My next door neighbor introduces herself to my guests without first asking me

[Kim2631]

My husband and I live in a rural area of Colorado, and  several months ago we started offering our little cottage next door to us as an AirB&B.  We live in the mountains surrounded by several state and national parks, so the cottage is always booked with families, couples or single people who come to explore the outdoors. Our next door neighbor on the opposite side of us has come over to the cottage three different times  while our guests were relaxing on the outdoor patio in the back yard.  It's out in the country and fencing the AirB&B back yard is not an option.  Our neighbor doesn't talk with us first to find out if we care that she introduces herself, and we don't find out about her visits until after the fact, when our guests tell us.  I've apologized to each guest that this has happened to,  for the neighbor's visit but each time they assured me that they were fine with it and didn't feel as though it was an intrusion on their privacy or relaxation time.  

It bothers me that she does this, for a couple different reasons.  First, I'm very private and would resent an uninvited stranger coming to the back yard where I was staying and introducing herself.  I assume some, if not most people, would feel the same.  Second, I feel it is disrespectful to us that she chooses to ignore the fact that we are running a business, and that unsolicited social visits are overstepping her boundaries as a neighbor.  I realize that some of our guests may be much more social than I am, and that they may welcome having someone stop by and chat.  But to assume that all of our guests may be comfortable with her visits, to me would be inviting problems.   I'm not sure how to handle this with finesse; I don't want to be a bad neighbor and offend my neighbor by over-reacting, but on the other hand, I feel that I need to protect the privacy of our guests, even if they say (so far) that they don't mind.   Thoughts?

[Kim2631]

I'm replying to my own post because strangely, someone hacked my user name and posted an additional note at the end of my post with "Don't sweat the small stuff."  I have no idea how or who, but I would say that this isn't "small stuff".

[Ann72]

@Kim2631  Has someone hacked your profile or did you once assign that quote to your profile as a signature?

I don't think there's an easy way to convey to the neighbor that her behavior goes against everything you believe in.  She thinks she's being friendly and neighborly.  And if you reach out to her, she will probably expect you to thank her.

You could do the old 180 and thank her SO MUCH for her neighborliness.  You can't tell her how much you appreciate that there are friendly eyes on the place.  Then in the conversation say you were surprised that some guests were a little taken aback when she showed up in the back yard (even though they weren't) because YOU would have been totally fine with it.  Ask her how to let guests know in advance that the neighbor across the street might pop by when they're out back.  Should you give them her name and number?  Sometimes guests forget what time it is when they message or call - can you believe some call in the middle of the night? - but maybe that would be the best thing?  

As you can imagine, this whole thing could backfire.  Any approach could backfire.  She could still take offense.  And if she takes offense, she could start drumming up complaints.  And that would be far worse for your business than a friendly if nosy and intrusive neighbor.  I think the only thing you can do is wave and say hi and thank you when you see her.  And remember that people want to "live like a local" when they book an Airbnb, so meeting the neighbors could be totally fine with them.

[John5097]

 @Kim2631 

I'm not sure why a neighbor would be this nosy and go that far into your property to the back patio. I finally had to tell one to keep out of my yard. I don't mind if they meet and chat with guest in the front driveway but started driving us nuts always having neighbor in your yard picking flowers everyday. We tried to be nice about it, when I had a roommate, then once a gust of wind blew some flashing off the roof we were working on and flew down at her with a lot of noise and sharp edges, and some big stuff fell off as well, plus holes in the yard. Just got to be too weird. My roommate's schedule was also all over the place, used a seperate entrance, and bothered neighbors, but nothing I could really do until our agreement expired. Its best to have a legal rental permit, whatever that may be, to keep nosy neighbors out of your life, and be very proactive about renters not disturbing neighbors.  

[John5097]

In general neighbors are always up to something and best to ignore whenever possible and just be prepared if something escalates or they do something impacts you. If anything I would just talk face to face and give this person your phone number and ecourage them to call you. That you are carefully vetting guest and your neighbors are a very high priority. 

I wouldn't try any passive aggressive attempts at manipulation. If anything I would say the truth face to face: that the guest so far have enjoyed meeting you, but think it could be an issue with some if they are just trying to relax on the back deck, so would appreciate her respecting their space and privacy, and you will see to it that they also respect her and her privacy. Then encourage her to just call you and thank her for being such a great neighbor. 

[Sarah977]

@Kim2631  I would present it to your neighbor as first appreciating that she isn't one of those types of neighbors who resent their neighbors hosting an Airbnb. That you are grateful that she's such a nice neighbor.

But that (at this point you can make a little cringe face) many guests expect total privacy when they rent a self-contained Airbnb, and that while you understand she is just trying to be wecoming and friendly, a few guests have complained and that this could really affect your listing, as they could leave a bad review as to how their privacy was violated.

Say you think this is ridiculous, but as you have no idea as to whether any particular guest would be annoyed by her introducing herself, it would be best if she doesn't do this anymore- fine to wave and smile if they see each other outside from their own properties, but that short term guests aren't like a long-term renter- there's no need to introduce oneself.

[Laura2592]

@Kim2631  is she reliable enough to be a cohost? Can you have her check guests in and field small or basic guest inquiries? Maybe if so, you can turn this negative into a positive and set up business-related boundaries. That way you have a specific code of conduct and she can scratch the nosiness itch. 

I would try to use this to my advantage as a friendly neighbor can easily flip if you have a group of poor guests. We would all be better off with supportive neighbors. 

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  I think a neighbor who comes on the property without permission and introduces themselves to someone else's guests has a poor sense of boundaries and I would be very wary about using her as a co-host. She could be very intrusive if she were left in charge.

But it also occurs to me that she may be driven by a desire to check out who is staying next door to her. In which case the OP should reassure her that she vets all guests who stay carefully, but that if the neighbor sees anything going on that makes her uncomfortable, to please let the host know.

[Laura2592]

@Sarah977  that is why I asked if she was reliable enough to co host.

As young-ish real estate investors who are attracted to historic homes we tend to live next door to older/retired neighbors quite a bit. They are always VERY curious about how we managed to purchase our space, what we do for a living, etc. In our last house, the neighbors were a retired couple who were constantly trying to nose in on our private time in the back yard and pepper us with questions. Eventually we moved and they moved right after-- my husband said it was because they were bored with no one to spy on. 

If this lady is generally nice and really is trying to look out for your space, I might try to work with her. If she is just a busybody, careful treading is needed as she can become a thorn in your side for your successful business. I would try to work with her if it makes sense but only the OP knows if this individual would be a good fit.

And @Kim2631  your cottage is lovely! RAISE YOUR PRICES. We learned the hard way.

[Lorna170]

@Kim2631   You are very lucky that your guests have (to date) not complained about the neighbor's visits.  I too have rural properties, and my guests often want to know how far away the neighbors are as they are interested in privacy and relaxation.

I would have to agree with @Sarah977  and speak to your neighbor about the visits, and encourage her to leave your guests be.  Of course, if she is so lonely that she cannot stop, or so nosey that she can't bear to not know who is visiting, you will have to impress upon her that a complaint from a  guest would mean that you would have to report her for trespassing, and then post your property.  

I had to do this with a property -- signs and chains across the driveway to get an older neighbor to leave well enouh alone.  (She was driving a quarter-mile in to see what was going on.)

[Kim2631]

Hmmm- you all have given me a lot to think about! My neighbor is very nosy in general and has poor boundaries.  I’ve pretty much been avoiding her this year because every time I would see her, she would ask “are you still working?” (She finally stopped asking when I answered her one time with “are you still working?”- she has never worked 😝!) and asked my lesbian neighbors a very inappropriate question out of the blue.
My cottage is booked out through November, but next year I’m going to raise the price slightly. I think at the beginning of the year I’ll also write a neighborly news letter to all my neighbors and give them a little bit of an update on our venture, and I’ll slip in a comment something like “our guests LOVE the rural environment and scenery, and many of them mention how they like to not have to interact with others as you would in a hotel, and how important the privacy and seclusion of the cottage is to them.”  I don’t know- maybe I’ll have to be more pointed and say more at some point. But someone here pointed out that if I’m not careful, she could make it hard on us to have an Airbnb business. So  there’s that. 

[M199]

@Kim2631 

We are in a similar situation.  We have a single elderly gentleman living across the lane.  He likes to visit because he used to own hotels locally.  I always meet my guests, so I generally when talking about the area say "oh, by the way, he may wave or just stop by to say hello, he's harmless".  I usually get rolling eyes, but also "Yeah, OK acceptance"  So far it hasn't been an issue.

[Clara116]

@Kim2631 Not to be an alarmist but in our community of hosts recently I helped out a host that had suddenly been closed down/suspended by Airbnb for the only guests since last year because they (hosts) wanted to finish up projects and was on the property a couple days into the late evening. The guests never said anything, these were at the beginning of the 22 day stay and suddenly the hosts gets a letter saying Safety dept is investigating. In the meantime, they were suspended and you couldn't even find their listing, they couldn't even personally book an airbnb themselves, or use a superhost credit. So we have to be very careful about guests privacy.....this must have been stirred up by the review process and the host was not even talked to before a suspension happened. As community leader, I asked for all the details and worked with the community leaders team and they had it escalated and they were back all OK after 72 hrs. but I know many hosts have been knocked out of action for weeks. So we all need to be very careful about privacy for our guests. Even when you own the property and want to finish up projects (not emergency, just things) I'd recommend you wait till there are NO guests. When guests pay to stay in a property they want privacy and some are cool, others Not so cool and you surely don't want your neighbor to suddenly impact your hosting abilities, which could happen, imagine if the guests thought you were the neighbor/and their host and reported, or complained. Just wanted to let you know this is surely a bigger deal than some might think. (not small stuff)

happy hosting

[Sarah977]

@Clara116  Good points about privacy, but the OP is already aware of this, which is why she doesn't want the neighbor intruding.

And she also said she lives right next door, so I imagine guests are aware of who the host is as opposed to the neighbor.

[Flavia202]

@Kim2631, I too would feel uncomfortable with a neighbour popping over to chat with my guests, even if guests say it's ok (so far). The minute you get a guest who objects is the start of a possible bad review.

I would suggest that you start by using the Covid card. Let your neighbour know face to face in a nice way that although vaccinations are up, your guests are cautious and uncomfortable with interacting with strangers, so could she please keep her distance and not visit them. (If she counters that you are in essence a stranger to them also, bite your tongue and pretend you didn't hear. Lol!).

You could also thank her for being a good neighbour and say that a wave from a safe distance would be ok.