Long Term Guest Never Leaves House

[Linda476]

I have a long-term guest for one month.  He has been here one week so far.  I was told he was here for a teaching job.  Once he arrived he indicated he didn't have it yet.  He hasn't gone to the school because he "can't" without his vaccine.  He told me before coming here, he had an appointment to get one.  Now, he says he doesn't and hasn't ever even driven by the school yet, which is less than 2 miles from here.

HE NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE mostly.  In 8 days he has gone out 3 times for less than an hour for more food.  He mostly stays in his room.  He meditates and chants very loudly for long periods of time at least twice a day.  His room is adjacent to another guest room.  

I'm worried about his extreme introverted nature and holing up in this house.  I only take working guests for 3 weeks to 3 months, for years now.  He seems to be COVID paranoid.  He wears a handkerchief mask, which is ineffective.  

My other guest is a physician and thankfully working long hours.  The doc won't wear a mask and I hope never has to endure the chanting.  

I'm sick of this guy camping out here 24 x 7.  Any constructive ideas of what to do.  I'd like to move him along, but obviously can't cancel without pumishment from Airbnb.

[Linda476]

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**Not necessarily.  I've moved people on before.  It's not that hard.  Usually once they realize this isn't a good fit, they don't want to be here.  Most people want to work things out cordially and are not going to fabricate a story of religious discrimination, which is what that is.  Numerous times, I've said the meditation isn't the issue. **

Facts:  he misrepresented himself and is not doing what he said.  It is a bit frustrating that you don't want to go there....not enough drama in this simple point?  I don't need to make excuses that he is a homebody or  feels murky or make up that he maybe misunderstood.  Those are not facts I can deal with.  I heard a couple people mention issues with LTR; define "many"?  Another fact: I didn't really get into this for the money. I never mentioned money and that is the first I've even thought about it in this situation....another story made up.  

I don't deal in conspiracy theories much.  Airbnb does not find accommodations for guests. Guests can find his own.  When anyone leaves I wish them well and on their way to many blessing in their lives.  And, everyone leaves, just as everyone arrives. 

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**[Inappropriate comment removed in line with the Community Center Guidelines] - Please remember to remain respectful towards members in the community 

[Linda476]

In addition, I have not heard one person say they have had such a guest that simply doesn't leave the house.  Everyone has something to do "out there", even if just a walk or drive during COVID.  I've never stayed at an Airbnb or anywhere and not had anything I wanted to do "out there".   When was the last time you went to check out a job and stayed a month in an area you've never been to before, but did not have an interview even scheduled?  

I submitted this because this is unusual.  And, in the end, it seems confirmed this is unusual.  Now "unusual" is an opinion and I have no hard research data. But I'm going with it.  🙂

Maybe agoraphobia.  [OK, caught me....making up stories!} 😉

[Sarah977]

@Linda476 I haven't personally had guests who never leave the house- I live in a touristy beach town, so guests are out and about a good deal of the time. Sometimes they'll have enough of the sun and sand and a crowded downtown, and spend a day in their rooms or on the balcony reading, writing, doing artwork, etc., but they don't hide themselves away all day (which I would find uncomfortable)- they come down and use the kitchen, sit in the garden, make friendly conversation, etc.

But I have read other posts from hosts upset about similar "Guest never leaves the house" stories. It's not that unusual of a situation.

It seems to me that the main issue with this guest is that he misrepresented his intentions, as the loud chanting issue is just a matter of telling him to quiet it down.

[Linda476]

Sarah, thank you.  You have summarized it accurately.  I don't venture on the community so much and prefer not to hear these stories.  I have a screening process and skipped a step. It did sound like he had a job here.  

It does feel like he is hiding, and hard to see someone so completely introverted as he seems to be.  He definitely has strong fears about COVID and his information isn't completely accurate.  

I will sleep on it another night or two and approach him from the Airbnb messaging system so it is documented.  As much as anything I feel a little responsible to "kick" him out into the real world.  Those are my "mothering" instincts vs coddling his emotions. But back to Airbnb. That is what is happening here. I did not post "ashram" on the doorway.

[Sarah977]

@Linda476  You might be surprised how many people are on the autism spectrum. What could appear to be agrophobia or creepiness may be something like Aspergers- they literally do not have social skills, can't read other people or understand what is appropriate behavior. It's possible that a guest like this is on the spectrum.

They are often quite bright and gravitate towards jobs like software programming where they can work alone and don't need to interact with other people.

It would seem odd that a guest like this would book a home-share, but they do. Because they often don't even realize that their behavior is disturbing to others unless they are told.

[Linda476]

Hi, I raised an aspie (step son).  I'm not sure this is the case here....maybe.  Introversion can be just that.  I also sense this guy would love to live in an ashram and meditate constantly.  He does not have an outward focus at all. Socially, he is pretty acceptable and responsive....but the holing up in the house is not in that category.  

I'm pretty sure I had a 60 something aspie here last fall....issues with body space, hearing and responding to feedback. I'm guessing he was never diagnosed.  

[Laura2592]

@Linda476 wow Linda, I really am taken aback. I am just trying to be helpful. People report hosts for all kinds of spurious reasons.  Anticipate that this is possible and plan accordingly. You won't be surprised when it happens and we won't see another angry thread about an outraged host when the guest claimed discrimination.  

Sorry but you don't seem to be open to any of the ideas or solutions provided here. Best of luck to you. I don't allow long term stays myself so don't know that I could accommodate your guest. You seem to have your mind made up about how to handle this so I am sure it will all work out.

[Linda476]

Your philosophy is different from mine. I'm not controlled by fear.  I do want to treat guests respectfully and give them a good experience, but the good experience needs to go both ways.  I can't imagine sitting around anticipating guest complaints, or planning for them.  Maybe it's just your communication style..it leans to worst case scenarios, and creating problems that are not there.  I'd rather focus on repeating the many many positive reviews and what I did right in all those cases. I enjoy meeting my guest needs, in the niche I operate in.

I've been open to a number of ideas, but true....less to yours because they don't address the core issue but all sorts of things that aren't real or might happen.  I'd rather deal in facts and the real issue, not make up baseless stories about religious discrimination.  I also believe in giving guests wake up calls when they operate in unrealistic scenarios, because if no one does, how do they adjust.

I agree with Sarah that my guest may be operating with some other things going on.  It is apparent his version of normal isn't the same as mine, and his self awareness may be on the low side.  The world may be overwhelming for him and he found a (too) comfortable place to duck into.  That is a story that fits for what I'm seeing., but still an unfounded story.  

I apologize if I'm more black and white than you.  So much is extraneous stuff suggested that I can't do anything about.  I'm not discriminating against his religion....that is nonsense. 

[Laura2592]

@Linda476best of luck to you. This is obviously very upsetting. I am going to move on from this thread because you have gotten a lot of good advice but still seem to want to prove your point. I don't disagree that you have run across a guest who is not a fit. It happens to all of us. I do think that the approach you take will determine how the rest of the interaction goes.  I can't imagine it feels good to keep thinking about having a stranger you are uncomfortable with in your home  for a long period of time and that is likely coloring how you are coming across here. The forum can be a good place to vent, but remember that other hosts may have more or different experiences and learned the hard way from taking certain action. No need to respond to me. Bowing out and moving on.

[Linda476]

**[Inappropriate comment removed in line with the Community Center Guidelines] - Please remember to remain respectful towards members in the community 

[Colleen253]

@Linda476 You posted asking for input. No need to be rude to someone who kindly, not rudely, offered their thoughts. @Laura2592 has a point about treading carefully re mentioning the guest's chanting in a religious context. The guest could easily take offence, scream discrimination (or anything really) to Airbnb, and bam, your listing is shut down while Airbnb Trust and Safety does their infamous 'investigation'. It's literally just that easy. Your OP asked for ideas, but your responses to those who offered thoughts has been mostly combative or dismissive. If you've got it under control, why not just move on with it?

[Linda476]

Look, you also are entitled to your opinions., and I am too. There really isn't reason for you to be rude either, or take sides .  It is irritating to state a clear issue and then hear all these drama stories created. The sky could fall too.  It hasn't yet. And, tomorrow it could.  I cannot worry about that, plan for that, prepare for that.  When it happens I'll deal with it, if it happens and I'm still alive to tell about it. 

I'm sorry I mentioned the chanting.  Since then I've tried and tried and tried to focus on the issue....that he won't leave the house. It really feels this just isn't juicy enough for some. I am a bit adverse to drama; it is apparently very enticing for some. I have had personal experiences where this fabrication of drama can go very awry. 

What is it about his chanting that creates this laser focus on it.... really just rhetorical. Please do not answer that. Religion just isn't that sexy.  

I'm not going to start fearing Airbnb either. I have pushed Airbnb on a few things now and again.  I screen beyond anything Airbnb does and have been transparent about that.  I will take ownership of part of the current situation because I let a couple comments slip because I was busy and didn't dig deeper.  

[Colleen253]

@Linda476  "I am a bit adverse to drama."

Could have fooled me. Giving up on this thread. I'm out too. Best of luck to you.

[Linda476]

**[Inappropriate comment removed in line with the Community Center Guidelines]

[Michael6420]

All of the replies to your posts have annoyed me as well. I agree with everything you say and just thought I'd chime in and say I feel you (even though your incident was over a year ago). I'm going through this now and I'm literally counting the hours until this woman checks out and I get my normal routine back.