Hello @Donna-and-Mitch0,
As you're government ID verified yourself and your listing has instant book turned on might it be that you also require guests to have submitted government ID?
If you do require that then that explains why you don't see your listing when you search in an incognito window. As you say, Airbnb then doesn't know that it's you searching. The issue is that they don't know at all who is searching and so cannot know if the searcher fulfills your requirements. Hence your listing will not be shown. If you have that requirement your listing will be shown only to logged in searchers who have submitted government ID.
I could find your listing only when logged in. I've submitted government ID.
In this case it's not that you're listed well when searching for your own listing it's that your listing isn't shown to any searcher if Airbnb cannot determine whether they satisfy your booking criteria.
I, a complete stranger, see your listing on the first page when I'm logged in as I have submitted government ID.
The article below has tips on searching for your instant book listing.
Searching-for-your-Instant-Book-Listing
The article below has information on things that influence search result ordering.
Your-top-questions-about-Airbnb-Search
Steve.