Any tips on how to manage passive agressive guest?

[Jessica2480]

Hello -

I have a host staying in my guest room while I'm in the apartment. She's staying for another 4 weeks so I'm looking for tips here. She seems like a good person but lacks some common sense and/or is trying to make things difficult. Week 1 is wrapped and I'm now counting the days, but still looking to make a pleasant experience for both of us.

The below are small things but they are adding up:

- I told her to turn off the lights when she leaves a room after I noticed that she had gone out and left the lights on. Now, ever since I mentioned it, she purposefully leaves the lights on. For instance, she has left the lights on in the living room overnight only for me to find out that they were left on the following day. Just a couple of hours ago, she went to take a shower in the bathroom, before she did, she went to the living room turned the lights on in the living room, finished taking a shower, went to her room and did not turn the lights in the living room.
- After the shower, she complained that the hot water is not hot enough, which is typically not an issue I've had in the past. It's not the case in my shower, and now I have legitimately reached out to a repairman to inspect.
- I told her that the dishes needed to be rinsed a bit before getting into the dishwasher. She didn't do that so the dishes couldn't be properly cleaned by the dishwasher. I told her that I could wash part of the dishes but that she'd have to help me with the rest. She never came to help or washed any of her soiled dishes.
- She asked for a microwave and I don't have one, and I told her I normally don't heat up things in the microwave but rather a stovetop or oven if needed. And, now she's using the oven as if it was a microwave.

- A pan has also been damaged after it was put in the oven.
- The central heating also has been turned on and off as she wishes in the apartment, which is okay to some extent, but it's never turned off or down unless I do so.

I've mentioned to her how to turn things off or use the dishwasher, but it seems almost as if she's now doing the opposite of what I say. I feel like I'm starting to sound pedantic by repeating things too, but she's then looking at her phone when I say something and barely makes eye contact.

Tips on how to best address this passive-agressive behavior? I haven't had a guest like this in the past.
I have 4 more weeks to go, seeking more diplomatic solutions, before any escalation.

[Sandra126]

People live and consume in different ways. Your guest is a high consumer with little regard for energy production. I know someone who as soon as she came home would turn on every light in the house regardless of what room she was in. I don't know how to advice regarding this guest but going forward, I see that you don't have much text on your listing. Maybe say something like: I try to be environmentally aware where possible, and this listing is a great fit if you accept day time temps in winter of x degrees. I really like it if lights get turned off once you have left a room. This sounds not great, but work it so that you can get guests who share your low energy thoughts. At least it will put people off who want it to be 30 degrees Celsius. Normally guests from the tropics. Also might put guests off who take hour showers. Yes, they exist!

[Jessica2480]

Doing this now! Great tip.

[Kim866]

@Jessica2480

 This sounds so much like some of the teenage foster children I've had in the past!!!!!  As a host however, you are limited to what you can actually do about her behavior.  I know it goes against your beliefs but I would give up on the dishes and invest in a package of paper plates for her stay.  Honestly you may wish to invest in a microwave--it may be less trouble going forward.  

In the future I would suggest including some information regarding your energy conserving preferences possibly in your opening messages.  Posting them might help also.

I admire those of you who share your home--good luck!  

Kim

[Patricia1375]

@Jessica2480   I agree with Sandra that if these issues are really important to you, letting folks know (in advance) your rules is a good thing.  I know it can be frustrating to have guests who don't act in a responsible way: i.e. (these are a few examples of experiences we have had with multiple guests stays) open windows when it's winter time and heat is on, putting away dirty dishes as though they were clean, refusing to respect county rules and recycle, refusing to pick up after their dogs excrement, etc.  But I have come to accept that this is the price to do business.  I don't believe we as hosts can change inconsiderate behaviors even when the rules are posted in plain sight, or in your case when you address it in person.  She is on her phone and avoiding eye contact because she has no plans to follow your requests.

[Sarah977]

@Jessica2480  Unless you live where you are required to do 30 day or more bookings, I would not accept long stay guests in a home share. 2 weeks is plenty to be stuck with a guest who behaves objectionably, or who you just don't jive with.

I'm a home share host also and as mentioned by another poster, it is really important to have wording in your listing that attracts the type of guest who is a good fit for you and your place. 

Write what your lifestyle is like -do you work from home, go out to work everyday, go to bed at 9 or are you a night owl?  If a home share host, for instance, goes to bed at 9 or 10 and gets up at 7, you don't want a guest who stays up late and bangs around in the kitchen at midnight and sleeps til noon so you feel you have to be quiet lest you wake them up.

And in addition to describing your own habits, speak to the kind of guest you want. "This a perfect home base for people who like to......" 

As you describe this guest, she sounds incredibly immature and she is simply ignoring everything you have asked of her, which are just normal things people do to be respectful when they are sharing space. 

Quite honestly, I'd be cutting her booking short and getting her to leave. I wouldn't have a person like this in my home for another 4 weeks.

[Mark116]

@Jessica2480  Consider sitting her down and  having a chat, tell her that you want her to have a good stay, and that you feel there may have been a misunderstanding about expectations and house rules.  I would offer to let her shorten the stay...assuming you aren't sick enough of her to shorten it yourself...this way she will either be gone or she will have agreed to stay.  Then I would go over your expectations of cleaning, rinsing dishes, use of the oven, heating of the space.  I would just let the light thing go.  This kind of discussion might clear the air or she will decide to leave.  If after this type of talk she continues to behave in a passive aggressive way, then I would contact Airbnb and ask for a neutral cancellation due to being uncomfortable and guest refusing to follow rules.

[Flavia202]

Your guest sounds as if she's offended that you spoke to her about the stuff and is throwing a silent spiteful tantrum, @Jessica2480.   It'll probably last for the rest of her stay and she may get nastier if you speak to her again. Can you put up with that for the rest of her stay? Best to offer her the option to go. Win some lose some.

About the microwave - unless you absolutely are against it, would suggest that you buy one for future guests' use. It's just quicker and more convenient than the stove top or the oven and you'll avoid a repeat performance of what you're going through now.

[Sarah977]

@Mark116  "Consider sitting her down and  having a chat.."

There are many situations where sitting down for a chat with a guest would be the best thing to do. 

But I have to agree with Flavia, this guest is like a snarky teenager. She looks at her cell phone screen when the host is trying to talk to her. I would doubt that a chat would have any possible good outcome with this guest.

@Jessica2480  I have to disagree with the posters who suggested you get a microwave. It's your home, there's no need to get an appliance that you don't want or need. I have never had a microwave in my home and not one of my guests has ever mentioned it, let alone had the audacity to expect me to go out and buy one. 

While of course we want to make guests comfortable, if they are booking a home share listing, they need to accept what is stated is there. If they require a microwaave, they should book a place that has one.

[Jessica2480]

UPDATE on this: Guest left. Worst guest I've ever hosted. I'm taking a break from Airbnb hosting after this experience.

1. This person killed 2 of my plants, did not tell me that they had fallen until I went to water them.
2. Stained sheets with food stains.
3. Stained pillows.
4. Burned a tea towel in the over because she left the oven on and forgot about it !! And she told me this to my face as if it was okay.
5. Broke a plate I only found the remains...

I offered for her to leave and to give her the remaining of the days back when the wind storm took down the internet/broadband grid in my building. She told me she was going to look for another Airbnb and never left!

And well the guest bedroom was left a mess. I don't want anyone to go through this experience, I've already submitted a damage request which I doubt she would pay.

The Airbnb platform is asking me to submit a review and this is a 1-star review if any - but I feel like she would retaliate on it. I'm tempted not to leave a review given that situation but also don't want hosts to go through the same.

Any suggestion?

[Laura2592]

@Jessica2480 this thread may help:

https://community.withairbnb.com/t5/Tips-Tutorials/All-About-Reviews-FAQs/m-p/1586342#M771

If you read through it, I posted some language that may provide the basis for your review of this guest.

I don't home share but I am also someone who would not be comfortable with a roommate. What you describe seems very inconsiderate, but I don't know that I would care too much about a burned towel or broken plates. We have that happen from time to time and consider it the cost of doing business. We also have plants in the space but the guests aren't expected to care for them. Some have and gone TOO far such as repotting them and killing them!

Every host has things that drive them up a wall. For me its extra guests. If I were living with someone I might have a different peeve. I would concentrate on the areas you can rate her in and be as factual, brief and unemotional as possible.

[Sarah977]

@Jessica2480  Absolutely leave an honest review of this guest to warn other hosts. Otherwise these awful guests just go on to make other hosts' lives miserable. 

A broken plate is something to be expected sometimes- we have all broken a plate in our lives, I imagine. The burnt towel is a concern not because of a ruined towel, but because of the fire hazard- who puts a towel inside an oven?

Don't keep plants in the guest room. Yes, it's a nice touch and many guests would appreciate them and care for them, but many won't.

There's no need to go into detail in the review, keep it brief and simple- "Guest constantly ignored simple requests pertaining to compatible home-sharing, treated the host's possessions available for her use disrespectfully, left a towel in the oven (???), which burnt and was a fire hazard, expected host to buy appliances she wanted that were not offered in the listing. Not recommended and not suited to a home-sharing. "

What kind of retaliation are you concerned about? All she can do is leave a response to the review which will probably make her look even worse.