How do you handle the boyfriend/girlfriend situation?

[Huma0]

So, in my house rules I specify that guests cannot bring other people, regardless of if they are their family or friends, into my house without permission. I host in my own home  and this has happened occasionally, so I felt I needed to put my foot down, especially as I have different guests staying simultaneously. I can't have random strangers wondering about my house for very obvious reasons. If a guest wants to have a visitor, they need to ask in advance, but visitors cannot stay overnight, only confirmed, paid for guests. 

The thing is, I am trying to move towards hosting more longer-term guests (which, before we get into a long dicussion about the pros and cons of that, works very well for me). I understand that longer-term guests may want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend stay over for a night here or there. I don't mean some random pick up, but a regular squeeze. I am open to this, but the way I am handling it is this:

1. I need to have some official details about this person and meet them before they can stay over.

2. I need advance warning of when they are going to stay over.

3. They must not be in the house when the guest is not and they must not be given the key (unless they are officially added to the booking as a second guest).

4. The guest must pay in advance via the Airbnb system the additonal person fee for each night their 'friend' stays. They are, after all, using resources and creating more cleaning for me (I don't charge any cleaning fee).

Does this sound reasonable to you? What would you do?

[Shirley26]

First, to cover yourself, I would put your requirements for extra guests on your website under "additional rules".

Something to think about:  If something unforeseen were to happen  while this unregistered guest is in your home, will your insurance or Airbnb step up to the plate and cover you? 

[Elizabeth2355]

All of that sounds very reasonable to me.

I just encountered a first on Airbnb for me. At a recent stay of an Airbnb I've stayed at several times previously, the host had a male overnight guest that I didn't know to expect going in. I met him briefly, but only introduced by name, not who he was in relation to her.  I didn't think much of it at first because I figured perhaps he was just over for a bit, but turned out he was spending the night-the house is pretty small so everyone there is a felt presence. After two nights I realized I wasn't comfortable enough to stay and left two days early. My reasons had to do with everything you mentioned in the boyfriend/girlfriend post except money. You want to know who this person is before you walk into a situation of a shared overnight space. The host didn't understand why I would be uncomforable, but it's the same reasons you listed-the people might be lovely individuals, but they are random to you until you meet them first and have some particulars .  The host shared that he was her fiance after I'd departed in the messages, but to me, he was a random guy.  I just felt I should  have been given a heads up or she should put in her bio that she and her fiance are the hosts or whatever the situation is. I learned that Airbnb's policy is that the host can have a guest and there's nothing that says they have to disclose that ahead of time. In my book it's common courtesy or good manners. 

I requested a refund got one from Airbnb, but not the host. 

[Huma0]

@Elizabeth2355

I totally agree. I let my guests know in advance even if I am babysitting my 12-year-old niece for a few hours. I feel that it is my duty to let them know who will and will not be in the house.

So, when I ask a guest to let me know in advance if they will have any visitors (especially important in the case of overnight visitors), it is not just a courtesy to me, but to my other guests.

Most, if not all, of my guests are young, solo females so I think it is only fair that they shouldn't unexpectedly encounter an unfamiliar man in the house, but I would extend the same courtesy to any guest, regardless of gender. People need to feel safe and secure where they stay and not have to deal with surprises and awkward situations.

[Helen3]

I state up front in my listing profile that my partner stays over sometimes so guests are aware before they book.

I also remind guests in person when they arrive on when my partner might be around.

I would never have my partner or another guest stay over without letting guest stay over without checking the situation with my guest. If I feel the guest would be uncomfortable I would just stay at my partners.

[Sarah977]

@Elizabeth2355  I quite agree that it's common courtesy to let a guest know if the host is having friends or family stay, as opposed to just a day visit.

I only host one guest at a time, I accept both males and females (or any variation, it's not my business) and am a single female host.

Once my daughter, who I hadn't seen in a year, decided to come visit with little notice, and another time a dear friend from Canada had also decided to come down, quite spur of the moment. In each case, I let the guests know that I had a family member and a friend staying. It wasn't even a matter of a single female guest feeling uncomfortable with an unknown male in the house- both of those guests happened to be male.

But my listing info indicates that guests are only sharing common areas with me, so if that is not going to be the case, I owe it to guests to let them know.

[Israel78]

Nice to meet you online , as a new man in the system; with brevity, i commence that life is full of challenge but you most not allow your challenge to bring you down no matter what the circumstance,

However in every things accuracy and discipline  matter a lot in the rules life .

more over do have great Day!

I love you all.

[Jenny325]

Hoping to get feedback on the original topic... I don't usually allow long-term stays anymore but someone talked me into a two month stay. I have a 4BR house with three guest rooms, and only one bathroom, so only rarely do I allow two guests in a room. It just gets too crowded! This new long-term guest has his girlfriend here tonight. They came in after I was in bed, around 10:30 PM. I figured I'd hear her leave, but no... He did not ask me at any point if she could even come to my house, much less stay here overnight. He mentioned she lived nearby and that he'd be spending a lot of time at her house. He has been a good guest otherwise, so far. I do not want the girlfriend to stay here, period. It's not about getting the extra $10 per night I would usually charge. It's that I simply do not want an additional person here on a regular basis. I'm trying to figure out how best to broach this subject. It seems like lately whenever I have to ask guests to obey house rules, etc., they end up acting resentful and leave a bad review. I'm frankly kind of stunned; I would never invite someone into another person's home without asking their permission. HELP!

[Sarah977]

@Steve823  First page of either Hosting or Help forums- upper right on screen, red bar "Start a Conversation". You''ll get a screen to enter your topic heading and a box to write your post.

Believe me, I'm just as frustrated by the non-intuitiveness of the way the platforms are set up, and complete lack of instructions for use, as you are. The techies who come up with this software must assume that everyone's minds work exactly the way theirs do.

[Sarah977]

@Steve823  I'll address one of your comments. The travel credits issued do indeed have an expiry date. Many credits offered by airlines, stores, etc, also have expiry dates- it's nothing unusual or specific to Airbnb. There is no "profit" involved, it's just a perk for good performance, so the concept that some profit goes back into Airbnb coffers is a strange notion. I've never used my credits and they have expired, but I could have used them if I wanted to- I just didn't care and didn't have the opportunity or desire to travel.  It costs Airbnb nothing to issue these travel credits, they still charge their service fees on bookings they are used for, and I'm sure that many people don't get an opportunity to use them.

Also, as you are new to the forum- to post a new topic, look for the "Start a new Conversation" on the upper right hand side of the Hosting or Help forum. Tacking a post in the middle of another thread that has nothing to do with your topic means that few people will see it or respond to it.

[Steve823]

@Sarah977 Just because what is always was does not make it right. Does it? I had a substatial credit given based on AirBnB issue, a credit they voluntered yet took away. Cash is cash, a gift card should never expire, many never used in the end a credit to the seller of the gift card. 

Perhaps AirBnB along with so many other programing items on the wish list needs to create a better platform for the entering chat so that no one get in the middle of another.

Thank you for your public shaming; I will dig a little deeper next time to locate the appropriate place to post my input so that i don't interupt yours. good day.

[Sarah977]

Wow, @Steve823, I can't imagine why you interpreted my comments as criticism. I was trying to be helpful to a new-to-the-CC user. Obviously when someone posts seeking feedback or help or support, they'd like their post to be as visible as possible. That is accomplished by posting it as a new topic, where it will appear as the first post in the forum, at least until there's a new one. Otherwise it's buried in the midst of an unrelated post, so gets less exposure. Many new to the forum users don't know this, and express thanks that some other host explained that to them, rather than posting a defensive, aggressive reply.

Of course it would be great if the travel credits didn't expire. I was just pointing out that it's not a policy that's exclusive to Airbnb and that it doesn't cost them anything to give them out, nor does it profit them to have them expire, as when they're used, Airbnb charges their service fee, regardless.

[Steve823]

Thanks again @Sarah977, I will dig deeeper as is required with most everything one looks for on AirBnB to find the appropriate spot to post the aprropriate conversation. For now, it would be nice to hear back from AirBnB.  

[Susan151]

@Steve823 . AirBNB will not respond to you as a result of a post on the community forum. If you want to reach them, you will have to use twitter, email, or the telephone.

This community is not a conversation with AirBNB.

[Steve823]

@Susan0Thank you for your insite. glad to see my post is getting read. I have emailed AirBnB. Really, you think they answer TWEETS more efficiently than emails?

[Sarah977]

@Steve823  Reports on this forum is that yes, they do. Partly because it's public, so they like to be seen to be responsive, and hosts have said they seem to have a more informed and responsive support crew on Twitter.

 I think it's absurd that we should have to join a social media site to get on-point responses from a company we pay a service fee to and bring guest fees into their coffers.

[Steve823]

I have just sent this, my 3rd or 4th email in the last 6+- weeks. no response to previous emails I also share this here. I look forward to any feed back.

I have sent several e-mails to AIR BnB through your website over the last month with NO RESPONSE TO ANY OF THEM??????????????

Concerns;

*Bed Bugs! Do you offer Insurance for this ever growing issue? This is an expensive problem to resolve should it happen!

*Unable to locate carbon copy information from one listing to the next! I am unable to locate "LAST MINUTE BOOKING DISCOUNT" tab in ALL LISTINGS at this time! I have searched and searched.

*SECURITY; When several unrelated individual ADULTS book with ONE of the individual names/accounts there is know way to know the level of security and or who the other adults actually are! This is of concern! There should be a *REQUIRED FIELD for ALL ADULTS OVER 18 THAT WILL BE ARRIVING/RESIDING IN ANOTHER PERSONS HOME. I have had TWO situations where an individual BOOKED the reservation then showed up with another adult. BOOKING FIELDS SHOULD INCLUDE A "REQUIRED" FIELD FOR #OF PEOPLE TRAVELING/RESIDING IN A PROPERTY.  

*​AIR BnB TAKES AWAY UNUSED CREDITS OVER TIME IF UNABLE TO USE! CREDITS SHOULD BE USED LIKE CASH ANY TIME PERHAPS LIMITING THE AMOUNT THAT CAN BE USED IN EACH BOOKING. TO DATE I HAVE HAD CREDITS AMOUNTING OVER $200 EVAPORATE DUE TO THE FACT THAT I WAS UNABLE TO USE BY A CERTAIN DATE. WHERE DO THESE PROFITS GO? INTO CORPORATE PROFITS? IT SEEMS EXTREMELY SHORT SIGHTED THAT THESE CASH CREDITS SIMPLY GO AWAY. INDIAN GIVING COMES TO MIND. THINK ABOUT IT. THESE CREDITS WERE GIVEN FOR A REASON!

Steve Gibson

note; 

note; as previous correspondance was sent through the AirBnB web site (one has to DIG DEEP to locate this platform) I have located these e-mail addresses online and sent separately as well, unfortunately but not supprised;

"Delivery has failed to these recipients or groups:"

urgent@airbnb.com,  support@airbnb.com

[Huma0]

@Steve823 

Sorry to hear you are having these problems, but this is a community forum where members (hosts and guests) discuss different subjects. It is not the way to contact Airbnb about complaints, questions or concerns because they are not going to reply to you here.

If I was you, I would call them as I find it gets a much quicker result than sending emails. I have also heard that contacting them via Twitter is effective, although I have never tried this myself.

I hope that you get your problems sorted.

[Steve823]

Thank you Huma in London for your opinion. I have posted here as topic for discussion as AirBnB has been none responsive to emails as forwarded. If this is a general concern then public forum may be a way to purswade Air BnB to change the way that they communicate with US, Their Partners. Open for discussion as posted. 

[Alexandra316]

@Huma0 It seems perfectly fair and reasonable to me. If you charge extra for extra people, you should get paid, no matter if they're there for the whole reservation or just a part of it. I also think it's reasonable to want to know who is in your home at any given time. I would hope that no guest would be bothered by that.

[Huma0]

@Alexandra316 

Thank you. Let's see how it goes. I asked the guest to let me know if she agreed to all that and she responded quickly saying that she appreciated my concerns about safety and would provide all the info for her friend, make sure I got to meet him first etc. etc. She didn't say anything about the extra charge though.

It would make things a lot easier if it was possible to add an extra person to an Airbnb booking for part of the stay, not just all of it. Apart from the situation I'm referring to here, I often have guests who book a stay for one person but have a friend joining them for part of their stay. I can't see any way to add that extra person for just part of the stay and not all of it.