Uncomfortable (sexually loaded) situation with male guests: report to AirBnB?

Claire446
Level 3
Portland, OR

Uncomfortable (sexually loaded) situation with male guests: report to AirBnB?

This past week I rented my home to a group of guys. I'm a woman in my 30s. The guy who booked never responded to any of my messages before, during, or after his stay. Total silence despite my repeated attempts to contact him. The home is self-check-in, and he left the house in good condition. However, almost immediately after confirming the booking a few weeks ago, I started getting messages from a male friend of his. The guy who booked had given my number to the friend apparently, and the friend repeatedly messaged me, pressuring me to provide listings for strip clubs in the area. He also noted that his friend is an "ass man". I repeatedly told him to look them up on Yelp, but he insisted three times that I send them to his friend.

 

Eventually I sent some listings from Yelp, but only because I was afraid they might leave me a bad review if I refused. Needless to say this made me very uncomfortable, even more so because the neighbor who manages my house when I'm away is a single woman as well. 

 

In my review I noted that they left the house clean but were not communicative, and I noted that I was uncomfortable with being pressured to provide listings for nearby strip clubs. I also added a note to AirBnB (in that field that shows up after the review), detailing the situation. I assume AirBnB actually reads those? Should I send a message to AirBnB directly about the situation?

20 Replies 20
Marzena4
Level 10
Kraków, Poland

The most important when dealing with guests is to stay assertive and clearly show the limits before you fall into despair, @Claire446. I have had a few situations (me being a female host as well), but always solved the issues myself, for example:

Guest: This bed is big enough for two people...

Me: So I hope you will get a good night's sleep. Goodnight 🙂

 

 

// "The only person you can trust is yourself"
Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

Flag the guest and report the inappropiate behavior to airbnb. Your safety (and that of future unsuspecting female hosts)  is much more important than a bad review. And you can respond publicly to a bad review.

Yes, of course safety is more important than a bad review, but the Airbnb way of placing potential listings doesn't testify to this...one should be able to both leave a bad review AND still have a good placement on Airbnb. In fact, a poor review of a guest seems to me like it should solidify your quality as a host, yes? (cuz who would leave a bad review of a good guest?)

I don't know if I will get a review from them at all, so far nothing. However, if someone were to give me a bad review in this situation, I should be able to show AirBnB the weird text messages and have them delete the review. Not sure if that's how it works since I haven't been in that situation, but it would make sense.

Fred13
Level 10
Placencia, Belize

What was wrong with just saying - "I do not know of any", and then totally ignore? End of issue.

@Fred13, I don't think you realize how uncomfortable this situation would be for a woman alone like @Claire446@ The person has her address and a lot of information about her, and can easily follow up on any threats, implied or real, that he might make. His behavior is clearly inappropriate and passes beyond all limits for acceptable behavior of a guest. She should definitely report this to air B&B and prevent him from being a guest at any single woman's house anytime in the future.

Fred, I deflected/refused three times. He didn't stop messaging me, so no, not "end of issue" unfortunately.

Gordon0
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

I'd have blocked his number/ignored, and possibly escalated to Airbnb to cancel the reservation. 

MaryBeth22
Level 4
Menomonie, WI

I am much older than Claire, but her question speaks to concerns I have about my own safety--and that of my young grandchild. We need to remember we are NOT hotels, but have our own lives and our family members' lives to consider. The messaging Claire got is simply unacceptable. Underneath it all is that fear of a "negative review." I think Airbnb needs to become more proactive about this.

Absolutely, Mary Beth, and this goes for people of all ages, male and female. You never really know who you're inviting in; we don't have security or a group of employees to handle difficult situations as a hotel might. And it's clear that AirBnB's verification process is never going to be enough. I already had a verified guest do more than $3,000 in damage, and i've only been using AirBnB for five months. What else will I be facing if I have multiple weird incidents just in the first few months?

 

In both cases (the damages and this guy) the guests were verified with government ID, selfie, etc. I even spoke to the woman who did the damage over the phone beforehand. But neither had previous reviews. I don't like the thought of not giving new people a chance, but I'm seriously considering no longer renting to anyone who has no reviews. Yet I'm thankful someone gave ME a chance when I was new to AirBnB...

 

What do all of you do? Do you simply not rent to people without reviews?

Huma0
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

@Claire446

 

I also don't like to turn away people with no reviews because everyone is a first time Airbnb user at some point. I do try to have some correspondence with the guest before booking to make sure I am comfortable with them, but of course, this is far from fail safe and in your case, the issues started after the stay.

 

I don't think this is acceptable behaviour AT ALL. I don't want to sound sexist here, but it always amazes me how dismissive many male hosts are when a female hosts posts about this sort of problem on the forums. You would have thought with everything we have seen in the news over the past few months that people would have started to realise that sexual harrassment is not okay and people who practice it should face some consequences.

 

Flag his profile. Report it to Airbnb. If he does leave you a negative review, you have a right to respond. Don't rant in your response, but clearly state that this guest and his friends made you extremely uncomfortable due to their inappropriate messages.

@Huma0'We' handle things differently, and simpler. No one is dismissing anything: the stupid creep should be 'handled', how is the only difference in opinion.

Fred13
Level 10
Placencia, Belize

  Private hosting via a platform like Airbnb, oftentimes requires a certain set of 'survival' personal skills, and does require handling, on the spot, of every day small conflicts with particular people. Otherwise, any situation will become a stretched, time-wasting endless unnecessary conflict.

  And especially with Airbnb in particular who judging by the mentality of the founders which I gather is  wanting to establish a whole new world order of everyone ultimately loving each other. The mere introduction of the word 'uncomfortable' for example is a giant leap in itself, because is so subjective and personal.

   In my 'younger' days, things were 'simpler', women would tell this creep to drop dead and do not text them again with such nonsense. In the home sharing reality however, there is the potential 'hostage' situation with the Review, which yes changes the whole dynamics and harnesses personal freedoms of expression by the host. 

  I think what is really missing is Airbnb being just as tough with guests than they are now being with hosts, namely they do need to back the hosts more, and this will make the host's job easier to handle such situations like Claire's by her and on the spot and feel confident about it, and then not having to get Airbnb involved with it.

 

Disclaimer: In my 'younger' days we really didn't have texting per se, but used two cans with a tight string between them to communicate from cave to cave. And yes, the women also carried a big club!

Huma0
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

@Fred13I think the problem here is that @Claire446 did try to handle the situation, but the guest's friend would not stop harrassing her and she was afraid. I have been hit on by guests or received inappropriate messages after the stay, but I 'handled' it as you suggested and that was the end of that. For Claire, it wasn't the end unfortunately. Also, I am older and won't accept this kind of nonsense, bad review or not, but in my younger years, I wouldn't necessarily have been as confident in the same situation.

 

Personally, I would not have sent them links. I would have been straight on the phone to Airbnb at this point. That would also help to safeguard me against a bad review, should it come, i.e. I had reported the problems with the guest and therefore have some ammunition in asking for the review to be removed. You are right, there is no guarantee that Airbnb would help, but so far, they've been very helpful to me with guests that have behaved inappropriately, although they were inappropriate in other ways, not harrassment.