How to handle those difficult reviews!

[Robin4]

I have posted this comment on another thread but have felt that, due to problems experienced by new hosts when it comes to how they should handle the review of difficult guests I would open a new thread.

This is a long post but a lot of time and thought has gone into it....We all learn every day, and as you continue to host you will become very proficient at sorting out 'the wheat from the chaff' but if you take note of these points I am sure this post will stand you in good stead!

Reviews cannot be taken frivilously because they are the centrepiece of the ABB platform. But on the other hand we are reminded at every opportunity that anything less than that 5 stars is not good enough...and for that reason we 'pussyfoot' around issues for fear what we say may come back to bite us in the bum!

And if we start rating our guests as per our experience.......ABB will find a way to remove it!

From seeing thousands of these posts I think I have come up with a protocol for reviewing.

There will be some hosts and guests that will fall outside of the common boundaries of accepted behaviour! There are times when police will need to be involved and even more times when help from Airbnb is required and these incidents will require immediate action, but this will only ever be the case for a handfull of bookings over your hosting experience, particularly as you become more experienced in spotting problem guests before accepting! So what I am saying will not be relevant to those situations. What I am talking about are those hostings where rules were broken, personality clashes existed, and there may have been a different perspective between host and guest. If you are concerned about what to write, try the following! And if the reviews do differ wildly keep these points in mind for your review response:

1/. Never write a review until you have had two nights sleep after the departure of the guest! There are many little things that will annoy you enough to make a comment when they are a fresh experience, but which, with time, will mellow and can be appraised in a more objective way.

2/. Always write a review as though you have been asked to do it for someone else. 'YOU' will see things as being 'bleedin obvious' because it's your 'turf'! Another set of eyes will see a legitimate reason why the guest did (or felt) what they did!

3/. As I have said before, make yourself a nice drink, leave your emotion out in the garage, or out in the barn before you sit down at that keyboard. What you write at this point will stay with you long after you have forgotten about that belligerent 'turkey'! It will stay with you as long as you host and....it cannot be removed! We have all said things we wish we could take back! When it's in a review it is 'set in stone'....there is no going back!

4/. Tell the community what you feel about this guest, but don't give the guest a reason to resent you. As I said in a comment in another thread, you can make them feel guilty by carefully selecting your words but still finish by wishing them well in future. This way the balance of nature is restored....you made your point, but you have also said 'no hard feelings'!

And if their review is a stinker:

5/. Never get into a 'he said/she said' slogging match with a guest. You will always loose, and you will make yourself look petty and a difficult person, in yourself, to deal with. Remain aloof and always assure the guest you value their contribution because after all, the only way you can become a better host is to take notice of what others say. Don't apologise, but tell the guest some things are beyond your control.....like, how much cloud cover may have been present on the day! But tell them that their comments will be taken on board and acted on.

Many guests will form an opinion of you by how you carry yourself in the review process....you can be seen as a diplomatic person with great hosting skills........or you can be seen as a 'tough nut to crack' !

Sorry this is so drawn out but, it is a major issue on the forum ....I am not saying I am the review sage but I have had a lifetime dealing with people....I took a mechanical services company from 3 employees to 27 in 6 years......and I don't think my people skills are all that bad!

Cheers.....Rob

[Huma0]

Thank you @Robin4. Insightful advice as always!

My guests checked out just after noon and I can now relax a little and look forward to my next guests, whom I am sure will be a breeze in comparision.

I might wait until to write the review until the review period is almost up. By then, the stress will be at least partially forgotten and I'm less likely to write something too harsh.

[Andrea9]

@Huma0

What has helped me to keep reviews for what I perceived as difficult guests unemotional  is to write them off site and then write whatever I want to directly from my heart, completely emotional and unbridled. Then go back a day later, work on it. And so on until the situation looses its full-on emotions and I can see it in a much more detached way. I've often used this writing in stages for really difficult letters or reactions to emotional messages in other walks of life, and it's helped me so often to not put my foot in my mouth in the heat of the moment.

[Huma0]

@Andrea9 @Robin4 so I got a message from my problem guest today (he and his partner had forgotten some stuff here and need a friend to pick it up) which ended "Also, thank you for being a gracious and communicative host. I've left a review now :)", so I guess it's time to write my review!

Still in a bit of a quandry re how to phrase it. I want to be honest, but not too harsh. Taking your advice @Robin4 not to mention that I had to call Airbnb, I thought something along these lines might be okay:

X is a very polite, friendly and educated person. I really enjoyed our chats. His partner Y is also very friendly. Communication prior to the trip was excellent. It’s a shame then that we had a few issues re noise levels and mess when they first came to stay. I can only put it down to a lack of experience of staying in a host’s home as opposed to a hotel. Luckily, they did make a genuine effort to keep late night noise down after the first few nights. I hope they have learnt from the experience and therefore be better prepared if they choose to stay with a host in future. I do wish them the best of luck.

Of course, I have no idea what they've written about me or the ratings they've given. The above message implies that it's positive, but who knows?

[Andrea9]

@Huma0

After re-freshing my mind of your guest experience through the other link, I think you are being truthful, yet also fair.  You're gracious about what's positive, you address the problems and their solution (or guests' effort at this), and you leave an open end with a positive and hopeful note. That's not slamming them, and they only have themselves to thank for whatever behavioral tarnishes they caused.

I could imagine slightly tweaking this sentence: 

I am sure they have learnt from the experience and therefore be better prepared if they choose to stay with a host in future.

Anyway if I got this guy's inquiry/requests the review wouldn't give me the impression that he/they would be my dream guest, however I'd guess they (or the one with the profile) would put more effort into it the second time. AND as a host, if I accepted him/them would know from the beginning I wouldn't accept any nonsense and I would be quicker to yank the leash than usual and if that didn't work resort to Airbnb. What I mean to say is I'd be forewarned in a good way to know how I'd need to handle the situation.

[Andrea9]

@Huma0

... and if they wrote that sweetness message to manipulate you into not giving them a bad review, but actually left a negative one for you, you at least didn't succumb. And any negativity in their review can be countered with your public response. 

[Robin4]

@Huma0

I am editing this reply to tag @Andrea9 in it because, as usual Andrea you are the voice of reason.

Huma, don't pre-judge what he may right! Keep the review itself short and almost generic. There are times to flow, and there are times to hold back!

"Most guests make a genuine attempt to appreciate a hosting enviroment as oppsed to a hotel one, and X was no exception. I enjoyed our chats, and apart from a minor breakage, he has left the listing in good condition and I wish him well for the future". 

That's it, short, to the point....if he leaves you a great review you won't have 'egg on your face' ....If he leaves you a poor review you can then elaborate with your review response, and you won't have to 'back track' on what you said in your review.

Remember Huma, you still have an ace up your sleeve....he doesn't! When the reviews are published just scrutinise his really thouroughly.....'what could he have meant by that'....'did I miss something there' and in your response you can bring in more detail one way or the other.

Through all of this Huma just remember he wasn't a bad guest, just a difficult one...there is a big difference.

Oh, one other thing Huma, unless you have been specifically allowed to, don't mention the partner!!! There are many scenarios where the two people in that listing may not be the 'significant other'! X is the guest and whoever X has with him is his business. Now many times you receive a request .."My wife Jan and I wish to stay......." cool, he has mentioned that person publically by name and given you the ok to address both of them! But if the request comes..."My partner and I wish to stay...." Huma stay away from naming the other person. 

It's a big world and it's not up to us to be judge and arbitor!

Good luck....I am on the edge of my seat waiting!!!

Cheers.....Rob.

[Huma0]

Hi @Robin4, thank you! Sorry I got a little bit confused about the last bit of your message. The guest did request the stay for both himself and his partner, whom he named in his original request. He also writes about his partner (using his name) in his profile info and includes photos of the two of them together. So, I think it's okay to mention. I actually don't want to seem like I'm disregarding his partner by not mentioning him! They might take that as a slight.

[Robin4]

@Huma0 @Andrea9

Yeah Huma that's fine, I just threw that bit in because there are times when a host will say something that maybe will incriminate the guest, and that's the last thing we want to do! As you have said, both the guest and his partner have been upfront about the name bit so, you can say whatever you like. I didn't mean it in this specific instance....just something to keep in the back of your mind for the future.

How I advised you to word your review is a 'self preservation' for yourself! You don't know what he will write (as oppopsed to right in my last post..shhheee) and you will say, how do I warn other hosts that this gentleman was less than an ideal guest to host?

I think I am a fairly typical host Huma,and when a request comes in I cross check the reviews! I check what the host said about them and I also check what they said about the host, and this where the review response is all important. Many times we see a guest review complaining bitterly about every aspect of the hosting, while the host has written what a wonderful guest they had been! You are never going to gain a worthwhile thing from that situation and about all you can say is...the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle!

But if the host gives a measured responsible response to the guests review.....that is like gold!....and Huma, that is what you must strive for. Like I said....I am on the edge of my seat waiting!!!!

Cheers....Rob

[Huma0]

Sorry @Robin4 I think we were replying to each other at the same time so I hadn't seen your second response.

Yes, I guess it's about striking a balance.

I also see your point about checking both sides of the story.

I once accepted a guest who had a stinking review from a host because I dug a bit further and checked not just the host's reviews (which were mostly great) but the reviews she had left for other guests, some of which were not so pleasant! I concluded that actually the host sounded OCD and slightly hysterical. The guest turned out to be lovely and I'd happily host her again.

[Robin4]

@Huma0  There you go...all about balance, there is a time and a place for everything in this life and as Kenny Rogers sang in that song a long time ago..."There's a time fold em, there's a time hold em"

Don't say something 'first up' that you may subsequently regret.

Oh dear......I still waiting!!!!!!

Rob

[Andrea9]

@Robin4

@Huma0

I disagree with classifying the guests  as only having been difficult. From what you described in the other thread Huma, I got the clear impression they were bloody awful when not smiling and chit-chatting to deter from their bad behavior.

In my opinion giving them a nice review would be like giving them a pat on the back, so they might feel free to try misbehaving with the next unsuspecting host. 

Well, looks like it's up to you to find the path you want to take and feel comfortable with, seeing that Robin's and mine go in different directions!

[Huma0]

Thanks @Andrea9. I think I will sleep on it! I still have a few days left to do the review. I'm taking your advice to write the review off line and go back to edit it later.

Although I'm curious to see what they wrote in their review, I'm determined not to take it to heart if it is negative as, in all honesty, I don't think I would act any differently if I was in the same situation again. Despite the problems, I tried to be as polite, friendly and helpful to the guests as I could for the remainder of their stay. I just couldn't put up with their noise and mess when I had other guests staying as well as a housemate who was not at all happy about it either!

[Huma0]

@Robin4, also, I chose not to mention the breakage because that was actually the least of my problems. I didn't even discuss it with them as I was a bit sick of having to tell them off!

No, they're not bad people, but I think I would classify them as bad (rather than just difficult) guests and I think it only fair to give some sort of warning to other hosts. Yes, their behaviour improved but only after Airbnb intervened and warned them that if it didn't, they would have to leave and wouldn't get a refund. It shouldn't have to get to that point surely?

Of course, you hear of much worse on these forums, so I really don't want to blow it out of proportion or be overly critical in my review, just reasonably honest.

[Huma0]

@Robin4 @Andrea9, so I finally stopped procrastinating and it's done! I wrote a slightly amended version of the draft posted above and also politely explained in my private feedback my reasons for doing so. I assume the guest has the same right of response to reviews as we do, so let's see if they have any comments to make.

As for their own review, it was nice (even though it opened with a 'quibble') and they gave me good ratings. With that in mind, perhaps it would have been safer to write them a 100% positive review, but I'm glad I was honest and I don't think unreasonable as I tried not to be too detailed or personal about the negatives and made sure to include lots of positives.

I hope you approve (Airbnb gurus that you are!)

[Andrea9]

@Huma0

Haha, THIS 'guru' here totally approves and thinks you did a great job writing a perfect and diplomatic review.

I disagree with "perhaps it would have been safer to write them a 100% positive review". It would be like rewarding a slacker lazy student with an A simply for their bright smile and cute behaviour at the end of school. Nope, gotta earn it at least a bit.

I'm sure I'm already completely biased by now, but when I read the guy's flowery profile description I thought "Uh oh....."!

Let him react however he wants. In your case, you react nicely to all your other guests, so by not saying anything publicly to his reaction, you're already showing what you think of him 😉

And why didn't he say anything about the temperature if he loves to talk so much??! 

Happy hosting and see you around the CC!