LGBT Transgender, pronouns and inclusivity

[Alicia55]

Hi,

I'm writing emails, this and whatever else I can to help resolve a very easily fixed issue.  First, some back story, becuase well who doesn't love a great story? ok, so...

I had a guest coming to stay. I love my guests! I love having the oppurtunity to host them. I am a member of the LGBT community and very welcoming and love for others to see a part of an area that others may not suspect to be the the most welcoming. When my guest books and indicates that the second party memeber will be meeting up for the stay, at my location, I have the impression it is two lesbians. So I'm Yay!, more fellow lesbian friends!  I'm sure they will be super relieved if there was any anxiety, about their stay. After a bit, I'm talking to them and could see they were infact a lovely couple. 

Here's where the face palm missing peice comes in. One of my guests is a trans guy, and I didn't know. As soon as I found out, I was like yay, than felt absolutely terrible. Had I mistakenly misgendered!? Why did I have to find out from a guest telling me?!  Immedietely he was more than welcome and he was not going to be in any way made to feel uncomfortable by me. I'm all too familiar with much personal transgender integration in my life and at the next opportunity, apologized to him. Everything was ok with my guest, but still I felt like I had had the biggest let down of hosting after many years. I still am so disappointed in this.

So Iam thinking, why the heck doesn't Airbnb have preferred pronouns on the guests account? It would be great to have them optional, so if someone prefers to explicitly indicate for themselves or additional guests to avoid any confusion, or missteps, allow them to enable them and select what is preferred.  I am adding this to my listing details as well, until airbnb gets this in place.

I hope no one else has oooopsed, like I did, and more so I hope no one ever else has to with a simple addition to clarify.

Happy Pride month everyone!

[Russell49]

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**[Comment removed in line with the Airbnb Nondiscrimination Policy]

[Alicia55]

The great thing about any option, and this salutation option is a host or guest can optin and display them as they prefer. If not, the unknown salutation is there when not opted in, as ui is currently.

I'm really baffled how this would not be perfect. If you prefer none, and let others assume, that's totally fine. If you prefer explicit, you can choose so. I can't imagine any explicitly given details of salutations wouldn't find that very helpful.

[Sue102]

I recently had a guest identified as Vanessa who wrote in the booking inquiry "It will be me and my wife and another couple" so I just assumed it was one lesbian couple, maybe four females total, maybe not. But when they showed up it was two male/female couples AND their 4 kids! The problem was the 8 guests in my 4 guests maximum condo, but that's another story (that I related here). I don't really have an opinion nor any observation regarding gender, identity or sexual preference of my guests. People can identify as they wish, and I think it's unlikely offense will be taken if there's an initial misunderstanding based on name, pronoun, or error.

[Karen842]

50+ years ago, a woman was either a Miss or Mrs. Then a third choice was introduced, Ms. 

According to my three kids (23, 20 and 18) there is a now a third pronoun, “ze.” Personally, I was thrilled to learn of this development. Prior to ze, my kids had asked me to use “they” when referring to their friends who are transgender, gender-fluid, etc. I refused, and just used a first name. This is ONLY because I can’t bring myself to use a plural pronoun when referring to a singular person. It is grammatically incorrect.  I know, I am old..-:).

[Alicia55]

Somebody left *their* umbrella in the office. Would *they* please collect it?

The patient should be told at the outset how much *they* will be required to pay.

But a journalist should not be forced to reveal *their* sources.

Just to avoid spreading misinformation, Singular they has been around for centuries and still is widely in use.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they

[Sarah977]

@Alicia55  Thank you for that link!  I, like Karen, always just considered it to be bad grammar. Learn something new every day.

[Ali40]

I figure if a guest wants to be referred to in a specific way that’s not obvious to a stranger, it’s the guest’s responsibility to let that be known. I worked at a place with lots of LGBT people a few years ago, and they had no problem stating their preferences. My dad used to have really long hair and was called “she” all the time, and he  was never upset by those innocent mistakes. 

[Paige73]

Interesting subject.

There's probably an easy way airbnb could add something like that without confusing the older crowd too much!

I had a trans guy ( I knew he was trans cause it was in his profile). He was thrilled that an old Muslim lady like me asked for his preferred pronoun. But if you're not sure and don't want to offend anyone, then what? Millenials are usually fine with it. They often introduce themselves in classes by stating their preferred pronoun. It's becoming the norm though, so if someone gets offended if you ask for a preferred pronoun well... he/she might wanna go sit in the corner with the people wondering where the "whites only" drinking fountain is.  It might be a great way to weed out bigots before they book!

[David126]

I do not generally read profiles so am somewhat at a disadvantage, however I do have guests coming in from Boulder tomorrow so will see if they have a preferred pronoun and will report back.

[Paige73]

@Alicia55

Just an update on asking about pronouns. I asked for a preferred pronoun and he was so thrilled after that, I could do no wrong! My place is great and I'd expect 5 stars anyway, but I think he would have given me 5 just for asking the pronoun question. My guest said it was the first time a host had asked and it really helped him relax. So I vote "ask for pronouns" if there's any ambiguity, especially if they're under thirty. Some people will love it, some will be confused and some will be offended. The ones you offend will have been exposed to the "new normal" and be that much closer to acceptance.  Worth an occasional ding star rating.

[Emily1292]

Hello all,

I'm curious as to whether this conversation is still going on and what folk's experiences have been as LGBTQ travelers or hosts.....

thanks!

[Melodie-And-John0]

@Alicia55 ,

We at Bearpath Lodging are very big into privacy and part of that is we ask very little and have no questions or interest in peoples private and or personal lives more than making sure there are as many places to sleep as we list in our listings.  I work in a university so I have learned to assume nothing and accept folks based on face value, not how they look necessarily but how they present. 

Our relationship via Airbnb is one of a host and guest not friends, family or even neighbors, that said, we have had new relationships formed out of hosting with folks from all walks and places (but very few for good business reason), "its best not to relieve yourselves where you eat" to put it delicately!   I leave it to the guest to declare anything I should know and prepare for about outside of our house rules and treat all guests with "Due Respect" regardless of  varietal realities of their lives or ours.   Thats worked for us and I don't think we have offended anyone of a thousand guests sticking with the word of our lord, stay well, JR 

“Judge not lest ye be judged” God doesn’t want us to hurt other people; neither does He want us to be victims of harm (Proverbs 4:14-15).

[Laura2592]

I can barely get people to tell me the number of individuals coming and their names so that I can put it on the welcome board, let alone what pronoun they prefer. I vote for an Airbnb button to include:

Guest one  NAME preferred pronoun

Guest two NAME preferred pronoun

Etc 

and 

Pets? Yes/No 

If yes...number and type 

[Sarah1600]

As a host, I would love for guests to have a way to indicate their preferred pronouns! 

[James2566]

Guest gender, sexuality, marital or relationship status is something I never, ever make assumptions about or ask about, I don’t even think about it. I’m here to be friendly, not friends. The two women in my villa might be sisters, lovers, strippers, secret agents, reality show stars, olympic athletes, it’s none of my business and even if I’m tempted to ask, I never do. I’m in the business of selling privacy.