Touchy Situation - Needs Honest Review

Mimi26
Level 2
Orlando, FL

Touchy Situation - Needs Honest Review

Hopefully someone will read and offer advice quickly.  I have a guest staying with me who has said he is autistic (he shared this after he arrived - not that I would have denied his request based on his positive reviews).  Now...he is a software engineer, and as mentioned, has decent reviews, but it’s obvious that he has very limited social skills.  I have never been more uncomfortable with a guest.  I’m trying to suck it up and get through his stay, which ends Monday, but I really wish someone had written something to share about his disposition without being cruel or just saying he is Autistic (I don’t think you should say that anyway, not do I really know that is the issue).  I understand that it’s quite possible that he can’t help himself, but several of his comments and conversations have been way out of my comfort zone.  I don’t feel threatened or vulnerable, but someone else might and I don’t want to rate him as a “good” guest because there are many layers to that and he is missing most. If I didn’t believe that he had a disorder he can’t help, I would have asked him to leave, but I’m trying to be understanding of what he may not be able to control.

43 Replies 43
Emiel1
Level 10
Leeuwarden, The Netherlands

Hello @Mimi26,

I also recently accomodated a guest who was autistic. He mentioned it on forehand. But if he did not mentioned it, i would not even noticed it ! It is not clear to me waht your issue is . Quote "but several of his comments and conversations have been way out of my comfort zone.".

Can you give an example ? I feel you are struggling with something, but it is not  clear what you mean.

Best regards,

Emiel

Emiel:  topics of conversation that I would never have with someone I did not know well, especially male comment to female host.  Having said that, my entire career was working with mostly men and I am not a person who cannot hold their own.  I have not had close experiences with persons suffering from any sort of disorder that affects their social behaviors, but I know enough from reading that it is a fact.  My problem is, if he can’t help it, I understand, but as a single female host, had I known how socially awkward he is, I would not have accepted him as my guest.

Victoria567
Level 10
Scotland, United Kingdom

Hi@Mimi

If you feel uncomfortable with the guest then please cancel, irrelevant of medical conditions etc.

 

If booking already made then please phone up air bnb directly and explain your situation that yiu are uncomfortable with the guest and ask Air bnb to cancel penalty free either financially or to your booking profile.

 

 

Thank you for your comments.  My question was really related to how to leave an appropriate review, but I appreciate your time.

I just say in these cases "It wasn't a good fit for us but we wish them safe travels." If this is a person who is high maintenance and requires a lot of hand-holding, I say "Nice guest but better suited to a hotel with additional support." 

The Johnsons
Kimberly54
Level 10
San Diego, CA

Hi @Mimi26, wow, you have a tough one there, cookie!

 

If he is autistic, he knows in some way that he is not like the other children, but he can not see it from your eyes/point of view.

 

So he's told you that he has autism.  He's obviously had a diagnosis and has been dealing with this (and repercussions) for some time? 

 

People with autism are often much like Savants--brilliant in some areas, and often severely off-the-charts-lacking in others.   (Social skills are super common.)

 

What were his other reviews like? 

 

Look forward to your reply to the group,

 

 

 

Kim

Kimberly, he is not a child, he is a man.  As mentioned in my original post, his reviews are favorable, which is why I accepted him as a guest.

Kimberly54
Level 10
San Diego, CA

@Mimi26, he is much more of a child than a man. 

 

Best,

 

Kim

Kimberly, I apologize, I was looking for recommendations for a review, not information regarding disorders.  I am not a physician or phycologist.  

@Mimi26, no need for apologies at all.  I am also neither a physician nor a psychologist... just a little experience.

 

I think that it might be quite helpful if future hosts could understand that they are hosting someone special.  This might sound like terrible discrimination, but I would really rather pass on a guest who was autistic. 

 

You didn't even know until after the fact. 

 

This is why I recommended that you look at the past reviews.  That's all.

 

I wish you a peaceful next couple of days.

 

 

 

Kim

Absolutely! and I always read reviews thoroughly before I ever accept a guest, which is why a proper review is imortant to me.

Kimberly, I don’t think you can know that if you don’t know him. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems as if you’re assuming that autistic people of adult age are not really adult, and that is a wrong assumption. 

 

Autistic adults are as much adults as non-autistic adults. As with non-autistic people, there are people who are mature and people who are less mature. You cannot predict this on the basis of their neurology. 

 

Autistic people can learn social skills and not to make comments that make people uncomfortable, especially members of the opposite sex. 

Emilia42
Level 10
Orono, ME

@Mimi26

I always scratch my head when someone says, "if he can’t help it, I understand." There are a lot of conditions and mental illnesses which, unfortunately, are in control of many people’s lives, but the line has be to drawn somewhere. If you are that uncomfortable with this person you need to mention something. Whether it be appropriately/gently in his review or a conservation to tread lightly around each other until he leaves.

I am limiting our interaction until his departure and the review is actually my concern.  I think hosts should have a better understanding of exactly who they are hosting, but at the same time, I want to b respectful of his condition.