How to make a guest book somewhere else!

[Robin4]

This is actually a follow up to another post I made just recently about dealing with guests you would really rather not deal with.

I have said here before I don't like hagglers, guests with lots of questions.

On Monday this week I got this pre-approval request from what I would describe as my epitomy of how not to approach me and ask/request a reservation if you are a guest . 

I sat on it for a few hours, logic should tell me to just say it may be better to book somewhere else. But you just never know, they might have IB,ed me anyway.

I even wrote a draft which I posted here of what I would like to have said.

Well I decided to take the bull by the horns and have a bit of fun with this request. You might think I am a calous sh*t  but in reality, you are all behind me! None of you would want to accept a request from  an enquirer like this.

So I took great delight in sending this........and quick as a flash the message came back.....'Not Possible'....brilliant, misssion accomplished! 

There are times when Airbnb can be a lot of fun!

Cheers......Rob

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Robin4 

Thats guests for you.

After reciting my House Rules verbatim to questions from a guest during a phone call they then asked can they have fireworks and chinese lanterns? I said no, and they replied 'Thats OK I don't think we were going to have them anyway" 

Arghhhhhh !!

[Robin4]

@Ian-And-Anne-Marie0 

Ian.....mate you have to learn, there is a point where you say in that initial request....."fu*k off, I don't want to host you!" You need to get across to them that....... snow season did not come this year and the 'race line' on that slope is a bed of rocks....definitely not worth booking, no matter how well worn your 'rock hoppers' are!!

Ian, I understand that there is no way that you can make your property look undesirable.....it's a fabulous listing. But if someone wants to come at you with a heap of questions you need to mention, how bad the mosquitos are this summer.....how the noise of that quarry blasting over the hill can come as something of a shock to those who are not expecting it.....how the creek that your access road has to cross floods often with the thunderstorms you have at this time of year.....and you would hate to see your guests stranded because of lack of access.

Ian, the scenarios are endless.....but you're a smart guy I am sure you could work a few of these in for that undesirable request!

Cheers......Rob

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Robin4 

there is a point where you say in that initial request....."fu*k off, I don't want to host you!" 

There you go! Straight talking - you're taking a leaf out of my book now !

These are that group of 7 Airbnb virgins I mentioned.. already booked. One went up a hill in Wales at weekend, he's now Chris Bonnington and wanting to scale the biggest hills in The Lake District where we are, dragging the rest behind him, and the conversation was not with the booking guest but one of his other guests. I expect at least another 5 might call for the same information...

By the time they've finished staying at our place they will be the most trained Airbnb guests around and all future hosts will have them all pre-registered on their itinerary without even asking 🙂

They'll be fine, if I can last out.

[Robin4]

@Ian-And-Anne-Marie0 

Are there any 'big hills' in the Lakes district?  I got roped into visiting the Steamboat museum on lake Windamere and it was fantastic but I can't say big hills featured in our time in that beautiful countryside.

I am, sure you will sort this out in exemplary fashion.....but Ian, I glad it's you that is sorting it out and not me!

Cheers......Rob

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Robin4 

Theres 3 hills at about 950m - not mountains but a good stretch. Scafell Pike, Hellvelyn and Skiddaw.

They've rebuilt the Windermere Steamboat museum, fascinating.. and theres a great working steamboat on Coniston which despite its age is a fabulously smooth and luxurious ride without the 'boom,boom,boom' of a diesel.

Scafell Pike is above Wast Water and has less visitors due to its remoteness, but its a beautiful area.

Wast Water with Scafell Pike (?) in background

[Thomas1033]

@Robin4  I do believe you may have missed a response I made to someone else’s post about an inquiry we received off of a free advertising site .  Our listing is for max 5 breathing bodies and that’s it.  The request was for 7 breathing bodies and to justify the “overage” the requester stated that they were all short with the tallest being 5’5” so they would not have a problem fitting in the apartment.  There were so many humorous ways I could have answered but I merely stated the truth and that we were already booked for their dates.  I know I should have asked for girth measurements at least and I’m sure I missed the once in a lifetime opportunity to do so!  Yvonna (cohost, usually sarcastic)

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Thomas1033 

Not enough air for 7 - they'd die !

[Tueykay0]

@Robin4 

LOL...ROFLAO...

I will consult with you first when I have too many questions.

[Angie321]

This could be my all-time favorite post on any baord!

[TonyandEstelle0]

OMG, I Just meet the same situation. the guest did not even change one word....

Hi Sofie, 

We are looking to possibly stay at your place (sorry for being at the last minute) and I just had a few questions that I hope you can help with. 

1. Can you tell me the maker of the TV, air conditioners and microwave? (We have had problems with these appliances at past AirBNBs and just like to check before booking.) 
2. Is the washing machine for the exclusive use of guests? Or is it shared? Also, do you provide laundry detergent for it? 
3. Do you have a self-check-in system? We may arrive a bit late tonight. 

Kindest regards, 
Chan

Jul 02, 2:20pm

[Robin4]

@TonyandEstelle0 

That is the same guest!

I did not think it was appropriate to specifically name publicly a guest from a private message stream, so I did take the liberty of altering the name to retain some sort of annonymity. 

But as you have let the cat out of the bag, that was the guest and yes the name you have given matches the name of the request I got!

Cheers......Rob

[Kelly149]

@tony&estelle1      @Robin4 

its a dream come true!!!

please in two weeks time we really must know if there is a new review on this profile, the dear poor unsuspecting host who may have this chap in residence right this moment!!!

I really do hope that the AC meets their standards 🙂

and wait a minute, I don't know a thing about Australia, but are your two listings 14 hours apart?? If so, this fellow is wreaking havoc all over the place!

[TonyandEstelle0]

@Kelly149 @Robin4 

We are in NSW and I think Robin is in Western Australia...Crossing the entire country LOL

[Robin4]

@TonyandEstelle0 

I am actually in South Australia in the Adelaide Hills, but my listing has been confused with the Mt Barker in Western Australia at times.

Tony, did you accept this reservation? 

Cheers.......Rob

[TonyandEstelle0]

@Robin4 No, the guest asked me to keep the rooms for them and they will book it asap....... But they did not book it 😞