Issues with current guest, bringing different men and staying overnight

[Tahirah0]

Have any of you had such issues? We rent out or garden level one bedroom studio downstairs which has a separate entrance, we live upstairs with our little boy and two pets. My husband travels a lot so usually just me and my son at home. Current guest have great reviews from past stays so we accepted her booking to stay for a month. She's a transgender going through her last transition so I'm trying to be as understanding and empathetic as possible. 

My main concern is that she had been bringing different random men a few times at night, the first time close to midnight, I usually check our security cameras outside before bed to make sure everything is OK, and saw a guy without his shirt on when it was snowing outside, in a hurry to run away, so I got extremely worried about her safety, I messaged her but she's not very good at replying back, I went outside to check on her and saw her on the couch on her phone so, I went to bed after knowing she was fine. I messaged her the next day about not bringing random men back for her safety and ours, it is a family home after all and not a hotel. 

And she still brings home different men. Last night she went out and brought back a guy and he's still down there with her, we have a rule where the guest must let us know about overnight extra guest staying. 

Apart from that, she has been leaving trash around the space, I offer space refresh for long term guests with no extra charge, change of sheets, bathroom refresh and vacuum and take trash out but picking up trash and dirty napkins on the floor is not part of the deal. 

I was hoping to have a report section to Air bnb but it doesn't seem to have such service. 

We've never had issues before with guests, although I find VRBO guests to be much more mature and respectful compare to Air Bnb guests who are at times much younger and do not seem to have some common decency.

We travel a lot and we are guests through both Air Bnb and Vrbo, we would always keep everything clean and as spotless as possible before checking out, just basic courtesy for us. 

Am being over bearing for not liking the way she treats our space? What would be the best way to handle it? She has another week so not long to go. Thanks for all your input.

[Colleen253]

@Tahirah0  You've communicated your expectations with this guest, and she is defying you. This is your house and you have every right to have her removed if you have concerns over the safety and security of your home and family. Call Airbnb and get the ball rolling on terminating her stay, based on the fact that you feel extremely uncomfortable with her behavior. Unless you want this to continue. If she didn't listen the first time, what makes you think things will improve?

Having said that, something stands out. You say both:

"I messaged her the next day about not bringing random men back" and "we have a rule where the guest must let us know about overnight extra guest staying". 

That is contradicting and a tad confusing. How/where is this rule communicated? Your listing also is for two guests, and it looks like no extra guest fees. You might beef up your house policies for clarity. This will also help back you up if this ever happens again, and you need help getting a guest to smarten up, or getting them out. Be specific that registered guests ONLY, are allowed on the property at any time, otherwise you're opening the door for this kind of behavior.

[Tahirah0]

Hi Colleen,

That is true we do allow two guests with no extra fees, but must first inform us prior to the stay, not random men picked up from bars or an app. We don't mind if it's family or a partner. you're right we should be extremely clear, I guess us being decent people, just thought that others would be too. But I suppose common decency for us might not be the same for others. Thank you so much for taking your time to write. We'll definitely take heed on our guest policy. Thanks again.

[Sarah977]

@Tahirah0  That this guest is going through transgender transitioning is entirely irrelevant. She is ignoring your rules and your messages- she is being completely disrespectful, both in inviting other strangers into your home and treating the space like a garbage dump. This is not something to be understanding and empathetic about- her medical procedures and her disrespect are unrelated.

As @Colleen253 said, you need to take control of the situation. Having a constant parade of unknown men coming and going is a security issue for you and your child. Read her the riot act and if she doesn't comply, I'd tell her she needs to leave.

[Tahirah0]

Thank you for advice Sarah, really appreciate it. My husband will have a chat with her, I would like for guests to feel as much at home as possible but we all must have boundaries. It just takes the joy out of hosting when it's not a great match. Thanks again for taking time to write 🙂

[Rowena29]

Hi @Tahirah0 

Just a heads up - if you are replying to someone on these boards it's helpful to "tag" them - by using the @   symbol - then a drop down bar should appear and you can select their name - then they will get an alert to see you have replied.

I coudlnt' agree more with @Sarah977 and @Colleen253 .  I agree the transgender thing is absolutely irrelevant, but in this day of PC if things were to turn nasty, I can very much see the possibility of her crying discrimination and you begin thrown under the bus by CS. 

Firstly I would beef up your house rules to say something like "The number of guests booked for is the MAXIMUM number of guests allowed. If you booked for 1 guest, only 1 guest may enter the property. Visitors must be arranged with PRIOR negotiation. This is an INSURANCE REQUIREMENT. Guests who are not able to comply will have their booking cancelled"   ( It doesn't matter if it's not an insurance requirement neither the guest not airbnb know that and it makes the insurer the bad guy not you.  Guests are far less likely to argue with an insurance policy)  You need to be really firm in the wording IMO.  This puts you on very firm ground when there is a problem.  You have scope to be more flexible if you choose. It's much easier to come across as strict and then lighten up, than look free and easy and then start being strict

Before I approached her I would be very inclined to ring Cs first and put in your side  of the story first.   I'd really stress it's the fact that she is bringing STRANGERS / UNINVITED GUESTS into the home which is making you feel UNSAFE  in your own home. ( they are the buzz words to employ)     You might also want to mention that you are really worried that because of the transgender issue she is going to cry discrimination. Get in first.

THEN approach your guest

That's how I'd handle it, but just my opinion

good luck and let us know how you go