Uninvited Guest

[Debbie96]

 A family of 3 (mom, dad & son)  are renting a couple of bedrooms in my home while they help their daughter settle into her first year and university.   Last night, the daughter spent  her the first night in her dorm with the family -- as scheduled--- stayed with me.   They brought the daughter over to visit and the mother announced that she is going to be spending the evening her as well.   She didn't ask, she just stated this.   I charge a flat rate for one person and an additional fee for each guest.   The mother neither asked nor offered to pay extra and, I felt like a "deer in the headlights" and said *nothing*. 

I didn't say anything because (1) I feel I'm earning a very good nightly rate ---which is in keeping with what I offer and what I have invested , (2) am loathe to create 'bad energy' for the remainder of the stay in my home (2 more nights) and, (3) have worked very hard now and in the past to receive very positive reviews.  I really go out of my way to be helpful and make my guests feel welcome.

Any and all advice or direction would be most welcome.   At the very least, I'm able to air my frustration with 'someone'.   Thank you for listening!!!!

[Richard-and-Isabel0]

Curious to know if you hear about this one. We had someone clearly booking for 2 total people and yet our check out inspection and our AirBnb's neighbors advised us that there were 4 people staying the nights at the property. 

This is NOT right. Our rate already is well below market and we charge $10.00 for each extra guest over 3. This is stealing, it is not my opinion, it is a fact!

The problem to us is this: we have 5 star ratings, not one rating below such, and with the famously unfair rating system with which AirBnb has us all hosts work, we are facing being put on a hard spot of requesting for the fee they should have paid at time of booking and having to confront our guests by telling them they have been caught flat out lying about the ocupancy for their stay. This before they review us and thus risking a retaliatory review of our place.

[Debbie96]

Thank you for your solidarity on this one Richard and Isabel!   We certainly are caught in a conundrum which rends us speechless least we face the obvious 'landmines' detonated by speaking out.    It feels like being a doormat.     

[Victoria567]

Hi @Richard0 and Isabel

In my experience low rental= cheapskates

cheapskates= entitlement 

entitlement= problems 

[Debbie96]

I totally agree with you Victoria!   This is one reason why I am so very grateful to be able to be close to the highest pricepoints in my city.     

Most all of my guests have integrity and are interesting, delightful, accomplished and respectful.    We've benefited from each other's company and my guests end up getting what they paid for and some.

[Emiel1]

Hi @Debbie96 ,

I see you charge £25,- for each guest after the 1st  one (max 4 guests). I also see you have 2 bedrooms with each a double bed. Is the daughter now spending the night too (as you mentioned: evening) ?

As you state not wanting "trouble" and as it is only 2 nights remaining, maybe just bring the issue on the table (reservation is made for 3 guests, not for 4) and see how they react on it.

Nex time: don't be a "deer in the headlights", but reply in a professional manner, stating the 4th person is an extra guest which has to be paid for, according to your listing.

Best regards, Emiel

[Debbie96]

I totally agree.   Part of the problem is with me.   I should have found my 'professional voice' and stated the obvious.    In the moment, however, I was really stunned  and shocked that the mother didn't even ask, she just informed me.   

The other problem I have is that I'm so very accomodating.   I really want to be supportive and have my guest enjoy their stay.   For example, after staying just one evening the mom asked if she could do her family's laundry.      After we started the wash cycle, I offer to switch them to the dryer while she did some sightseeing and then ended neatly folding everything into a nice pile for her .   She hadn't/hasn't even thanked me for this before her announcement which make me feel even more 'used'.     

Perhaps I'm  putting out a neon light that reads, "Hey, wipe here, I'm your local doormat!"   

[Gillian169]

Did the daughter stay the night? We have lots of guests who are visiting friends and family locally, we do not have a problem with them coming round and staying to watch a movie etc. We would be concerned if they stayed the night! Not that there would be anywhere for them to sleep!

[Debbie96]

Yes, she is spending the night as we speak.  Ugh!

[Debbie96]

I'm also scheduled to make everyone breakfast in the morning and it's usually pretty elaborate!   I'm thinking of making it very, very simple tomorrow morning.  😉

[Victoria567]

Yes @Debbie96

A pot of tea with a selection of cereal and a slice of toast would do nicely!

[Gillian169]

That is not really on but I would try not change what you would normally do for breakfast etc.

We stay at the same place everytime we drop or pick up our son from University, just make it clear at breakfast what the situation is.

Freshers week may not have started and she may have been a bit worried about staying in her accommodation on her own.

Our son is now more than happy to wave us goodbye and doesn't want us hanging around cramping his style!

[Debbie96]

Thank you for this thoughtful reply which has helped me to shift my perspective to the reality of the situation.   The daughter did spend the first evening in her dorm and, now is spending her second evening with us ...however, being a 'fresher,' this is her first time 'away from home'.   

I truly empathize!   This is her (and her mother's) first big step away and is naturally an anxious time for all.   

Giving it further thought, I'm just going to chalk it all up to the separation anxiety had by the family.     I really don't want to believe it's intentional deceit and, in reality, it probably isn't!     

Thank you, again, for reminding me about the angst associated with these types of events.      I'm back in sympathy mode and have decided I'm not going to say or do anything about 'this' and go ahead with my plans to make my usual lovely breakfast for all.    

Thank you dear Gillian!   This really helped me out!

[Victoria567]

Hi @Debbie96

Ok so they’ve booked a longer stay than one night and you quite rightly don’t want bad energy etc.

My advice is to quickly revise your description of your accommodation and make it very clear ( even using your calculation in baby steps to prevent further repeats of this entitled behaviour from other future guests)

 bedroom 1 MAXIMUM 2 guests

bedroom 2 MAXIMUM 2 guests

Accomodation total is 4 guests MAXIMUM per night....... Or whatever combination works for your living space...lYou MUST be crystal clear too about what is NOT acceptable in your living space as the entitled guest just keeps on taking.....give an inch take a mile springs to mind.

Finally DO write an honest review about this “misunderstanding “ to let fellow hosts make up their own minds whether to host this type of guest with an entitled mindset.

[Debbie96]

As you suggest, the listing is crystal clear.   In summary, I allow for up to 4 guests.  I charge for each and every guest (3 guests are cheaper than 4).   This party, however, registered 3 guests for 3 nights.    Now, there are going to be 4 guests for one of these evenings and they haven't offered to pay the extra, very clearly stated, fee.

I do think writing an honest review about the guest is in order but think I should address this with them directly and privately after she leaves.    While what she's doing doesn't show 'integrity',  I'm loathe to publically embarass them especially since I feel that I'm earning a healthy nightly fee.   I could be earning more, yes, but (again) am grateful for the money I'm earning.