What to do when your guest asks you too many questions?

Linda1266
Level 2
Washington, DC

What to do when your guest asks you too many questions?

Hello Everyone - this is a first time and I did not know who to turn to, so thought to ask the collective group.  I have a guest at the moment from another country.  His English is not too good and he chose to stay in an AirBNB rather than a hotel so he could practice his english and stay local.   The first night he wanted to talk and I really don't want to get into conversations with him, but I did and he asked a lot of quesitons like:  Do you live alone?  Who else lives here?  Where do they live?  Do you work?  Where do you work?  Why do you have a room just for a cat?  I don't think it is any of his business to ask me such questions.  It made me fearful that he is here to "rob" me or someone else.  He is a nice person and really don't think he means any harm.

 

Tonight I am sitting here at my kitchen counter and he comes over and starts talking.  I think he thinks his English is better than it is....but now he begins to ask my why I have certain things around my house, why decorations and then started to give me advice about what he thinks.  This is where I stopped him and said that I did not ask him for his opinion.  He backed off and left and came back and appologized....saying he did not want me to be "sad" with him.  I think he meant mad.  And said he likes my house.....

 

This is most likely a cultural thing.  But dose not make me feel very good.  But I really don't want to "engage" with him on a personal level.  So I said no worries.  What are your plans tonight?  This weekend and so on.....so that is where I would like to keep our conversations....but I also don't want to offend him.  And I don't want a bad review.

 

Any thoughts?

 

12 Replies 12
Robin4
Level 10
Mount Barker, Australia

@Linda1266

Linda, you are doing the right thing, keep him at arms length and tell him you do not want to talk of personal things.

What is his body language?.....you can tell a lot about a person by the way they look at you, the way they stand, hold their arms, their eye contact.

If you feel uncomfortable with the way he is approaching these questions, talk to him, facing him with your arms crossed in front of you! This sends out a clear message to the person you are talking to that you do not want your space invaded.

 

He may very well be as you say trying to simply be friendly and improve his foriegn language skills, but there will always be that line between being a warm friendly caring person and being a sexual predator and many people do not know or understand just where that line is.

 

Be friendly but, make it known to him that there are always other things which you need to attend to, and as nice as it is to chat, that doesn't get the housework done, the bills paid, the grocery shopping done!

 

All the best Linda, I feel you are approaching this the right way.

 

Cheers......Rob

Mark116
Level 10
Jersey City, NJ

I don't know, it sounds like what he said, he wants to practice his English, those are the basics, work, names of things in the home, etc.  He may also be a slightly awkward person even in his own culture.  But, it seems fine that you steered the conversation to areas you are comfortable with, however, if he told you before booking he wanted to stay at your listing to interact and practice his English, you should probably be a good sport about it.

Helen427
Level 10
Auckland, New Zealand

@Linda0, do you have brochures on local activities, events etc that your Guests can browse through?
If not they are helpful to encourage Guests to breeak out of their shell and venture outside and meet others so they can Live like Local and improve their English.

 

As one who is experienced with those learning English, may I suggest that you encourage such Guests to attend local Church services where they can listen and absorb English and interact with others, ditto get out and about and speak to bus drivers and sitting next to them on the bus or train, people at the bank, say "hello" to people in the street as they never know what conversation they may strike up.

 

You may like to suggest he source a local Scrabble board game group..it encourages them to use the dictionary and meet new friends!

we too can do the same when travelling to countries where English is not our first alnguage to learn and embrace anothers language and culture.

 

Perhaps also include a link to such places in your Guidebook with mention about learning English..

 

Incidentally, I learnt about the Church service attendance from a delightful Korean man I hosted many years ago when I hosted English Language schoool students and he was in New Zealand learning English.

@Linda1266

I think your guest thought he would be getting a "homestay" type experience when choosing to stay with you -> "he chose to stay in an AirBNB rather than a hotel so he could practice his english and stay local"

 

In certain cultures, asking very personal questions is quite common and a way of showing they want to get to know you better. (questions about age, marital status and what you do for a living are considered the same as asking what your name is - basic questions EVERYONE asks someone you meet for the first time.)  Giving advice is also along the same lines. Instead of personal topics, continuing to talk about impersonal topics like the weather is considered as a way to politely give someone the brush-off, implying "I don't like you and I don't want to get to know you, but I'll be polite and still talk to you so that things are not awkward"

 

I agree with @Helen427 that making suggestions about where he can go to interact with others to "practice his English" is a good start. Good luck~

Linda1266
Level 2
Washington, DC

Update:   Tonight food was delivered for my roommate who lives with me.  He was not home yet but soon came walking up to the front door.   I said it was good timing he arrives when his food was arriving.  

 

So  we into the house and he went downstairs to his space. Soon after my Airbnb guest came out as he was getting ready to leave for the evening, it was around 5:30 PM. He proceeded to ask me a lot of questions about my roommates. Questions like who is that person? Does he own the house? Is he the owner or are you the owner? Is he with you?  Are you two together?

 

while  I hear a lot of the feedback hear is that he’s just trying to practice his English but I really don’t think that asking these types of questions is appropriate.  

 

He is here for a two week training program that is in English. So he is getting a fair share of listening to and speaking English. Everyone or just the one other person he is with from Saudia,  is staying at a very nice hotel.  

 

I don’t like the kind of questions and manner in which I am being asked these specific questions.  This is making me feel uncomfortable.  

@Linda1266

In your culture, I agree that those types of questions are not appropriate. In other cultures it is more or less the norm.

 

Where I live, whenever I change jobs and the boss or someone introduces me to 'the team" they start with my name, age, marital status (but I have a bf), what school I graduated from and my major, which companies I worked at in the past, and how many siblings I have. I also frequently get questions/comments/opinions (not that I asked or care what they think) about why I am not married when I have bf, that I should hurry so I can have kids before the clock runs out (do I not want kids? why?), they ask how my parents feel about me not being married/not having any grandkids, what my father does/did for a living, what schools did my parents/siblings graduate from, where the rest of my family lives, what my bf does for a living, where my bf lives, does he own a house, do I own a house (or rent)..........

 

 I'm not saying it's right or wrong and I completely understand your discomfort but when hosting international guests this may be something you may have to take into account.

 

Also, not sure how much exposure you've had with foreigners learning English but the type of questions your guest is asking is just using the situation in front of him to start a conversation. I know it doesn't feel like that to you...... but trust me. I've seen enough people like that to know. You may think he is getting a fair share of listening to and speaking English - believe me your guest will not agree.  He is there for 2 weeks to live, breathe, eat and sleep English and wants to converse the English-speaking Americans to observe and experience how YOU live and talk and communicate in English. People pay a lot of money to participate in those types of programs and the fact he opted to stay with you instead of a nice hotel says a lot about his expectations. (homestay experience with lots of cultural exchange, and was probably expecting to become good friends with host/host family by the end of 2 weeks)

 

Imo, the best way is to just tell the guest point-blank "In our culture it is extremely rude to ask such personal questions so don't." and maybe show by example the types of questions YOU think are more appropriate when talking with a stranger.

 

Thank you Jessica & Henry.  I appreciate your response.  I have lived aborad and spent a good deal traveling to other countries.  I have never come across this sort of thing.  To ask me if the man living here is the owner of the house after he had asked me that Sunday night and asking where he stays in the house....I am happy to speak to him about other things - weather, restruants, movies, where are good places to go, what is the name of your cat......get my drift?

@Linda1266

Yup I get it...... and nowadays more people travel and are aware of *global* ettiquette but there are still people who don't seem to know where to draw the line. Sigh~~

 

When these types of people ask if I own my home - and I say "yes" - 99% ask what I paid for it, when I bought it, what my mortage is, if I got financial help from my parents to buy my apartment, and if I decide to marry my bf what am I going to do with my home. And they go on line to check and TELL ME how much I could get if I sold my home. Seriously........ I think I have this conversation at least once every couple months 🙂

 

Most of the people who ask me these types of intruding questions are older Koreans (in their mid to late 50s and older) who come from humble backgrounds, are considered "successful" and have had limited exposure to foreigners except for language instructors.  

Linda1266
Level 2
Washington, DC

Thank you for your sharing.  Makes sense.  How do I get to a level 10?  

@Linda1266

levels on the CC don't mean much........ it is just based on how many posts/replies you have written.

Linda1266
Level 2
Washington, DC

Thank you

Robin4
Level 10
Mount Barker, Australia

@Linda1266

Linda a level 10 means we need to get a life and do something, other than spend our time here on a computer keyboard. A level 10 means quantity not quality.

 

Look Linda, to put this in perpective...... I have a disabled wife, Adrienne...MS has robbed her of her legs and she cannot walk unaided any more. I am the kitchen coordinator for a voluntary meals organisation that makes and delivers around 80 3 course meals a day to folks that cannot cook for themselves any more.....
And I have my Airbnb cottage to constantly prepare for the next guests...I do not need anything else going on in my life???

But, I want to help, I want to pass on to others what I have learned through experience and here on the community centre.

Every time someone says I have helped, Linda, I feel good!

 

Cheers.....Rob