Making Women Traveling Alone Feel Safe With A Male Host

[Ben575]

I am not a creep, weirdo or masher, I treat women with respect.  However, my female guests who are traveling alone don't know that.   To them I am a stranger and i could present a risk to their safety.  This never crossed my mind as I an a nice guy and I would never want a guest to feel threatend by my presence.  However, my guest Libby left me a review that really opened my eyes.  This is my favorite review becasue it really helped me see a different perspective and it will make me a better host. Id like to share this review with the community.

If you are a male host I urge you to read this review as it is important and will give you a new insight.

Libby wrote:

"Ben’s place was the perfect place for me to stay during a certification course at Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh. It was cute and clean, quiet, private, and well-appointed. About a 15-20 minute walk through a residential area to the Hospital. Special shoutout—as a woman traveling by myself I had been a bit nervous about using an AirBnB, but the financials made sense, so I found someone with great reviews that had submitted IDs and everything and decided that was the way to go. When I first arrived I forgot to check-in—tired and a bit overwhelmed by my long drive, and needing to go to the bathroom, I just wanted to get up to the apartment and not move for a few minutes. While I was in the bathroom I heard someone try to enter the apartment after I had dead-bolted it behind me. Not great for my aforementioned nerves. But Ben messaged me a minute or two later to say it had been him, he didn’t realize I had arrived, could he come get his Bluetooth speaker that he had left. I said sure, but he changed his mind and asked me to put it outside the apartment on a table in the hall for him. This was a pretty mundane interaction I guess, from most points of view—and Ben may not even have thought much of it. But as a woman staying alone in a strange city, the idea of being completely alone in an apartment with a man I don’t know made me feel a little unsafe. So in terms of making me feel comfortable, by not coming into the apartment where I was staying alone in a strange city, by keeping his distance, Ben did me a great courtesy. It might say more about my own cautiousness than anything else, but regardless, I truly appreciated that. So thank you, Ben! And for those who think like me in this regard, or whose mothers or partners are urging a certain level of caution, know that I would love to stay at Ben’s again and could do so with confidence."

Honestly I had no idea that I did anythihg special until I got the reveiw. I will now make a point to be very careful when I have a single female traveler.  I want all my guests to feel safe and this was a great lesson to me of how to do that.

Thanks for reading 

Ben

Pittsburgh, PA

I hope this was helpful to the community it was 

[Sarah977]

@Ben575   How nice of your guest to write a review that pointed that out. It probably also wouldn't be a bad idea for male hosts, especially those that are new to the platform and might not have reviews from single female guests, to write something in their profile along the the lines of " I am well-aware of the concerns that face single female travelers when booking an accommodation- rest assured I am always equally respectful of the privacy of all guests."

[Beth80]

@Ben575   What a great review! As not only a woman who travels alone, but a mother who's daughters often travel alone, safety is a big concern. A nice review like that would certainly have me looking at your listing with new eyes. I like Sarah's suggestion that you make a reply so that this is emphasized. 

[Ben575]

Beth , what got to me the most, was I never even thought about this before.  I just don’t think of myself as threatening. However, I now have a new perspective on this issue.

[Sarah977]

@Ben575  Yes, nice guys often aren't even aware of the uncomfortable or threatening situations a lot of women face on a daily basis. Bracing yourself for the cat calls when having to walk past a construction site, having some creep "accidentally" rub his arm against your breast while seated next to you on a bus or plane, having to speak to someone whose gaze is focused on your body instead of your face.

There have been posts on this forum from young female hosts who had male guests making inappropriate comments, attempting to touch them, or even grabbing them and trying to kiss them. Those women were asking how to handle the situation, they thought they had to let a guest continue to stay no matter what and were so scared they went to sleep at a friend's house or got a friend to come over to stay with them. 

There may be nothing at all threatening about you, but some women who have experienced bad situations may consider all men who are strangers to them to be potentially threatening. It's a shame, but a reality.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Ben575 

Thanks for sharing 🙂 

Henry and I host a single occupancy private room in our home but oftentimes Henry is the only one at home with the guest since my work has me travel a lot. 

Whenever we get an inquiry from a female guest, I make a point of telling them that it will usually be just Henry and the guest at home. I also tell them that Henry and I both have younger sisters who travelled or studied abroad alone so it's completely understandable if they might have concerns about safety or might feel uncomfortable about being alone at home with a male host. We'd have the exact same concerns if one of our sisters was planning to stay with a male host too. 

[Cathie19]

What’s important here @Ben575 , is that you were naturally respecting a woman’s space without a conscious effort. So kudos for what came easily....

Both @Sarah977  & @Beth80  and may I add myself, appreciate the  boundaries. We’ve had other guests & hosts raise concerns in threads, in the past. Male hosts overstepping the professional boundaries, and being creepy, inappropriate and over familiar.      

yuk. just yuk!

This great review actually demonstrates to all male hosts and cohosts, that women of all ages have instinctively and sadly, built in safe guards in their daily life and routines. When outside their routines, or through them, it can amplify security concerns.

It is time for all males in a hosting environment to accept they are accountable. As we are 50% of the population, this lesson 101 is the perfect start. I thank you on behalf of my daughters, sisters  and other female friends.

BUT women hosts alike are also accountable in their behaviour around guests.  So maybe if we are all respectful of everyone, we can never offend or create fear.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💐🙌🏼

[Paul1255]

Balanced as always @Cathie

And 100% agree that all hosts...and guests male and female are accountable for their behaviour!

[Ann72]

@Ben575 There are so many things I love about your post!  I won't repeat what @Sarah977 @Beth80 @Jessica-and-Henry0 and @Cathie19 have said - as I agree with them all.  But one thing I love is your use of the word "masher," which I've only ever heard in my favorite musical, "The Music Man."  Thank you for that!  🙂

[Emilia42]

A different perspective that would have never crossed my mind. And a great review!

[Linda108]

@Ben575  Isn't it ironic that the very fact that you are not a predatory person actually made you unaware of this issue for some women.  😛 Thank you for your post.  For those hosts that are remote or professional managers, this might not be an issue.  But any host that truly participates in the shared home accommodation, learning to create a personal, intimate experience without crossing personal boundaries is truly a balancing act. 

[Ann489]

@Ben575   what a great an insightful review!  Thank you also for sharing your post.  Most of the time, posts are about female hosts being uncomfortable with male guests.  This scenario never actually occured to me(I know, it's silly to automatically assume all hosts are female).

[Helen427]

B

en@

Well done, I see you have mainly had couples who have come to stay so you must be really stoked.

Yes it's a challenge for all new Guests, and hosts, when the fear of the unknown is there.