Help writing a review for guest who was so drunk and high, she left by ambulance

[TJ53]

Hello everyone!

This is my first year hosting and I took a chance and hosted a guest with no reviews. She was very chatty for the first couple days which was ok. But on the fourth day,  my son and I can back from shopping and could hear a man's voice upstairs. (First violation) Then when she came downstairs I noticed her pacing a lot, she kept going out back to smoke even though my listing states no smoking. Then I realized she was refilling a gas station to-go cup with ice and ??. She walked her male friend out and then her behavior got stranger. I'll try to keep this short, she went back and for between manic and depressive. She started beating her fists on our kitchen island while saying F*^K this and that, I can't do this anymore.

I tried de-escalation techniques, I asked her if there was someone I could call for her, I tried to help. I reminded her that my son was in the room and at first she apologized, and then said F him too. At one point I called the man who just left. He proceeded to tell me she was a paying guest and I would have to post an eviction notice to get her out. (Waste of time, but I thought he might help and even come back to calm her.) Her language became more and more abusive. So when my other guest came home, we sent my son to his room and my guest kept the woman busy while I called the police and AirBnB.

She was so messed up she fell down four times before police could walk her out, EMS was called and she was taken to ER. We had talked over the last couple days and it seems she is in a pretty tough spot. Her 30 yr career coming to an end, fight with her brother that caused her to be homeless, without a vehicle, and also she said her phone broke. (She used mine a couple of times during her stay.) While I feel for her, I also need to warn others. It is disturbing, to say the least, that this could happen to her next host. I did follow up with AirBnb and they offered to pay for carpet cleaning since she spilled wine over just about every inch of carpet. Even knowing all they know, they told me she could leave a review. Wow. Anyway I was hoping someone out there had experience with tactful, but negative reviews.

I thought about saying that she was an ok guest until the 4th night, when she violated my heavy drinking, drugs and unauthorized guest rule.

I welcome your thoughts.

Blessings,

Tricia

[TJ53]

@Alexandra316  thank you for your kind words. I have about five days left to figure it out. I’m still struggling just a little bit and want to make sure I convey the appropriate things.  I’ve gotten so many wonderful suggestions, now I’m kind of trying to put them together to form one concise, accurate and clear review. 

[Alexandra316]

@TJ53I bet! It's a challenging one for sure, and I'm not sure what I'd say in your shoes. Good for you for continuing to have compassion for her despite your negative experience.

[TJ53]

If anyone is still following my story, what do you think of this review for my troubled guest?

Linda was only able to stay 3 of the 4 nights she booked. I refunded the last night when her condition made it impossible for her to continue to stay in my family’s home. I had the opportunity to get to know her a little before things got bad and she definitely was facing some huge life decisions. She had a lot going on and I did my best to help, but in the end, I could not provide the level of care she needed. She may be better suited to a hotel environment or at least a home with no young children (due to her mature language) and more privacy for her.

Enough, not enough? Do I need to mention the carpet needed professional cleaning because of the spilled wine? Thanks so much for all of your input so far. 

Blessings,

Tricia

[Linda108]

@TJ53   What a kind heart you have!  I was struck that your review seems like a friend not a host wrote it.  From a host perspective, the guest behavior and not the reason behind the behavior is more relevant.  Hosts are your audience.  As a host, what would be important for you to know?  Guest behavior was disruptive, damaging and required professional removal prior to the end of the reservation.  In this case, this behavior could be problematic in any hosted situation, don't you think?  

[TJ53]

@Linda108 I am definitely struggling with this one. Thanks for your kind words. From a host perspective I really want to write, "She started out an OK guest, but on the 4th night she drank, she cussed (a lot) and she stained the carpet, I had to call for back up when she could no longer stand." But I don't find most hosts to be that direct. I also wanted to note extenuating circumstances, but I guess I don't really know her that well. I agree the "why" probably isn't important to future hosts, but I had seen it suggested in other threads. Maybe that poster wanted to show some sympathy?

She talked a lot about how her kids were all on their own now and that seemed to be a source of sadness.  I fear having my son present in the home and seeing how loving and close we are made matters worse. That's why I was thinking no shared home with kids. If it was just the two of us, maybe things would not have gotten so bad? Who knows

[Alexandra316]

@TJ53 I think it sounds good, but I would consider changing the ending. I don't like the "better suited to a hotel environment": I see people recommend it all the time, but it doesn't really mean anything, and I doubt some poor hotel clerks wants to deal with this nonsense either. I would omit it. I would also consider stating that you wouldn't host her again.

I would mention the stains, personally. Maybe something like: "The carpets in the guest room required a professional cleaning after her stay due to stains." I wouldn't mention it being wine, because it seems like the mention of any intoxicants can be enough to get a review pulled.

[TJ53]

@Alexandra316 Thanks for your suggestions. I saw the hotel comment on many threads. It seems to be the catch-all phrase for "avoid this guest".  I don't think hosts are actually suggesting we burdon the hotel industry, it seems to be more of an internal code for lots of things like; the guest was picky about how I tucked in the sheet, wanted fresh towels every day, wanted continental bfast, complained about my child's dishes in the sink, brought random strangers in at night....etc.  

I do need to add that I would not host her again, thanks for reminding me. I think having that as the final phrase may have the most influence. What do you think? 

[Alexandra316]

@TJ53I generally put it right at the end, yeah, as I feel it's kind of the bottom line/take away. 

I don't mind the "better suited to a hotel" as much if there are some actual details and that's not all that's being said. I just don't like it as a catch-all review, because it doesn't really convey any information: it's kind of cowardly, IMHO. There is a world of difference between "they were really picky so they should stay in 5-star hotels" and "they were so drunk and high they had to be taken away in an ambulance so they should only stay in cheap motels", but the potential host has no way to differentiate. I may accommodate Ms. Picky who wants the blankets just so, but not so much the person who is clearly in need of some help from professionals. 

[TJ53]

Oh for sure! I wouldn’t just use the hotel lingo without elaborating a bit. Thanks again for adding your thoughts.

I wish we had a little black book of abbreviations.... where OMG and LMAO meant a whole different thing to hosts. 

[City-Limits-Ranch0]

Guest's visit started out okay for several days but deteriorated due to guest's behavior: breaking house rules, aggressive language and minor property damage.  Guest was removed by law enforcement.  Cannot recommend to any host under any circumstance.

[TJ53]

Thanks so much for adding your thoughts. I do like the idea of mentioning how things started out ok. I am definitely going to close with "don't recommend" or "would decline the opportunity to host again". Thanks again for sharing your ideas.

[Clara116]

@TJ53 I have read the thread and it is a tough one and your kindness is apparent and you still need to review for other hosts.

I personally would NOT talk about her condition and all the details that you include.

She .........her name was a pleasant guest for 3 days and after 3 days she had some challenges and   some personal conflicts that caused her to HAVE to  LEAVE our place. We had to do extra costly clean up also.  I am sad to say I would not welcome her back to stay on our property. However we wish her well. 

Her privacy is important and hosts don't really need to know she was drunk, verbally trash mouth and all that.  Saying you would not welcome her back says enough to me as a host. 

I would make sure to give her 1 stars.....and thumbs down.....keep us posted and best regards, Clara

[TJ53]

@Clara116 I totally agree and never would give all the details I shared with everyone here. I like the idea of short and sweet, closing with a statement that makes it clear that I would not host again. Thanks so much for adding to the conversation!