Children of the Corn

[Jane1]

Hi everyone! I've been hosting for about a year now, and have never encountered something like this. I need advice.

A woman instant-booked my room and included that there would be three additional guests with her. No names or anything. I prepared additional mattresses, etc, and got everything ready. She arrives with three children. These children are probably between 5 and 9. For the first two hours they were at our house, they got into everything, including my personal bedroom, and were louder than any kids I have ever met-- and I have a 5yo and 6yo. I explained to the children, as well as their mother, that while I understand they must be bored, they cannot go through our things. I come downstairs a second time and see the kids going through the contents of my desk. I explain again that they should not go through my things.  I went back to my room upstairs and as I am explaining to my husband that I reiterated our requests, I HEAR THEM PLAYING WITH OUR THINGS (it was a card we got my husband for fathers day, that plays the superman theme song upon opening). I go back downstairs and am more stern this time and say "stop touching our stuff." I don't know how else to communicate this. While I am downstairs with their mother, I explain that we go to bed early (around 7pm) because we have to wake up early, etc. This information is clearly stated in our profile. We put our kids to bed, and the mother clearly doesn't have the energy to deal with these kids, or simply doesn't understand the idea of boundaries. I continue to try and sleep, and at this point its about 9pm and the kids are running through the house screaming and playing. I go back downstairs and explain to the mother that I have too much going on (not to mention, 8wks pregnant with another) to not get any sleep. She says she understands, but clearly didn't.

This morning she messaged me asking if she can give her kids some of our food in the fridge.

I feel bad for her, because its likely that she has nowhere else to go with three kids, and they obviously don't listen to her. However, I simply can't afford not being able to sleep. On top of being in a PhD program, I am a reservist and have to work all through the weekend. What am I supposed to do? I am dreading even going home right now because I know I won't be able to manage these kids, and babysitting isn't included in the room.

What would you guys do? I've tried being nice and patient, but nothing is getting through to them.

[Chris154]

My advice: 

1)  There is now an option to say whether your listing is kid friendly or not.  Use this option to filter out people bringing kids.  By checking that you would have a defense with Airbnb if someone brings kids without telling you. 

2) If it feels like somebody isn't telling you something (instant booking with a minimal message) ask for more details upfront. 

3) Call Airbnb and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and ask about the options to make them leave if that's what you want.  I understand feeling sorry for them but like you said this is the house you live in.  Her problems should not become your problems just becasue she booked with you. 

[Jane1]

Not sure how to update, but I came home and their mother had given them my kids' snacks and said "this is okay, right?" 

I think this woman needs a women's shelter, not an airbnb. I think she was in an abusive relationship and I am very empathetic to that. It tugs on my heart strings and I think that's why I am struggling with this morally.

[Dawn33]

How long are they staying?
Were the kids billed each as additional guests?

I have "not kid friendly" marked on my house rules and I bet you have already changed that on yours!

This woman should be ashamed of herself for raising her kids dugout boundaries. They will grow up and torture all of us on Airbnb. They are why there is s community center here! Haha.

Good luck.

[Dawn33]

Sorry! dugout=autocorrected "without"

I don't want to voice WHAT I would do since I drove with a wooden spoon in my car when my three kids acted up when I was driving. No judgment please. Haha.

She needs to leave.

[Jane1]

We have a wooden spoon and that's why our kids are in line. lol

[Dawn33]

My kids did Jedi mind tricks in the back seat and could melt into the sides of the car to avoid the spoon.

You didn't say how long she is staying.

Whatever you do, do not let her stay. You might not be able to legally make her leave.

She is only your problem if you let her be your problem.

Post back on this convo so we know the progress.

[Jane1]

I've had kids stay here before and we have never had an issue. Most parents who are traveling with their kids are cognizant of their behavior.

[Angela156]

Jane - you must call Airbnb and get rid of these little darlings as soon as ever you can.  We all love hosting, and I'm sure most of us actually like children (I've had three and they weren't always perfect - rarely in fact - but they DID know how to behave in company) but this behaviour is unacceptable and however guilty you feel, don't be because I'm sure most of us would be much less tolerant than you.  It's why I don't do Instant Book, by the way.

[Jane1]

I took instant book off. This is making me so uncomfortable.

[Michelle140]

I don't even see the ability to turn off instant book. I feel like that option isn't available for new listings?

[Dawn33]

It isn't. I would suggest blocking all of your days and ask people to msg you if interested in certain days. It could help with the pre-screening.

[Bridget0]

Love the title of your post. Pregnant, exhausted, frustrated but you still have excellent descriptive skills. Good luck getting through this bad one!

[Jane1]

Thank you! I have been so sick all day and was dreading coming home. To my own home! I should never have this feeling.

[Helen3]

Hi Jane

Why do you feel this women is escaping from an abusive relationship? If she's shared this with you, I would find out details for her local shelter and suggest she would be better supported there and if you feel like it you could refund her.

Just because her children are unruly doesn't mean she's in an abusive relationship.

Letting her kids eat your kids food and having the kids go into your personal space is unacceptable. If she wanted food for her kids she could have bought some.

If she hasn't disclosed she's in an abusive relationship, and as you have clearly pointed out your rules, which she continues to break,  I would contact BnB explain that the guests are breaking your rules (no noise after 7 p.m./going into your personal space etc) and ask for them to be moved to a more suitable space.

Going forward as suggested tick the no kids boxes and really emphaisise the 7 p.m. rule upfront in your description - certainly it would be unusual over here for kids on holiday to go to bed so early - but it might be more the norm where you live. Make sure you have the names of all those who are staying with you and when you confirm a reservation, state they are agreeing everyone in the party is over 18.

If you are finding it too much to cope with being pregnant, having young children and your other commitments, might be good to put BnB on hold for a bit.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

Helen