficult guests." Until this week, I was excited to meet everyone, continually working to improve my guest experience, etc., but this has left me questioning everything. I would greatly appreciate any advice.
I rent out one room in my one bedroom apartment and sleep in the other. Days where one guest leaves and another arrives are a little stressful, but I always took these cleaning days to be part of the deal. My current guests arrived in New York early in the morning. I agreed to let them drop off their luggage before 4 PM check-in, assuming that we all understood that this meant that I was going to bring a suitcase into the house and leave it in the living room so they wouldn't have to schlep it all over the city, but not do anything that would disturb the guests who were scheduled to check out later in the day. Instead they arrived and stayed. We have a bit of a language barrier, but they did understand that I had other guests, just not why I couldn't push the other guests along now that they had arrived. Then they wanted pizza. Ordinarily there are three pizza places within a few blocks, but it was Sunday morning and a Jewish fast day (all kosher restaurants closed,) so the closest available pizza was five long blocks (as opposed to short blocks) away. I took them, both because they didn't seem up to following a map and to avoid making the previous guests uncomfortable. They were not happy with the walk.
The previous guests had checked out when we got home, so I set to work cleaning while the current guests sat in the living room.
And from there we never established the sort of boundaries that prevent resentment. (Or any boundary I tried to establish was resented and ignored.) They understand enough English for basic communication, but there is a fundamental disconnect. I asked them repeatedly not to use my computer (my work computer) unless I was present and specifically set it up for them on guest user (otherwise they can read my texts, emails, etc.,) but nonetheless came home to find them asking for my administrator password so they could download software. (Which was actually spam.) They seem genuinely disappointed and upset when I said no.
I spent hours trying to help them book a bus tour to Washington DC (I'm in New York,) but they never actually booked one, and now they are not going to DC, and I don't know if they think this is my fault.
In the midst of a heat wave, I believe at least five days passed with no one showering, and this inevitably resulted in an odor that eventually made its way out of the room and into the rest of the house. I changed the sheets once to minimize this, but it was back after one night.
Tomorrow they check out and someone else checks in, and they are pushing against my having to be firm with a check out time because the cleaning I am going to have to do will be epic. They do not have a plan as to where they are going after checkout. I don't know if I can handle another two hours of trying to help them book a bus ticket just to have them book nothing and let the consequences fall on my lap.
Because we have such different expectations of my role and obligations, I cannot see this ending well. Please, please, please let me know if there is any way to salvage this and give me enough time to offer the incoming guest a room that is up to my standards of cleanliness. Thanks!!!!!!
18 Replies 18
Bob39
Level 10
Goldfield, NV

Make it look like an accident.

You're awesome. 

.

Hi Bob - my best laugh for the week - thank You.

Everytime I think about your solution I laugh out loud. Im pretty sure my dog is thinking I’ve lost my mind- You really hit it out of the park bob The best answer ever posted on these forums. Thanks for sharing @Ute42 - I’ve been laughing all day!

John320
Level 4
Thousand Oaks, CA

 

Stay with your contract. Ask them come on the check in time and stick with it. You don't need to help them and take them to the pizza place. You don't need to have them use your computer, most of them carry their labtop or iphone. Minimize your contact with unpleasant guests.  I am not sure setting boundaries is necessary.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer!  I truly appreciate it!

I am usually pretty good with this stuff, but they presented themselves as so scared and helpless at the beginning...  I really felt for them.  And then they went on to negotiate NYC just fine.  

Fred13
Level 10
Placencia, Belize

You need to learn your guests are not your friends. Learn to say no, that simple. ****

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and answer!  I'm not really sure whether their country counts as first or third world or developing, and a quick google didn't clarify, but these are solidly middle class people with solidly middle class professions whose behavior baffled my neighbors from a third world country in the same region.      

Bets0
Level 2
Tucson, AZ

It's hard to establish boundaries after the fact - it's just human nature. 🙂 For helping your guests get out the door today, be clear, "The 11am check-out time is firm. I can't extend your stay as I have other guests coming in today. The local library has a computer where you can research the rest of your trip."

 

More generally, I've found it best not to have unspoken expectations. Using your situation as an example, I might say, "You can stop by at [time] to drop off your luggage. Since I have other guests, you can't come in - you can come back at 4pm to check in." Personally, I don't allow anyone else to use my computer. If I have time, I help guests out by researching things for them. I like to be helpful, but I can't take responsibility to perfectly resolve their issue. I don't know where your guests were from, but maybe they couldn't figure out how to work your bathroom facilities. I might have said something along the lines of, "Let me show you how to work the shower," and "Here's where you can find soap and towels." Good luck, Marisha. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed answer!  No words for how much I appreciate it!  

I think the bathroom issue was just a preference for spraying copious amounts of cologne in lieu of showering- one half of the couple eventually showered without any explanation of how it works, and I try to be sure everyone gets it during our initial house tour.  

When they arrived, they seemed so helpless and desperate, and I felt like I couldn't let them end up completely lost somewhere, so I took them out and even brought them on their first subway ride, and they did catch on after a day.  

I'm going to take this as a lesson in being painstakingly clear and direct.  I learned that just saying "you can drop off your bags" isn't enough.  "You can drop them off and come back at four" is much clearer and makes sure we both have the same expectation.  

Thanks again!  

 

I may sound nasty but i would never accept early luggage drop offand I believe you should not. Calmly say ''for security reasons since I already have other airbnb guests its best that you dont leave your luggage unattended in my home until you check in, thank you!''.

 

You are by no means obliged to help anyone with their travel plans/sightseeing, you can simply say ''im too busy today sorry...''.

 

Now, if you are a woman living there without housemates or bf and they know they 'have you' isolated, families or couples (or pushy guys or even gals!) will go ugly on you just cause they can, just cause they dont see a big male biped around to scare them enough. Sad but true.

@Family-Andreou-Leonida0, @Marisha0, even if there is no ugly hairy biped of the male variety, you could always make one up by hanging a framed portrait of one in a prominent spot. ''That is my partner/boyfriend'' you could say. The hairiest ugliest beefiest one you can find! Sad but could be a good idea.

Linda108
Level 10
La Quinta, CA

Hello Marisha, Welcome to Air BNB!  You listing is adorable and I am sure your price is very attractive in an expensive city.  I think some of the problem is your newness to the shared living space business.  As noted in other replies, you may be treating your guests in a way that is too personal and intimate.  I know I have to guard against the desire to treat guests like my friends.  I also think you are pushing it too hard to have same day check in and check out.  People being people will always see that they are the exception to the rules, that is if they read the rules.  You can set up your booking setting to allow a day before and after to be blocked so you have time to prepare for the next guest.  You won't lose much money and your guests will feel the specialness they deserve.  Soon you will raise your prices and make up the difference.  Good Luck!!

Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to write such a detailed response!  I initially had the listing set to leave a day in between and then the reservations that came in seemed to ignore it- I will go back through my listing and see whether I can fix this.  I honestly think you're right and that this is the only way to spare everyone, guests included, a lot of extra stress.  

With all of my other guests, our roles seemed pretty clear and we all got on fine.  These guests didn't seem to have the same sense of Air BnB etiquette and I didn't know how to say no, especially when they initially seemed so helpless.  And then any attempt to say no resulted in them acting all butt hurt or just going on to ignore what I'd asked.  I realized that I have treat this like a business for the good of everyone involved.  

Thanks again, Marisha