Any suggestions on what should I do with a guest who may have mental disorder?

[Doe0]

Hello everyone, first time post my story here. I have hosted more than 200 guests and this is the first time I am having such a nightmare...

What could you do when a guest asks you to change room temperature every day by only 1 degree difference of Celsius, the first day 25 Celsius the second day 24 Celsius the third day 25 celsius and the fourth day 24 celsius …?

Besides, she annoys you many times a day; every day asking you to do the following:

-Every day she asked where to go shopping, I provided her a list of malls near me on the first day, also I sent the text message to her phone. But still the second day, the third day she asked the same question again and again when I finally said I have provided you 3 shopping mall address you could go there, she said yes, I know. But still, she would just knock at your door and ask the exact same question every day.

-Every day she asked me to get her a taxi, I sent her a text message for 3 taxi company contact number. The same thing, she said yes I know you gave me the taxi company number. But still the next day she would just knock at your door and ask you to get her a taxi...

-Asking for medication without going to a hospital,

this is the scary part, she said she has back pain, sweat foot, blurry vision, and stress, asking me to give her medication!  I told her I am not a doctor and I provided her the hospital address but she never goes. Still, she continues to ask me for medication every day.

Endless thing such as knocking at my door,  text messages to me for things such as changing the refrigerator temperature, and yes, by 1 center degree Celsius.  Asking me to accompany her to go for a walk, happened every day. Ask my son to drive to places she wanted to go and wait till she is done!

And besides those repetitive loops, her mind does not seem right functioning, sometimes during a conversation, and note here we are not in an argument, she would burst into an emotional breakdown, from cursing to non-logical sentences like " I have friends in Italy, I am going to get you in jail!" or right after saying she like my place, she wanted to live here, then said "This is a *bleep* place, everything is *bleep*"?!

I think this guest is not well mentally and not function as a normal person.

I reported to airbnb customer services what they can do about it, maybe tried to connect with her family or report to the local hospital.  The airbnb customer services said only solution is to terminate the reservation and I need to refund to guest. I did not agree. Why do I need to bear the full loss for something that is not my fault?  The airbnb support said they tried to contact the guest, the guest picked up the phone once and refused to pick up again. The support says they tried emails too but no response.

As the last response from the support team, they are asking me to wait, "to get a response from the other side"  from April 15th to today almost a week, I am suffering every day, and no decision has been made by airbnb.

Any suggestions on what should I do? Not just me, but also for the guest to get the treatment she needs. Thanks in advance!

[Laylee0]

Oh wow, this sounds like a nightmare. I’m not experienced enough to give advice but just wanted to send my sympathies. Hope an experienced host or two can chime in here. When does she leave?

[Doe0]

Thanks  Yeah I mean I get it,  as a host, you probably will get 1 or 2 terrible guests, but this one is not just “normal level” annoying or difficult guest, she is just unwell, kind of freaking me out. She is going to check out next Friday, though, 5 days to go…

[Susan151]

@Doe0 From what I know, if you ask your guest to leave, AirBNB will refund the remaining nights. The fact that it isn't your "fault" has become irrelevant.

So the question for you becomes, can you live with this person in your house or not.

You have my sympathies. This situation sounds extremely difficult for both you and your son.

[Linda108]

@Doe0   I am a former psychotherapist in the US and being a "nut case" is not a crime until it meets certain criteria of harm to self or others.  I make that statement because the situation as you have shared does not seem to meet that criteria.  However, it does meet the criteria of lack of boundaries so as a host, not a social worker, that is where you can focus your efforts. 

You have considered cancellation but rejected that because of the loss of income.  You are not entitled to income for the days you do not provide the service.  Only if the guest cancels are you entitled based on your cancellation policy.  So that means you need to "hunker down" and hope she actually leaves as planned.  When dealing with any person who has boundary issues verbally it is best to keep your response simple and repetitive.  Do not engage or explain, as that will only increase the behavior.

I am curious about how you vetted this guest before accepting her for a relatively long stay.  I would imagine if she had difficulty tracking and remembering that would show up in pre-approval communication.  I hope that when you review this guest you will be honest but be careful about any statement about her "mental health".  Just stick with a thumbs down review and specify she is not a good fit for the shared home listng.

[Doe0]

Hello, Linda, Thank you for your advice, I will keep my response simple and repetitive to her, On the pre-approval communication, I selected the instant booking (required the 3 verification), no pre-approval process.

I am glad we have a professional here. since you are the former psychotherapist, I would like to share more details with you. (I didn't write all the details in my main post since I don't wish everyone send a lot of time just to read the story, so I wrote briefly). Feel free to read more if you are interested otherwise ignore it.

1, Upon her confirmation of instant booking, she sent a message stating that her boyfriend will stay with her. I am a host, She is a guest, I gave her a warm welcome, I paid my respect to her. When she checked in, her boyfriend and another young lady accompanied her to my place, during my introduction to them about the place and equipment in the kitchen, at that time, The guest did not pay attention to my introduction while showing her great unwillingness to be separated from the two persons. The two persons expressed the dislike and unavoidably expression on their face, and finally, went away firmly.

2, The first day at night, she asked me from downstairs, she said one of the bed sheets was dirty and full of hair, I said I am swearing I did change the fresh bed sheets before she checked in. She asked me to go to her room to check, then, both she and I inspected the bed sheets, and it is perfectly clean. Then she said sorry to me. But, every day she kept on asking me if the bed sheets were clean or not, I said sure, they are clean, such conversation happens every day.

3, Every day she asked if the bath towel were clean or not, I guarantee they were clean, then she asked if I have bath towel in white color, (my bath towel are stripe color) I replied sorry no, I have all my bath towel in stripe, I bought them from Walmart, not from some unknown store. The second day and the third day, every day she asked the same question, I reply the same. Although I am working, I still replied to her patiently.

4, Besides asking to change room temperature, every day she asked to change refrigerator temperature. Every time by text message or simply knocked at my door, saying the fridge is too cold/hot. Everything is frozen/spoiled. The first day she wanted scale 2, The second day she wanted scale 3, Third day she wanted scale 2, and the fourth day, she wanted scale 4…

5, She did not know how to open a lock with a key, she said she can not put the key into the keyhole, she just knock at the main entrance door every time, I opened the door every day when she came back at night.

6, She broke the key ring, she went to my second floor and asked me to repair for her immediately, because she was going outside, although I was cooking, I stopped my cooking and fixed the key ring for her. During this time she showed a very happy and enjoyable expression on her face. I have noticed whenever I was doing something for her, she showed very happy and enjoyable expressions.

7, She would ask you every day for things that are just not normal, so far as I remembered, she asked for bread, milk, tea, ginger, yoga pants, computer, and special stationary basin for hand washcloth, I provide some of them that I have to her free of charge.

And there are so much more of those nonsense  happening multiple times a day. I even start to forget some of them.

[Kat84]

Just hold on, Doe... Remember, that guest with mental disorder is nothing compared to drug user!

Proving to Airbnb that the guest has mental disorder is impossible. They will ask you for the report and getting such report is impossible.

Next time do not allow long stays. Set maximum number of days to 5 or any number that you will feel comfortable and enough for you to find out if the guest is acceptable. If he wants to prolong his stay, he can do that with your permission and create a second booking.

I personally find that 3 days are the best.

"The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest." Jean de la Bruyere

[Doe0]

Yeah, that's definitely really bad. glad didn't encounter one in the house so far. Gonna give the 3-day rule a try. Thanks .

[Midori2]

OMG.  I feel bad for you.  I was browsing thru the community comments for anyone's experience with guests with some mental issues.  Compare to your case, my case is very minor.  I think my guest has bipolar disorder.  Fortunately, most of the time he's nice and quiet, but there are certain things that trigger him to act crazy.  I'm not going to list the issues I had with him, but the real problem is how reacts to certain comments - specifically when I ask him to keep the kitchen and bathroom clean after using it.  He takes it personally and starts screaming and crying, "Are you saying that I can't follow the rules!?"  "Why are you accusing me!?"  "I don't understand!!"   Gosh, I've never seen someone crying because I pointed out about spilled soup on the stove.  To avoid his hysteria, I decided that I would just clean up after him each time he uses the kitchen and bathroom.   I noticed he's constantly on the phone with his mom and/or his girlfriend, and he does the same with them.  I can't hear the other side of the conversation, but I can hear him screaming, "I told you!" "No!" "Why are you accusing me!?" and his sobbing in the middle of the night (or any time of the day - he doesn't go anywhere other than work, and he stays in his room talking on the phone all day long for the entire weekend).   

You never know if your guest has mental problems until their stays start.  He is a long term guest of 8 months.   Airbnb encourages you to promote long term guests, but I'm becoming reluctant to accept them.  I don't want to be feeling like walking on a minefield in my own house.  Limiting the number of nights may reduce the risk of being stuck with the situation, but then you may lose the income opportunity.   That's my dilemma.