Do you let guests receive mail?

[Huma0]

I have seen other threads on this subject, but dealing more with scams and fraudulent activity conducted by guests, e.g. regisering businesses, bank accounts, social security  etc. at the host's home. Of course, those are situations we all want to avoid (I have been the victim of a large identity fraud involving the postal service), but I want to talk about guests receiving mail in general.

Do you allow it? If not, how do you stop guests from doing it?

I have in my house rules (which I ask all guests to confirm they have read) that guest must NOT give out my address as a mailing address (but that long-term guests can ask permission first). I do understand that if someone is staying with me for months, they may need to receive some mail within reason, but I cannot allow short term guests ( I host around 150 people a year) to give out my home address.

Many companies will spam you forever regardless of how many times you return to sender. Only today, I got a letter addressed to a girl who stayed for two days in December 2016 and never asked permission to give out the address. When I emailed her asking her to get it removed from that mailing list, she first claimed that I had messaged the wrong person and then, when I confirmed her full name, that it still had nothing to do with her. How else did her full name + my full address get on the letter then?

I have had numerous guests receive mail at my house, often concert or football tickets, but also packages of varying descriptions. If they ask permission at all, they usually ask after placing the order, so they are not really asking, just letting me know so that I can be their concierge service! I have also had demands for payment sent by FedEx which the guest lied about and I had to sort out myself.

A current guest, who is staying a month, casually told me the first day that he would be getting his groceries delivered to the house. When I reminded him that he wasn't supposed to give out my address, he seemed shocked and asked what he was supposed to do about his Amazon orders. I reluctantly agreed he could order things from Amazon, but nowhere else (as Amazon don't tend to send spam mail). Since then, he's had numerous packages arrive from different companies. I can only imagine how many years I'll be receiving mail for him after he leaves. My other guest, who is staying six months, had six enormous boxes delivered after she arrived (I'm talking the size of suitcases). She did ask permission and said she would be sending them to China within one or two weeks. Two months later, I had to ask her to please have the boxes shipped back.

How can I stop this? I tell them no, but they do it anyway. I am thinking of adding to my rules: "Any unauthorised mail received will immediately be returned to sender or destroyed." Is that too harsh? And what if it still happens? It would be difficult to follow through on this without causing a big drama!

[Alexandra316]

@Huma0 Definitely deserving of a less than glowing review. The lying is unbelievable. I don't  charge for that type of damage either, but to not mention it then flat out lie about it when asked is just amazing to me. If you break something, just be straight up about it, for goodness sake. The package thing is also ridiculous. You specifically told him no, and he just keeps on going with it. Hopefully your review will spare others from dealing with him.

[Huma0]

@Alexandra316 

I probably won't go into much detail in the review, but am planning to mention that he had trouble following the house rules, as I think this is the main point.

Some of his behaviour probably wouldn't bother some other hosts. I can see from this thread that many don't mind guests receiving packages/mail. However, it's the fact that he continues to disregard certain rules after being (sometimes repeatedly) reminded of them and even lies about some of it that I think would be a problem for most hosts.

I'm sorry to have to give him a thumbs down as I've only had good experiences with long-term guests in the past, including both male/female students of a similar age, but while he's not the guest from hell, the sum of all the various problems makes it impossible to recommend him.

[Dave333]

What about informing the guests that your Mail, Fedex, UPS, etc. delivery people will only leave items addressed to residents? Our building has each person's last name by their buzzer & mailbox so our situation is a little easier than some.

When a guest asks you can decide if you feel comfortable receiving an item for them and just tell them to have it addressed to you.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Dave333 

But what if the guest has something illegal sent to the house, and they use @Huma0 's name?? In Korea, mailboxes never have people's names on them for security reasons. 

[Dave333]

I just suggested it as a way for the host to make the deicision on a case by case basis. In a perfect world: guest inquires before booking, host & guest discuss guest's needs,  if not a good fit guest books elsewhere. Someone looking for a place to receive illegal items isn't likely to welcome the additional scrutiny.

[Huma0]

@Dave333 @Jessica-and-Henry0 

To be honest, I would rather short term guests just don't have mail sent here/give out my address. I have too many people coming and going and it's not possible to know who is trustworthy or not and I simply don't need all the spam.

With long-term guests, I am willing to be more flexible, but I don't see why someone needs to have five packages arriving a day (there were about 12 for him altogether that week), when I have specifically asked them not to give out my address. It's just disrespectful.

Anyway, that guest has agreed not to receive any more packages, but he is leaving later this week so I guess it doesn't matter now anyway! He has said that he contacted the companies telling them to remove my address, but as he has already lied about a few things (see above) I don't know if that's true or not.

[Nicole-and-Gabrielle0]

I believe that in the United States it is a Federal offense to destroy or open someone else's mail. My suggestion would be to invest in a locked mailbox where only you, the owner, has access to the mail. If you receive a mail you do not want,  send it back or discuss it with your guest who is the recipient. I am sure when your guest notices you have a locked mailbox they will inform you that they are expecting a mail.  As far as the larger packages arrive that is another story. this has to be discussed with guest ahead.  you do not want to end up with a bad review because of one letter or so.

[Huma0]

@Nicole-and-Gabrielle0 

In the UK, most people don't have mailboxes, we have letter boxes (basically slots) in the front door.  Anything too large for that, they will not deliver unless someone is home. Getting the postman to put mail into a mail box would be near impossible I think. It's a struggle just getting him to put it through the right door.

I suppose it's possible that there's some sort of lockable box out there that could be fitted to the inside of the door, but the problem is that guests usually 'ask' me if it's okay once the mail is already on the way and before the guest themselves has arrived so a locked mailbox wouldn't be a deterrent.

My current guest is unusual in that he has been receiving numerous packages. Something arrives most days and some days he has received up to five packages. I have honestly lost count of how many there have been. I am hoping that future guests will not behave this way, but I have learnt through this experience not to give any leeway, like I did with him, because he totally took advantage of it. It has taught me to be more strict, not more lenient, about this particular rule.

I don't care if I get the odd bad review because of it. Bending our rules or allowing guests to ingore them just to avoid negative reviews is a very slippery slope that I'm not prepared to go down. If I am not allowed to set the rules in my own home, then I'd rather not host at all.

[Lenka32]

@Huma0, I agree with you and understand the little slots in the door, my daughter lived in Ireland. 

In a way it is good that the post man does not leave ths parcels unless you are at home to collect it. Here in US we have too many packages disappear from the doorsteps. Regards to you particular guest I would be very suspicious and would make stop to it. I would be looking where it is coming from. Again, if I have a guests staying longer I would refer them to the post office where they can rent a mail box and take care of the business right there. I do not know if you have that option. Also another option is not to be home at the time of parcel delivery for collection.

Thank you for sharing.  I would have never thought that a guest would be using my address. Amazing what we can learn from a negative experience.

[Huma0]

Hi @Lenka32, some couriers do leave parcels on the doorstep unfortunately, but the postman will never do this.

These packages are  coming via regular mail and fit through the letterbox so it doesn't matter if anyone is at home. I don't think they contain anything suspicious (although you never know), just that this guest is a shopaholic and also does not understand the difference between staying in an Airbnb where there are house rules to follow and renting long-term in student digs. Regardless of what is in them, he is repeatedly breaking my house rules.

I did try to put a stop to it when the parcels started piling in and, after a lengthy disussion, he told me there would only be one more parcel and that he had asked for my address to be taken off the mailing lists. And yes, we do have services like the ones you describe, both at the post office and with other companies, which I suggested to him and which he said he would use instead.

However, I don't believe any of it. Packages continued to arrive long after this discussion and he has lied about other stuff, so I doubt he is telling the truth about this issue.

Luckily, he is leaving tomorrow morning. Otherwise, I think I might have started writing return to sender and putting them in the post box. I shouldn't have to resort too that, but if a guest has repeatedly been told no and they just continue, what else can you do other than ask them to leave?

[Nicole-and-Gabrielle0]

Hello@Huma. I hear you, the bottom line is that guest should respect and follow your House Rulers. How do you list it, under the House Rules and do you send the rules again to the guest before they arrive?  Thank you!

[Huma0]

@Nicole-and-Gabrielle0 

Sorry, for some reason I only saw your post now.

I mention in my house rules that short-term guests cannot receive mail and that long-term guests need to ask permission first.  After I had the guest with the mountains of packages, I added 'packages' to that as he said it was not the same as 'mail'.

I don't send the rules again to the guest. I message to ask them to confirm they have read the full listing and house rules and remind them of a few of the more pertinent points, e.g. that I have cats. 

The thing is, people will say they have read the rules even if they have not. Or, sometimes they read them 'selectively', think they are okay with one point or another and then mentally 'gloss over' the points that they are not okay with, i.e. they think they can cherry pick which rules they will and won't follow. Of course, not all guests are like that luckily, but I find it quite common for people to ignore the bits they don't like and just pretend they don't exist!

[Michael3577]

The mailbox is owned by USPS - not you. If you receive mail you do not want and "send it back", you have tampered with their mail.  That's against the law. 

[Huma0]

@Michael3577 

What do you mean? There is no such thing in the UK. Very few people here have mailboxes at their homes and, if they do, they and no one else owns those mailboxes. No one has the right to have random mail sent to someone else's address and rightly so.

[Debra300]

@Michael3577,

Based upon my numerous visits to the UK, the majority of residences have mail slots in their entrance doors, and do not have mail boxes.  So, the mail is delivered directly inside of the home, which Royal Mail has no ownership.  

@Huma0,

Since most of our bills and statements are managed electronically, the majority of the physical mail delivered is solicitations.  Guests would not get any mail because, we have our mail held at the post office, and then the bunch is delivered once a month.  Anything that's not addressed to us would be returned to sender.  We have in the house rules that guests cannot use my address for mail delivery, driver's license, car registration, voter registration, or any services like water, cable, etc.  They can purchase a mailbox from the nearby UPS or Fedex stores for their mail delivery.  We do allow guests to have packages from Amazon, Walmart, Target, for groceries, and food delivery from local eateries.

I don't know UK law, but I would think that the home owner has the right to dispose of delivered mail that is addressed to a non-resident of the home.  Anyone who wanted to continue receiving their mail would have submitted a change of address/forwarding mail request.