Our guest is mentally unstable, what do we do?

[Jennifer305]

We had a woman instabook earlier this week for a 10 night stay. As soon as I met her, my gut told me that something was off. She showed up with nothing more than a small canvas bag (like a grocery tote) for a 10 night stay. Within the first few hours of being in our basement apartment, she had already sent 5+ requests - everything from asking for a 'less poofy' comforter to asking for suggestions on this, that, and the other. At first I thought she was just the kind of person who asks a lot of questions so I went with it, and happily offered suggestions. 

It started getting worse and one evening she asked us to the turn the heat up and down by 1 degree seven times. We noticed that she spends all day pacing our back deck smoking. She says she's here to test out neighbourhoods in case she wants to move back to the city, but she seems to just watch TV and smoke. 

Today she was texting us more questions and accidentally sent us a text message intended for someone else, it read, "

I'm genetically engineered, I'm telepathically connected to Andy, and the government controls all of my environments, including all of my interactions. Those are the only things I know for sure are real."

We're pretty freaked out. We live upstairs and have two children, and just don't feel safe having someone mentally unstable staying downstairs. Are we over-reacting? When she sent the text, she just sent a simple "disregard that, wrong person" note with no other explanation. She has about 15+ requests/day and hides in her bedroom when she needs us "fix" things for her (ie. the dryer works fine but she couldn't figure out how to work it and had us come down three times, she couldn't figure out the TV remote etc). 

I submitted an inquiry to Airbnb for advice/next steps but don't know what to do. We have 5 nights left in her stay and feel really uncomfortable. Help!

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

@Jennifer305

@Sarah423

I so appreciate your bringing this to the circle for discussion and support. I am grateful that this circle exists for us to all hold space for each other, while offering support and kind suggestions.

I am not a health care or medical person, however I am a trustee for a man with mental health issues and have taken it upon myself to learn what I can about how to best provide neutral support to him.

I am a NAMI member and Family-to-Family trained. In my experience, and from my reading, such a mental health episode is not often a danger to anyone. The tobacco use is common, and from my reading, it has been found helpful in alleviating distressing symptoms.

Since this discussion began, the count-down has been in progress. You only have a few days left and have learned a lot about reading between the lines of reservation applications. It really is important to follow our instincts, and execute due diligence in doing an online search for each application. Even with recommendations and positive reviews I do a search. It is very important to me to feel confident that we are a good match for each other.

I am also a landlord, and the vetting process is quite different, as you know. We meet with our prospective tenants in person, after doing a credit check, employment verification and gathering references that can also be verified. We can and will toss them out for breaking terms of a lease, and have a substantial security deposit that we personally determine whether or not we can use for repairs above and beyond normal wear and tear.

What a bunch of life experiences we are gaining!

[Barry-and-Lera0]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Seems troubling. Just another reason not to use Instant book.

All inquiries go through us prior to being able to book and you can not book within 3 days of arrival. This has been the perfect way for us to vet guests (at least little) prior to booking. 

Our recomendation. Turn off Instant book.

[Jennifer305]

Thanks so much for your advice! We already changed the instant book to require host reviews, but we may consider foregoing it altogether as you say. We live in an area where we get 100% occupancy and got sort of caught up in how lucrative and how easy it makes it for people to book, but now I'm not so sure. 

Hubby also pointed out that you get a few guests like this that have mental health issues and likely you can't please no matter what you do (we have catered to her every request) and it will sink our rating which would be so disappointing since we're going for the superhost status in January. 

Thanks again! It certainly is a learning experience. 

[Liz140]

This person is clearly a paranoid  schizophrenic w/manic features. (I have a psych degree). There is no law against being crazy, anymore....

If she makes you uncomfortable, you can:

*cancel the reservation (and suffer the consequences)

*contact Airbnb and ask them to rehome her

*wait until there is a rules violation and ask Airbnb for consequence-free  cancelation 

When you review her, just state the facts, the number of times you adjusted the heat, odd statements, pacing, etc. Do not add any of your feelings or conclusions (like, she's crazy) to the review. Other hosts should be able to figure it out...

I dealt with this once before myself. What really bothered me about it,

is that a local agency that knew of her condition helped her arrange the stay.

[Helen3]

Hello @Liz140

Are you a psyciatrist or mental health professional?

Just wondering how you are able to give someone a specific medical diagnosis on the basis of what a (medically) unqualified third party has said on a forum?

[Amy4]

Thank you, Helen. I was thinking the same thing. The text could even have been a quote from a movie or conversation she was discussing with the intended party, and not a statement of her own beliefs. It's hard to tell from a single text what was going on, but there's a lot at stake in reaching the wrong conclusion about a person from limited experience. That said, I've hosted a number of people who had apparent psychological challenges, and I never felt I was in any danger from them. The only guest that ever posed a threat to me was a seemingly "normal," well-dressed, well-spoken, middle class, white male employed in the tech industry. He was a polite guest, right up to the night he came home drunk and assaulted me. I was able to defend and extricate myself (having grown up with 5 brothers) before any serious harm was done, and called a male friend, who physically removed him. Airbnb canceled his booking and his account and blacklisted him. I continued hosting after that, but I armed myself with mace and stopped accepting bookings from single men unless other rooms were booked, too. I offer this experience as parable about bias: our culture biases our risk assessment in ways that are unfair, inaccurate, and sometimes dangerous. That said, if I had two small children or if I were elderly and alone, I would have a much stricter risk filter. I hope this all worked out fine for you and your guest.

[Helga0]

Hi @Jennifer305, I hope you are still fine and your guest stays calm. I have had my share of crazies, but had to laugh about the quote from the text: nothing of that kind so far. But thinking about it, if you had not gotten the message, you would just deal with a high maintainance guest. Maybe she writes a book and the quote was in that context? You can't really know. 

I would just go on with the stay, as she is in a separate part of the house and smokes outside. The frequent requests give you a good opportunity to check your place frequently - you are sure, she does not create a total mess or write rhymes on the walls. 

A story, to make you smile about your predicament: 

I have a neighbor, or better a few neighbors, who are quite far from the average behaviour. One is rather paranoiac and always interprets everything against him. The whole world is out to get him or slight him - it's a very sad way of life. Once he fell ill and we helped him to get better and took him for a holiday in the South, where we had an apartment for us and a studio for guests. We went out on a sunny day with a market in town, the whole town seemed to be out on the streets and on the market. There were street artists and a young man, who occasionnally flaps his arms and cries like a gull and is nicknamed Seagull. We found a table at the bistro, not on the terrace, but on the street, where they had put tables, as the street was blocked for the market anyway. We were in the middle of the stream of people coming from the market. Suddenly, an elder couple stopped at our table, where we occupied three sides. The man started to speak to my husband, the women to our neighbor - I was protected on the far side, against the building wall. They were very intent on telling their stories, only they spoke about different things, interrupting our conversation with two torrents of words and a lot of gesticulation, towering over the two sitting men from their standing position. My husband smiled and answered a word now and then, the neighbor looked open mouthed between them and us, completely lost. After a while, it was over and they left together. My husband signed the server to get another drink, the neighbour looked still startled and asked: "You do have rather strange people in this town? There seems to be more than the average number of strange people?" I grinned, looked at his tissue house slippers and confirmed: "Yes, and they even come from afar."

[Teresa322]

Air BnB will give you platitudes and no help. I had to have my guest removed by the police at 4 am as he was standing outside my room for longer and longer periods and I was afraid he would come in. I had to have a trespass order issued.

He damaged and stole property but they won’t even pay out the deposit (because Air Bnb tried to force me to contact him even though it was further endangering me and I won’t so now they won’t pay the losses). 

[Helga0]

@Teresa322, sorry to hear that. 

I can understand how you must have felt that night. I had one guest, where I did not dare to fall asleep before he gave up texting after 2am and I was worrying, if I would be faster out the back door than he through my glassframed separation door. 

When you say, airbnb wants you to contact him, what was required for that? I would suppose it was only necessary to send a refund request through the resolution center. You could send a simple message. "After your departure, we found the following items missing or damaged. Item 1 missing, price xx, item 2 damaged, repair costs estimated / replacement price xx etc etc Total price xy. Please confirm the refund!"

And after you did that, you click on airbnb involvment and upload the police report, photos and cost estimates for the items you want money for. Those can be pdf printouts from websites selling the items. 

I believe it's not necessary, that you contact him with any private word on any means of communication outside the single resolution center message. It's like writing and invoice. The resolution process is very formalised, I used it a few times, once with a big damage, where airbnb suggested we stop direct contact, and a few times for refunds, postage for forgotten items changed stays etc. Even if nice guests, there is not much contact in the process. A nicer greeting maybe, but it's a billing procedure, that's cold in all cases.

You have now a bit longer to do it, maybe 2 weeks, so if the time is not up yet, you can still try. 

I had a mentally instable person in a computer training once, who had to be removed from class by police and with wardens who brought a straight jacket. She went willing at the end. Luckily, the training center had a psychologist on site. 

But a few weeks later, she was back from hospital and ended up in my next class. Under medication, that was another person and she worried more about me than I about her. I guess I was prouder than she was, when she passed the final examen rather well.

Just to tell you: it may well be, that your guest has not much recollection of the event and feels very ashamed. 

[Gary382]

Going forward I would reduce the maximum stay to 5-7 days.  Guest are like fish... 

Gary