Female host propositioned by guest

Kathi6
Level 2
Bluffton, SC

Female host propositioned by guest

I have been hosting over 4 years and this is a first for me. My guest, who has 62 glowing reviews on Airbnb put me in an uncomfortable situation last night by propositioned me (via the app, no less.)  He is a very outgoing and friendly guy but just seems highly inappropriate as a guest in my home and frankly I was taken aback. He did not try anything but now I feel  uncomfortable being around him. (I've never felt that way with ANY guest.) He is scheduled to stay one more night. Again, he didn't try anything -but do I report him to Airbnb for even suggesting? 

 

The other weird thing, he took my dog for a walk when I was not home. ??? (He told me he had.) I am sure he didn't mean anything by that but it creeped me out that he could be so brazen.  

 

12 Replies 12
Lawrene0
Level 10
Florence, Canada

Hey, @Kathi6 . The proposition plus the already-taking-control thing with walking the dog plus the vibes you are getting are worrying. I know it is hard in the time of COVID, but do you feel comfortable enough leaving this guy in your place tonight while you and the dog stay with a friend or relative? Or can you get someone to stay over? I don't think you would be wrong to ask to have him rehoused, either, if you want to deal with all that. That might be the best, actually.

Will you let us know what you decided and whether you are okay?

Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

Yes, it's inappropriate, and I can understand it making you uncomfortable. But as you say he wasn't and isn't being aggressive about it, it really doesn't seem to me to be a big deal- he was just trying it on. You didn't say if his propositioning was polite or crass, so to me that would be a factor. People meet their future partners in all sorts of unanticipated situations, there's nothing innately wrong with a host and guest being attracted to each other, and someone has to indicate that attraction at some point. I probably would have responded something like "I'm flattered, but no" and then just moved on, rather than letting it make me feel uncomfortable going forward (but, of course it depends on how he worded the proposition).

 

There is another female host who posts here often who had a similar situation, although the proposition was verbal. It made her quite uncomfortable as well, and after he checked out the following day, she messaged him and let her know how such things make a female host feel and that it was inappropriate. He answered back with a sincere apology, he really hadn't meant any harm by it, but acknowledged that he shouldn't have done that and thanked her for setting him straight. 

 

As far as walking the dog, that was presumptuous, but I don't see that any harm was intended. Sounds to me like this guy just isn't that savvy about boundaries- sometimes people just need to be gently educated as to what is appropriate and what is not. 

 

If he was being aggressive, my take would be different, but it doesn't sound like he is- just somewhat clueless.

@Kathi6

Jennifer1897
Level 10
Irvine, CA

@Kathi6 When I was a new host I had an almost identical situation to yours happen, except the guest messaged me on my personal phone.  I felt extremely uncomfortable and ended up asking him to leave. The messages he sent me were very sexual in nature which was a driving factor behind me asking him to depart, so I am curious as to exact what the proposition entailed.

 

In the end weather his "proposition" was sexual in nature or rather conventional or innocent, I don't agree with any guest hitting on a host or vise versa (Which happens as well).  If you are sharing space with someone I believe you should be more aware of personal boundaries and avoid interactions that could knowingly make someone uncomfortable.

 

However, as @Sarah977 he could just very well be clueless, and based on his positive reviews it sounds like he is otherwise a good guest.  If you are comfortable continuing to host him the remainder of his stay just be very upfront about the situation. Tell him you were not comfortable with his messages, and that hosting is strictly professional for you. However, you have every right to feel comfortable and safe in your home. If you are not, you can ask him to leave or ask airbnb to help you in doing so. 

 

 

Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

It’s completely in appropriate. If he was interested he should have waited until he left.

 

This and the dog walking seems to show a lack of boundaries.

 

in part from response would be based on what he actually said. Was it a polite note expressing interest or something more suggestive.

 

Bottom line he made you feel uncomfortable in your own home and that’s not acceptable @Kathi6 

Laura2592
Level 10
Frederick, MD

Wow!

 

I would have said "I like to keep my Airbnb business professional. I don't engage with personal relationships of any kind with my guests. For the sake of my comfort, please do not ask me again." I would put this in the messages and call Airbnb immediately. Don't know if they will help you or not, but I would be super uncomfortable with this man in my home. Its worrying to me that others want to give him the benefit of the doubt. What does your gut say? If its a hard "no" I would not stay in the home with him a moment longer. (Also read a book called The Gift of Fear. A must for anyone letting a stranger into their home on this platform or any other.)

 

As for the dog, I would keep it with you as much as possible while the guest was there. Maybe I watch too much true crime but sometimes criminals would try to ingratiate themselves with a victim's dog in order to not be attacked when entering the home. At the very least this is a stunning lack of boundaries. He is acting the boyfriend role when you have not shown any interest in that relationship, Very creepy.

 

My review would go something like this: So and so was outgoing and friendly. For a female hosting alone he may be too friendly as he expressed interest in a non guest/host professional relationship during his stay. He left the place clean but had some problems with boundaries and house rules. I would not recommend him to female hosts but he may do fine with males.

Laura3135
Level 3
Taupo, New Zealand

Since you have agreed  to it in your listing, so you both were wearing a mask and keeping the social distance away from each other, for that to happen in those circumstances is extremely weird.

Fred13
Level 10
Placencia, Belize

Maybe your dog needed to be walked, did you ask him? (The guy not the dog of course).

@Kathi6   In your view, would the content of the guest's message have constituted harassment if he had been, say, a neighbor or a casual acquaintance? For example, was his proposition loaded with pornographic detail, or was it merely testing the waters to see if his interest was reciprocated?

 

Clearly you feel your boundaries have been overstepped, which is totally valid. But there is often a social element to in-home hosting, and it's normal that this occasionally means you have to navigate the messiness and awkwardness of each other's emotions. I think @Laura2592 's assertion about having strictly professional, impersonal relationships with guests is coming more from the perspective of Entire Home hosting, whereas when you're sharing living space those boundaries can get a lot blurrier.

 

I would not report a guest for an awkward attempt at flirting. But if you said no, it's emphatically important that he respect that and never try it on again.

 

@Anonymous Obviously although the 'just kidding defence ' is alive and well Airbnb do not agree with you. We are not now or ever have been a dating site and those who make their hosts uncomfortable or worse can and will be removed .This applies across the board including  harrassment outside set social boundaries. The fact that some peoples minds cannot tell the difference between accommodation and some other sort of interaction is neither  the hosts or Airbnbs problem . Most people prefer not to be provoked by guests and therefore in these cases will prefer not to deal with those whose stated intentions or self control is limited.Discuss with yourself anonymous... H

Jennifer3965
Level 2
Hillsboro, NH

I had an almost similar experience, just today, but I was propositioned before the booking had even been made.  After texting me (through the app) and telling me how attractive I am, he informed me that he was interested in a relationship with a "more mature woman".  I told him I was definitely NOT interested, and refused the booking (He tried to book, even after I replied that I was not interested). 

 

I had a conversation with a friend in law enforcement, and he informed me that it has become a popular trend for men to look for AirBnB hostings by single women, to try to hook up.  I'm wondering if there is a way to put something in the listing that can clearly indicate this is not a "hook-up" zone, without appearing too uptight?  Any suggestions?

@Jennifer3965 when your 'police man friend ' told you this was a "trend ' he should not have added the word 'popular' as it is abbhorent and against the law. I am sorry this happened to you and also sorry for the other ladies this has happened to . This policeman friend should have told you that a certain part of the population called 'the heavy breathers ' have found a new way to harrass women . Do not allow these creeps to book ever....as you would have done in times past . End the interaction as quickly as possible and alert Airbnb.... H

Helen744
Level 10
Victoria, Australia

@Kathi6 Its fine Kathi for you to only accept female guests or to report guests 'who make you feel ' uncomfortable. Neverthless these social negotiations when money changes hands can be 'uncomforable ' so Maybe suggest to any guest who makes forward or insinuating remarks that they have booked only a room  and that people have been 'cancelled for less'... and in fact cancel them if need be .. H