Is "brunch for extended family, about 14 people" the same as a party?

[Jon2761]

Hello all,

We have a guest arriving the second week in May, staying for a week. She started by telling us (before we confirmed) that it would be 4 people on most of the nights - herself, her husband, her two-year-old grandson and her 88-year-old mother-in-law. They're also expecting short (one-night) visits from her niece, and then her sister-in-law, so some nights would be 6 people. A couple of days after we confirmed, she said that her mother-in-law wants to bring a longtime friend with her, who will share her room. We said okay. She asked if we have a fire pit. We do not. She asked if she could bring a cheap one (not sure who she thought would be paying for it). We decided to buy a propane one, so that we can control the kind that is used (we don't want wood-burning), and also it's an amenity that can be used by future guests. 

So today another message from her pops up - they'd like to host a brunch on Mother's Day for extended family, probably for about 14 people. We're starting to feel uneasy with all of her requests and changes, and now this brunch comes up. On one hand, I appreciate that she let us know up front - she's not trying to sneak anything by us. And maybe it's not the worst thing in the world to have a bunch of family members over for brunch. We're not sure how worried we should be. 

So I'm wondering how worried you might be, and how you'd handle it?

Thanks!

Nancy

[Sarah977]

@Jon2761  This is one of those guests who feels entitled to do anything she wants and thinks you should accomodate all her demands. Tell her no, or that your place really doesn't suit her needs and she should cancel and look for a place that does. 

Why did you go out a buy a fire pit just because she wanted one? You really should have said no to that one, too.

Every time you accommodate another one if her demands, you are just telling her that she can keep pushing. 

And I don't know what the Covid restrictions are where you live but this sounds like a superspreader event. Bringing friends, then 14 people from various households?  14 people using the bathroom, using up the toilet paper, the soap, dirtying towels, drinking up the coffee and whatever else you provide for the number of guests they have paid for.

[Jon2761]

@Sarah977  Wow, you do make some excellent points - as usual. Hadn't even thought about all the stuff they'll be using. Thanks!

[Dale711]

Hi @Jon2761 😊

‘ No’ 

Being upfront is not appreciate.

To start with some clarifying questions with guests, and provide evidence to get back your point, house rules, Airbnb policy, and housing standard.

Happy Hosting ✌️

[M199]

@Jon2761 

IMO, this guest will be trouble. I personally would take the "hit" and cancel this reservation and refer them to a hotel and banquet hall. Have all your messages documented.  Also, I  would, then report it as a party to Airbnb and 🤞 not get penalized.

[Angelica-Y-Jorge0]

@Jon2761 depending on COVID regulations in your area and when the booking is (I read California is fully open as of June 15). I would charge extra for guests over 7, use it to increase revenue. I think it is great you bought a gas firepit as an added amenity to your property. Future guests will love it.

Being hosts means treating our guests special and providing a better experience than they can get anywhere else. 

I think you should be proud of what you created and the happiness you will create in the world.

[Sarah977]

@Angelica-Y-Jorge0  There's difference between doing something special for nice, appreciative guests, and catering to the demands of guests who already consider themselves to be entitled to special treatment.

[Lorna170]

@Jon2761  I agree with everyone above who said "NO" to this woman.  If she wants to host 14 people for a brunch, do they live locally? -- then one of the local family members can host the brunch, or they can book a restaurant.  DO NOT allow it in your home, even if they beg, plead and promise to clean up the mess.

[Ann72]

@Jon2761  One other route:  you can tell the guest she can only host a gathering if she purchases event insurance that covers you and your property against damage and liability.  (Event insurance costs something like $50, I think.)  In addition you charge $25 a head for events.  See how she responds to that.

[Jon2761]

**Update**   I am SO grateful to everyone who replied to my question - your advice helped us to dodge a bullet that we were uneasy about, but not sure how to dodge.

Here is what we wrote to her last night:

"Hi P----,

We’re sorry, but that would be too many people in the house. It is not designed or set up to accommodate such a large group and we do not want big gatherings. We have a no-party rule, and a group of that size constitutes a party.

We’ve been doing our best to accommodate your requests, including adding another person to your original reservation and purchasing a fire pit for your enjoyment. However, we must draw the line at having a large gathering at the house, for several reasons. One very important reason is Covid - this could be considered a potential super-spreader event. The town and the county have experienced significant outbreaks, are quite strict and the neighbors might protest and even involve the authorities. Another is the extra heavy usage, wear-and-tear, and possible damage to the house by a large number of people, significantly more than we agreed to host. And third is the neighborhood - it’s a quiet country community and the noise and many cars parked along the road from a large party would not be appreciated.

I hope you understand. If at this point it appears that our house won’t suit your needs, perhaps you should find a more accommodating place. There are many very nice, large houses in the area and you should be able to find one that works for your group.

Thanks,
Jon and Nancy"

And here is her response:

"Good Morning. I wanted to be up front with you as we truly appreciate your kindness.
I would not put my grandson in harms way by allowing a large group of unvaccinated people around him. (Not to mention I was hoping for nicer weather so that we could eat outdoors)
Hubby and I are Vaccinated. Mother in Law and her friend are.
My Niece and her hubby are vaccinated (both work with public.. (she is a Medical therapy specialist and he is a director for resource center for adults with intellectual abilities.)
Hubby's cousin is a teacher at a private school in Connecticut.
And the last group is a 9 year old , two 80+ years olds who have been vaccinated and their daughter and son in law who have gotten their 1st shot.
I understand your warniness completely.
If you want to cancel our reservation I will look for something elsewhere."

And a bit later:

"It's ok. We are good with it.
I will look elsewhere."

So it looks like we'll be having an amicable separation, thank goodness!

I believe I can cancel the reservation and use her planned party as the reason, without incurring penalties.

[Sarah977]

@Jon2761 All her vaccination talk shows she doesn't fully understand. A ten year old boy just died from Covid on vacation with his parents in Hawaii- both the parents were vaccinated.

But she did write a polite response. 

Not sure if Airbnb will let you cancel without penalties- I hope so. But it seems like she's the one who needs to do the cancelling- if not being able to have 14 people at a home with a max guest count of 7 is a deal breaker for her, that's on her, not you.

[Jon2761]

@Sarah977  Her vaccination talk seemed kind of defensive, as if I could possibly think she's the kind of person who would put her grandson (who is 2-and-a-half) at risk. That's terrible about the boy in Hawaii, I hadn't heard about it. So scary.

[Jillian115]

@Jon2761  I see that this has been resolved but just wanted to chime in. This guest sounds like trouble to me.  Every time I have bent over backwards to accommodate  guests who asks for too much I get punished in some way. Both of my 4 star reviews came from guests who asked for the moon.  They won't appreciate it and keep asking for more. If it were me I would have Customer Service call them and help them find a new listing that better suits their needs. I have found when I have wanted cancel a guest that was able to book without meeting my criteria , CS will assist in the relocation. I think having 14 people is a party. 

[Scott-and-Mary-Ellen0]

Everything else aside, @Jon2761, and without looking up your geographic location, is a fire pit wise? We used to offer a grill at White Mountain Sunsets but finally removed it from the listing. We are literally on the top part of a heavily wooded mountain in a 45-year-old wooden condo building. The winds are higher up here, and in a state where you have to get a burn permit from the fire department before you can burn anything outside, we decided the potential danger of guests dumping hot coals out on the ground or not monitoring the grill carefully for flying embers was too much of a liability. The Community Center nearby which they have access to does have outside grill set-ups, so they can always go there.  M.E.  #TooHotToHandle #NoLongerFiredUp

[Jon2761]

@Scott-and-Mary-Ellen0  Thank you for this info. We are worried about fire too - we're hoping the propane one that we bought won't be as dangerous, and polluting, as a wood fire one would be. (Probably also less appealing, but too bad.)