Single woman host tired of invasive questions

Laura1355
Level 7
Minnesota, United States

Single woman host tired of invasive questions

I'm a single woman and rent out a room in my home. I've been doing this for 6 months and accept both men and women as guests because it generates the most rentals. Lately I've noticed a disturbing trend by young male guests who don't respect my space (and yes the shared and nonshared spaces are itemized on my listing) but even worse feel comfortable asking me questions like who lives here, what I do for a living, what my marital status is and it's pissing me off. I know I have the right to tell Airbnb I'm uncomfortable and cancel the reservation  but am a super host and I know speaking up carries the risk of negative reviews and backlash by Airbnb. I don't want to be rude and think the men are just being nosy but it's annoying especially since my listing says I'm an introvert and prefer limited interaction. I refuse to hide in my room while I have guests. What is a diplomatic kind way of saying none of your effing business? I know how to be confrontational but struggle with being simply assertive. Thanks. 

13 Replies 13
Lisa723
Level 10
Quilcene, WA

Probably a lot of people wouldn't consider those questions invasive, especially in the kind of shared home listing that you offer. I expect many people would consider it rude or odd to live in close quarters (walking through the house to get to the shower, for example) and not make any kind of small talk. (This is in part why I, a fellow introvert, would never share a space like that.) Your interaction with host section says you are "open to questions" so the first thing I would do is change that to "open to non-personal questions about the area or your stay," and then include "introvert-friendly" or something like that in your listing title to attract fellow introverts, who will appreciate it. But I think you have a difficult situation there. Hosting is sort of about opening your space and yourself to other people, to at least some degree.

 

Regarding guests entering off-limits areas, maybe some reminder signage at doorways?

@Laura1355 To be honest, I wouldn't consider questions like who lives here, what I do for a living, what my marital status is to be "invasive" - it's more just small talk and being friendly. It would be more rude and awkward to ignore and pretend the other person is not there.

If you are not into small talk of any kind then @Lisa723 made some great suggestions about changing your interaction status and description. I do not see anything wrong stating that as an on-site host you are happy to answer questions about where to eat or what to do BUT you "value privacy and do not like any type of personal questions"

Also, try to tailor your listing description to target the type of guest you want to attract. I have a very long and detailed description and extensive list of house rules - anyone who thinks it is too wordy and there are too many rules will pass me over while people who like the level of detail provided will consider booking with me 🙂 

David126
Level 10
Como, CO

I get questions, the common one I have replies that sort of answer but not really, easy enough to do.

David
Paul154
Level 10
Seattle, WA

Create another persona. A persona that will protect you and bore your guest.

"Yes, I'm  Laura. I'm an accountant at a small insurance company. I'm married, 10 years, my husband is away for work now. "

"Yes, I'm Laura. I'm a safety manager at a nearby warehouse. I'm single, sorry, but I like older wealthier men"

Or make it so riduculous that guest understands he's being nosy

"I'm a professional hand model. I like it . I travel often. My boyfriend is Leonardo Di Caprio". 

In other words, lie. This way, you get to protect your privacy and it's fun! 

 

 

Aaah @Paul154!!! 😄 😄 😄

 

Mariann 🙂

 "sorry, but I like older wealthier men" rofl best answer!

Kelly149
Level 10
Austin, TX

They don’t respect the different kinds of space in your house bc they haven’t read the listing. Most likely. 

 

I’d say the ‘who else lives here’ question is reasonable for a shared space. 

And the other chit chat I think you’ll just have to grit through. Although warning guests ahead of time would be a good idea “I want your stay to be comfortable so please lmk if you have any questions or concerns but please know that I’m not very good at chit chat so I’ll mostly smile, nod and leave you to yourself. “

 

For the intrusive and clueless:

“Why do you ask?”

“oh my life is boring, how are you enjoying xxx?”

”whoops! This isn’t one of the shared rooms. You’re welcome to enjoy the living room. Thanks. “

”You’re so kind to ask after me but I’m not much for sharing. Did you have everything you needed in your room?”

and then everything Paul said

Zacharias0
Level 10
Las Vegas, NV

i had to laugh out loud at this one because sometimes i feel the same. some questions are intrusive for a stranger to ask. i hate the question of how much i paid for my house, if i own it, where i work and what i do. some questions are just personal or a sore subject. i dont mind talking to guests about their stay, the weather and general things but it feels rude to ask how much my house costs and what i do for work. thats just me though. 

Jay339
Level 1
Ann Arbor, MI

I've stayed at airbnb many times and never have asked what the host did for a living, if they are married, etc. 

 

If it is a shared place I would certainly want to know who else is going to be there (do you have 4 young children running around, is your ailing grandmother laying in her bed in the next room, etc), but my only real requirement is for privacy so I would not take a shared place to begin with. 

 

If I were you I would also be annoyed by questions as to whether or not I was married or what I do for a living. To me those questions are not appropriate and sound like the person is hoping for answers indicating they will pretty much have the place to themselves.. maybe they are too cheap to rent a more private space. Hopefully you are not one of those hosts who bills a basement or room with a bathroom and private entrance as "entire place".

Susan151
Level 10
Somerville, MA

These types of questions are very invasive and go beyond what has been normal at my AirBNB. You might be encouraging the "who lives here" question by your frequent use of "we" in the description. Most people, me included, would assume that this meant more than one human; not one human and her animals.

 

Few other thoughts, not that you asked.... you call the room a "studio" which feels wrong to me if someone has to go down a flight of stairs, through the kitchen, in order to reach a bathroom. Isn't this a bedroom in a shared house?

 

Also you indicate that your bed is a sofa bed in a common area, but your description indicated that it is a bedroom in a shared house. The bed doesn't look like a sofa bed. I would change this if it is a real mattress.

 

Good luck deflecting these overly personal questions. Come up with a "script" and then stick to it. You only need to share information that makes you comfortable.

Daniel1992
Level 10
Downingtown, PA

I don't find many of those questions to be invasive.

 

- You consistently list "we" in your listing, which implies that multiple people live there.  The guests may be trying to see who is going to be in the house when they will be.

 

- Asking what you do for work is a normal starter question, and is used by nearly everyone to find a common connection.

 

- Asking what your marital status is, however, invasive.  I would refuse to answer that unless you're comfortable doing so.

 

However, I would put in your listing that you are uncomfortable with ANY personal questions.  If they don't read your listing, that's on them, and you can hit them with a poor review.

Victoria567
Level 10
Scotland, United Kingdom

Hi@Laura

What about a couple of meaningful sentences at least on your profile that states your previous employment status or education as some guests like to have some sort of idea of the type of host they are staying with?

Perhaps add a few hobbies or interests and add I will be living on the property but I will leave you the space and the peace to enjoy your privacy, as I do mine.

 

Olga464
Level 10
Kyiv, Ukraine

@Laura1355  Just say in your introduction letter ( not on the site, but in your first reply to the client), that you work in police. All your troubles will disappear