Times are a changing

[Robin4]

I have been absent from here for the last few weeks because I have lost my wife of 48 years!

I don't mean she has died but, she has MS and has got to the point where I can't look after her in the family home any more. She has had to go into full time care and l have to say....I am struggling! When you have been together for 45 + years you become like a pair of comfortable old slippers....and it is terribly hard getting up in the morning and finding the mate to that slipper is missing!

I am coming back here because I need the company of Airbnb. I need the strength of those I have talked to for the past few years...I need to leave my issues behind for a few hours every now and then.

I am probably going to make some bad judgement calls dependant on my mood! I have always tried to put a silver lining on every cloud that appeared on the Airbnb horizon but I guess there are going to be times when I want to lash out and tell some enquiring individual to F..... off!

The listing is going great, I am averaging around 8 Airbnb bookings per month, and I have now stopped using any other hosting alternatives, and I am so thankful for the wonderful guests that Airbnb have brought into my life.

Without Airbnb I would be in a bloody deep hole at the moment....but with Airbnb, every day I see a new horizon, a new challenge, a new experience.

I hope we can all get beyond the negativity which we see so much of and concentrate on what we are all here for....to make a buck, and at the same time, make a friend!

Cheers.......Rob

[Linda108]

I am so sorry that you and your beloved wife are going through this time of trial, @Robin4.  I witnessed the same process with a cousin of mine and his wife.  

That you will use some of your time thinking of how to help others is a good choice I think.  While you are helping a newbie either avoid a problem or handle some issue, you may lessen the feeling of powerlessness that often can accompany dealing with MS.

I look forward to seeing your posts once again.

Linda

[Robin4]

@Linda. 

You, along with @Clare and @Dave & Deb were the trilogy of saints who meant so much to me in my early days of hosting. Without you three my hosting career would have been vastly different to what it is today.

Each time I post an answer here I hope it will have the same effect on the recipient as your answers had to my questions.

Yesterday I hit my 100th Airbnb review of which 94 have been 5 star so I think the three of you were all good teachers.

I am confident about the future, I don't let myself get bogged down in woes and I do feel part of a community here. At times I will be wrong....A few weeks ago I told @Lawrene  and @Alice & Jeff that a prospective guest could simply message a host without nominating stay dates. I said that because that was my experience in contacting hosts here, but as soon as I tried to send each of them a message, I could not proceed without inserting dates....I looked at my screen and thought 'what th'.....I had done it previously so often. I can't explain why the system finally caught up with me, but it did.....I was wrong and I have given that information to others so many times.

But I hope on balance I am right more often than I am wrong.

I look at all the good things that have happened to me over the years and hope that some of that good fortune will rub off on someone else.

Thanks Linda for being you!

Cheers.....Rob

[Rene-and-Zac0]

@Robin4 After every Winter there is a Spring. After every storm there comes sunshine. 

Sometimes we wonder why HE has given us this burden but the answers come in prayer. 

HE gives so much and he takes so much too.

Honor your blessings and understand, your heart hasn’t changed. The tremendous love and sacrifice to admit your wife needs better care is your salvation. Reminiscing on the good times and continued support of you beloved will carry you. HE will never give you more than you can handle. 

[Susan299]

Hi Rob, Sorry to hear about your present situation. I had a life long friend who had MSA and it was really difficult for me as a friend to watch that happen. we were friends for 50 yrs. he eventually went for the assisted death pill because the end would have been grim. But I liked what you said about your two being like a pair of old slippers! How sweet. Hang in there, you are right there is always a ray of sunshine behind the dark clouds. I am a single airbnber, in northern Vermont, hard to imagine the sunny Aussie countryside, but I think it must be lovely. HOT is not what we have here at the moment. The thing I like best of airbnb is the funny people of all ages I get to meet if only for a short time. I havent before but I think I will begin to take photos of each guest and then make it into a big poster for my other guests to feel like part of a big family. anyway I have to go now but saw your note, and I dont ususally go on this message board but thought I would drop you a HEY HI HELLO HOW ARE YOU? Be well, steady on and remember the blessings.

CHeers! Susan

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

Oh dear @Robin4 I am so sorry to hear you and your wife are going thru a difficult time. Whenever you mentioned your wife on other posts I always personally hoped that Henry and I can talk about each other like that with such fondness and love when we reach your age. I am glad that hosting is going well for you and it is there to help you keep you busy. The fact that you are focusing on hosting and helping others while going thru such a loss just goes to show what a strong, positive spirit you have. I will be on the look out for more of your sometimes humorous and always insightful posts on the CC. 

There is a saying in Korea that literally translates - Sharing your joy with others will double the amount of joy, while sharing your sorrow with others will cut it in half.  (기쁨은 나누면 배가 되고 슬픔은 나누면 반이 된다) 

[Robin4]

@Jessica & Henry

Hey Jessica, what do you mean, "when we reach your age"!!! I have got a least 30 years left in me yet, hahaha!

In another of my lives I am the kitchen coordinator for a voluntary meals organisation called Meals on Wheels.....

We have 117 volunteers in the branch and each day we prepare and deliver 60-80 three course meals for folks who are no longer able to cook for themselves.

Around the table during a break in a phylosophical moment I said, I would love to think I had another 20 years left in me! My family history says I haven't, and that would make me 93 if I did get there. But whether I do or I don't, the one thing I know for sure is....the next 20 years are not going to be as good as the last 20 were! I have been over the top and I am now on the downward other side of life....and Jessica, that takes a lot of coming to peace with.

And that is why I bury myself into Airbnb, Meals on Wheels, and doing what ever I do here on the CC. I also write for two other sites....Quora and a product review site. I fill my days up with as much as I can possibly cope with because I don't want to admit that....I can't do it any more.

So Jess....no jabs at 'my age' ;-))

Cheers.....Rob

[Donna240]

Dear Robin,

Sometimes what we perceive as negativity from someone else is actually their pain and grief coming to the surface. So try to let it bounce off your back or the weight of your own burden may become heavier. Telling someone to f off can ease your tension, but in the long run it can ruin your own character. Then you end up being a person you can't even recognize and never intended to become. And heaven help you if the person you're telling off is a guest! LOL

I personally try to stay away from social media, but find myself drawn here because I need to try and figure out whether Airbnb is a good fit and I learn much on this board. I think it was a good idea for the company to set this up as we all have something in common and can answer each other's questions from our own experiences. It can become as much as we need it to be and right now you need it to help you over a rough spot.

I too find having guests a pleasure, as they give me different perspectives on many things. If you can come up with more ways to interact with your guests, you will have less time on your own to dwell on your new circumstances. As an added benefit, it could also enhance their stays. It could be as simple as putting your welcome book in a drawer and walking guests through your property showing them how the TV remote works, where the light switches are and helping them sign onto the wifi. Or putting on the kettle and having a cuppa while you tell them about unexpected attractions in your area.

Your life has changed and it will no longer be a comfortable slipper (I loved your metaphor) that is a perfect fit, but it can become something else that comforts you. If you can only learn to compartmentalize your grief, because even though your wife is still living, you are no longer together on a daily basis, you may be able to discover what that comfort might be. Since your normal routine is in tatters, you might think about changing it, to include getting out of your home more often. Plan a routine visit to your wife, whether it be daily or weekly, so she has the comfort of your company and has something to look forward to. She has lost the comfort of familiar surroundings, so seeing you will be the highlight of her day. Volunteer with whatever organization you support, your church, a community kitchen for the poor, anywhere that you can do some good. If you don't have a pet, get one, or at least start feeding the birds in your garden. Living creatures are a great comfort. since my cat dies, I even enjoy watching the small rats that come to eat the bird seed (the cheeky little  buggers are waking up early to get to it before I bring it in, so they will go elsewhere).

Good luck to you, Robin, you can get through this.

[Donna240]

P.S. Robin, you already have more coping skills than I had imagined, I just read your profile!!! Carry on! Bring a Naked Lady on your next visit to see your wife....that's what we call the pink flower you described  as an Easter Lily.

[Robin4]

@Mrs--Donna0

Thanks for your thoughts Donna...you cope because you have to...the heart always makes room!

When Ade and I married I was so full of love for her that I thought there was no room for anything else in my life....but I was wrong! When our first daughter arrived I realised that no matter how much in love you may be, the heart will always make room for another!

The hardest thing for me came two years ago when I sat across a Neurologists desk in the Canberra hospital as he told another of my girls, she had MS!!!! My youngest daughter Kate also has it, and in a more aggresive form that Adrienne's!

My reaction was, hang on, this is 'groudhog day'....how many times in my life to I have to fight this bloody demon?

So Donna, coping skills....yeah I know a fair bit about coping skills....but I still want to help others, it gives a purpose to my life.

Cheers......Rob 

[Teresa377]

Rob......

Have your family tested for mthfr...a genetic mutation that causes our bodies not to use B12/folic acid (folate) right. It can cause NS like symptoms and most wouldn’t know the difference in an MRI...but the difference is that you can take different vitamins in high doses and protect your nerves better...maybe staving off the bleak future. 

I have ave been told I have MS...and I have this genetic mutation and treating it vs treating MS has made a huge difference for be. Maybe not...but it’s worth trying. 

[Robin4]

@Teresa377

Thanks for that information Teresa and yes I am aware of this and have heard it mentioned before. Over the past few years I have been tracking the relationship between MS and Glandular Fever as a teen. There does appear to be a compelling linkage and nuerologists I know and have dealings with are currently working on what that linkage is.

Ade injects herself with Betaferon every two days and has done since 1994. We can't say that it is the answer or not but, if she didn't do it she couldn't say she had given this desease her best shot. Re-booting the immune system showed some promise for a while but it was very expensive and early examples of it are, over time, proving it to be of little or no benefit....it delays the desease, it does not cure it. 

Some high profile people will say they have cured themselves of MS but, what is happening they are in the 'relapsing/remitting' stage of the desease where they may go for many years without an attack....they are not cured, they are just not under attack at that point and once the attack is over some repair work takes place in the brain or the spine giving the impression they are cured.

Thanks once again for that Teresa, I am always appreciative of any advice I can get where this is concerned.

Cheers......Rob

[Lyn-and-Gavin0]

So sorry to read the sad news about your wife @Robin4.  I had wondered where you had got to as I have missed your advice and posts.  Just to say thinking about you both at this difficult time.

[Rachel0]

@Robin4That is so tough on you and I am so sad to hear your story, but I totally agree that keeping Airbnb going at a time like this is the right thing to do.

I have a similar problem. I became a host back in early 2015.  Everything went brilliantly, I became a Superhost, got bookings constantly and was rushed off my feet.  In late 2016 I was diagnosed with lung cancer but it was caught at an early stage and had not spread so I went into hospital, had surgery and having put my listing on snooze while I was in there I came back out and carried on.  The **bleep** thing came back just before this last Christmas so off I had to go again.  Just spent another week in hospital being opened up - I got out last Friday - and once  again put my listing on snooze and will carry on.  Hopefully this time they have managed to get the whole lot out as a third attempt is not an option.  

It gives me the impetus I need to keep going, to get up in the morning rather than lying in bed and feeling miserable, to think positive thoughts which are so vital in defeating cancer and to keep some extra money coming in so that I can get myself over to Australia for a 3rd time!   Keep on finding your silver linings and only tell people to F off (or worse!) in your head and stay being a great host, all the best Rachel

[Paul154]

@Robin4

Very sorry your life has changed so drastically. I wish the best for you and your wife.

I'm glad you're back here. I've always appreciated your support and quips.  

I, too like Airbnb for my need to be purposeful and busy.

Keep going, you're doing the best possible.