Help writing a review for guest who was so drunk and high, she left by ambulance

[TJ53]

Hello everyone!

This is my first year hosting and I took a chance and hosted a guest with no reviews. She was very chatty for the first couple days which was ok. But on the fourth day,  my son and I can back from shopping and could hear a man's voice upstairs. (First violation) Then when she came downstairs I noticed her pacing a lot, she kept going out back to smoke even though my listing states no smoking. Then I realized she was refilling a gas station to-go cup with ice and ??. She walked her male friend out and then her behavior got stranger. I'll try to keep this short, she went back and for between manic and depressive. She started beating her fists on our kitchen island while saying F*^K this and that, I can't do this anymore.

I tried de-escalation techniques, I asked her if there was someone I could call for her, I tried to help. I reminded her that my son was in the room and at first she apologized, and then said F him too. At one point I called the man who just left. He proceeded to tell me she was a paying guest and I would have to post an eviction notice to get her out. (Waste of time, but I thought he might help and even come back to calm her.) Her language became more and more abusive. So when my other guest came home, we sent my son to his room and my guest kept the woman busy while I called the police and AirBnB.

She was so messed up she fell down four times before police could walk her out, EMS was called and she was taken to ER. We had talked over the last couple days and it seems she is in a pretty tough spot. Her 30 yr career coming to an end, fight with her brother that caused her to be homeless, without a vehicle, and also she said her phone broke. (She used mine a couple of times during her stay.) While I feel for her, I also need to warn others. It is disturbing, to say the least, that this could happen to her next host. I did follow up with AirBnb and they offered to pay for carpet cleaning since she spilled wine over just about every inch of carpet. Even knowing all they know, they told me she could leave a review. Wow. Anyway I was hoping someone out there had experience with tactful, but negative reviews.

I thought about saying that she was an ok guest until the 4th night, when she violated my heavy drinking, drugs and unauthorized guest rule.

I welcome your thoughts.

Blessings,

Tricia

[Tim-and-Holly0]

@TJ53:
"Unfortunately we had to ask this guest to leave early due to violation of house rules." It is best to keep this one simple and to the point. Divulging too much (as it turned into a medical situation) may cause you to be liable for defamation of character even if what you write is true.

[TJ53]

@Tim-and-Holly0  Thanks for the suggestion. I would never divulge in the review the drugs or alcohol I found. Even though I’m sure they played a huge part in her behavior.  I want to limit the info I give, but make sure it’s enough to warn the next host.  I really appreciate your advice thanks again. 

Blessings,

Tricia 

[Anonymous]

It's a very sad situation @TJ53  and you handled it as well as anyone possibly could, but I worry for the next hosts who might not have your grace and patience under the circumstances. 

I agree with @Tim-and-Holly0 , particularly with respect to any mention of drugs and alcohol. Even if you have good reason to suspect that substances were involved in the guest's behavior, you don't have the evidence to make a responsible diagnosis here (mental or neurological illness and/or prescription drugs could also be involved, and mentioning these would violate the guest's privacy). 

Still, I think this awful scenario warrants some language to convey the severity of the scenario - it's not just about breaking house rules - to some hosts that could just mean failing to tidy the bathroom. This is also about being verbally abusive to you and your son, and creating a potentially unsafe situation in your family's household. Without being too detailed, it should still be clear that this guest should not be hosted in a shared home, especially one with children. 

[TJ53]

@Anonymous @Thanks for your thoughts. I definitely wouldn’t be mentioning the drugs or alcohol I found in the room. Even thought I took photos for my own protection. (Police stood by while I packed her things and they took them with to the hospital.)

I just wasn’t sure how to word it to help other hosts. I definitely like your idea about shared spaces and family. Thanks for the suggestion.

Blessings,

Tricia

[Robin4]

@TJ53 

Tricia keep it short and non specific, You have a duty to warn the community but, by saying something like this, any host who does not see this as a big red flag should not be hosting!

"Her situation in life had a large baring on what should have been a nice stay. I wish her well but would decline the opportunity to host her again!"

You don't have to say she was high on ice, swore at and to your son, broke this, that or the other house rule. She was an unacceptable guest to host, you have stated that, leave it at that.

Others will say I am robbing the community of good ol 'boots and all' reading stuff. 

Sure you can get into a big verbal stouch but, all that will do is make you look a brittle host and perhaps not one to be crossed!

Can you see what I am getting at Tricia?

Stay aloof, diplomatic and in control of your situation, just give a few well chosen words and get on with what you do well....host!

Cheers......Rob

[TJ53]

@Robin4 Thanks so much!  🙂 I totally see what you are getting at. I would never divulge (in a review) the drugs or alcohol found in her room. I was hoping for advice from more experienced hosts on how to word the review so others certainly could read “between” the lines.  Of course I fear retaliation, that’s why I want to keep it brief and to the point to warn others but not endanger myself and my son further. Thanks for the great suggestion.

Blessings,

Tricia

[Helen350]

@Robin4 I fear your diplomacy could lead to a review that is not specific enough... "Her situation in life..." could be interpreted as something minor, which some hosts could cope with, where others would rather not? - Whereas the drink,drugs & abuse is something NO host would want.... So maybe some mention needs to be made of the host being frightened and alarmed? (Tho what frightens one person......) I see no harm in mentioning drunkenness - That is bad behaviour, not an illness, so not protected information.

[Robin4]

@Helen350 

You do have a point Helen, and I agree with you.....to a point!

It is hard to know how specific one should be baring in mind that whatever we say is going to stay there for ever more. It is as much a reflection on us as it is on the guest. I am probably too diplomatic, I probably put up with more than a lot of hosts would without resorting to writing 'gloves'!.

Tricia did however say ......"Anyway I was hoping someone out there had experience with tactful, but negative reviews."  She did also say she wanted to keep it brief without the fear of retaliation!

Tricia has a duty to the community Helen but, her first duty is to herself and her family and she should write a review that she feels best represents her interests. 

I have only had it happen once in the past and although I have posted this before, on re-reading this review Helen, would you say I should have been more specific, or do you think I gave the community enough information to make an educated judgement about hosting this guest?  

I certainly agree with you that drunkenness and drug taking are totally unacceptable, but I am maybe unsure about how much these issues should be publicly aired, simply to do the 'right thing' by the community!

Good point though Helen.

Cheers......Rob

[Helen350]

@Robin4 I can see both sides... & am always asking myself where to be specific in MY review writing, & where to gloss over things to be "nice", - and to not upset or be unkind to the guest.. nor to have future guests afraid I'm going to "ding" them! Personally I DO err on the side of charity! I had a recent guest whose conversation the first evening was alarming.... Should I warn others in the review? (If I hadn't engaged him in conversation, I would never have known of his bizarre & alarming views!) However, as the 5 nights went on, I saw a rather sweet & engaging side of him, so when review time came, I made no mention of the alarm, my only warning to others being a veiled "I hope life works out for you." His review of me thanked me for my understanding.....

[Robin4]

@Helen350 

Helen, how good are you.... You possess that thing that is so lacking in the world.....diplomacy!

I have said on another site a couple of hours ago in answer to a specific question....

This was my answer.......

Helen, you sat back and saw the situation in it's true light. Your review of Michael was a well balanced good review and although your 'warning' may have been a little too oblique to be of use to the hosting community, you did come across as a warm and welcoming host.....and a diplomatic one. You could have said Michael  had some frightening threatening ideas that made you feel very uncomfortable.....you could have emphasised the negatives, but....you didn't. Good on you Helen, well done, you have my respect!

Cheers.......Rob

[Helen350]

@Robin4  Well there you go! My alluding to ? issues with my guest was SO subtle, you thought many hosts would miss it altogether! I rest my case! And the debate continues re What to say & How to say it?!

- It's been an exhausting weekend! See my post from yesterday "Guest has vanished - What to do?" (Sorted now!)

[TJ53]

@Helen350This is why I struggle with the level of info to divulge. I hate to say it but my review actually needs to prevent others from clicking that accept/approve button. Or at least be warned that a shared home is not a good idea. I definitely could mention how her behavior was alarming to my son and I could not recommend her to another family home. These are all great ideas hosts are giving and I am enjoying how this community comes together to help. Thanks for your input. 

[Helen350]

@TJ53 The reason I was not harsh with MY guest was because I did not want him turned away in future, cos I asked myself "Is he dangerous?" - Probably not. Would future hosts be cross that I hadn't warned them? Probably not. Your drugged/drunken/foul mouthed/abusive guest is a different thing altogether.......

[TJ53]

@Helen350 Totally understandable in your case as you got the big picture and did not find him to be dangerous in the end. This is part of what I enjoy about hosting, meeting people and seeing different views on issues.  In both of our cases, we took the time to get to know our guests, and that also adds to the equation. I never thought I’d have so much trouble writing a review and I sincerely appreciate your input.

Blessings,

Tricia