My first negative experience - Communication

[Michelle140]

This is my 9th guest coming tonight (it's 9:40pm), and it's the first time I've felt some dread. She's booked my room (not the whole house) for a lengthy 33 days, which is a long time to be stuck with a housemate you don't get along with. I don't think she knows what airbnb is supposed to be.

Her first message indicated that she preferred to be left alone unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire (literally said that). I tried to ask her this afternoon around when she expected to check-in and all she said was it could be anywhere from 6pm to 6am. I responded to keep me updated, as communication is a part of airbnb. I have not heard anything, and like I said, it's now almost 10pm, and I have ZERO clue what time she will be arriving.

I just don't feel right about the whole thing. Part of me just wants to get things started and if she wants zero interaction with me, then all the easier that money is to make, but at the same time, this is not why I started on airbnb.

I don't mind some (short term) guests being zero interaction, but I enjoy sharing stories and meeting people from all over, and over a month sharing my home with an enigma of a person doesn't sound like fun. Sigh. At this point, if nothing else, I think I'm going to write my first negative review =(

Is there any advice? I'm afraid to confront her, in fear of retaliation while I'm not at the house, but I'm not happy...

[Andrea9]

@Michelle140

Hope you're enjoying your home again 🙂

Just saw a post this morning about a host who thought she had today, the 14th day to post her review, but in the morning saw that Airbnb had cut it off.

So, careful timing it TOO close.

Your hot fanclub here would be so very disappointed if your review didn't get out for us to read too haha!

[Michelle140]

@Dee9, this was way more than just "don't want to interact." I am fine with those types of guests and have had some interspersed with more interactive guests. But yes, I do expect a friendly hello in passing even from the non-interactive guests, and a smile is a plus. I am inviting a stranger into my home and really a smile and hello are all you need sometimes to feel comfortable with this loss of privacy and security in your personal home.

"If you got into this to mingle with people, and not to make money, then maybe you should seek socialization elsewhere, just saying." I would be more inclined to say the opposite, as Airbnb is very much about community and meeting new people from all over and all walks of life, but in reality, there are so many different kinds of listings that this is really a place for people looking for a variety of things (and guests should - and often do - pick their host in accordance with what they are looking for). I started my listing as a way to make some side cash, but very quickly realized how much fun it was to meet all sorts of different people. So my purpose evolved as my experience built. Given that, I would definitely NOT say that this isn't the place for what I'm looking for, since I'm looking for it BECAUSE I experienced it =P

"also, you were already decided that you were going to leave her a bad review before she even got to your house!!" A review is to reflect the WHOLE experience with the guest, which includes communication beforehand and arrival. If her arrival, was, well, nonexistant, that should be reflected in the review. Obviously, if she arrived and apologized for the miscommunication and seemed understanding of the situation, that would affect my review, but she was not, and she didn't even show up without letting me know she wasn't coming, so yes, I already planned on reporting that before she even got there.

She left last Friday, and I've already invited a more typical guest back into my home yesterday, and enjoyed an evening out on the deck talking about the world. I don't force these people to come to my home and talk to me, so again, why should I seek socialization elsewhere? My guests seem to enjoy what I am offering...

[Michelle140]

@Andrea9, I plan on posting the review on the 1st, the day before expiration, so hopefully I should be safe. Anyone on here thinking about it the morning of the 1st is welcome to post a comment as a reminder 😉 ha.

[Eileen4]

"This guest and I were a bad fit. Her introspection made me uncomfortable. She's better suited to 'entire home' listings."

That's all you have to say. Saying more, of the kind of things you're saying about her, just makes you sound a bit neurotic. Some hosts love "hands off" guests. 

[Michelle140]

@Eileen4, Everyone has an opinion. I wished the other reviewer who had issues with her had been more detailed (she just said the woman would avoid them and was very hard to communicate with; I thought I was ok with that, because I am fine with less interactive guests). I under estimated the problems she had because of the simplicity of her review. I would like to help others like me make the right decision for them. People who don't care can just ignore my review and approve her. What really is the harm in explaining why I was uncomfortable? The more information hosts have, the better they can make a decision as to whether this person would be a good fit in their home. Also, I don't know which version you are reading, as I have cut down and elimintated a lot of what I had originally wrote. But still, I am writing 95% of what I would want someone else to write for me to be able to read. Do unto others... There is the other 5% that I would really want to know if I were looking into hosting her, but I decided I wasn't comfortable with writing those details in a public review.

I know some people on here can't figure out what my deal is, but I am a "strange" person myself, and also a very understanding and empathetic person in general, but despite that, I send this guest along with very STRONG warnings. She is not for most hosts. There are always exceptions, but really, this is no joke. If I detail my issues, the right hosts will ignore it. Hosts would probably be fine if they typically don't really see their guests much anyway or live in a separate residence or area of the house entirely. But a lot of shared space listings involve at least some semblance of interaction.

Anyway, like I said, I don't see the harm in explaining myself to help other hosts avoid what I went through. If it wouldn't be a problem for them, they can just ignore the "neurotic" negative review, approve her, and move on with their lives. Hopefully they will not discover they made a mistake in ignoring my review like I did with the other negative review.

[Dee9]

@Eileen0I absolutely love your answer. Yes some host & guests are not in this to meet people and prefer a "hand off" approach. Well said. I was just saying if a host is looking for friends then they really need to screen the person for that type of personality, and vice versa. Myself as a guest I don't want to "hang out" with my landlord. And myself as a host my ad makes it clear "my place is best suited for a simple stay for people who have plans/activities while they are in the area". I feel the lady who wanted privacy didn't do anything wrong it's just they weren't a good fit, as you said. (unless she DID do something wrong that's not stated here. That's a diff story) I do know a host who cooks & entertains for her guests and they seem to love it! BUT you can tell from her ad she's gonna be interactive so she attracts those kinds of people. Hopefully what I was trying to say is clearer now.

[Michelle140]

@Dee9, I understand that this thread has gotten VERY long, but I think you are missing quite a bit, lol.

While there are some hosts who may not care, I still say that it is WRONG of a guest to refuse to give an estimated time of arrival and then decide not to even show up and not notify their host. This person is inviting them into their home, and I wouldn't just not show up at my friend's house any less than I would not show up at a stranger's house who has invited me in just the same.

This goes beyond just anti-social behavior. And is it really too much to ask for a guest to even just say hi if we run into each other in the house? I accomodate all different kinds of guests (or so I thought), and even though I really enjoy the interactive guests, I am fine with in and out guests as well. My behavior reflects the guest's needs. Even with this guest, if I wasn't in the house when she came home, I stayed outside, because she doesn't even like anyone to see her, so I left her alone.

Nevertheless, the lack of any sort of friendly rapport in passing made me uncomfortable. I invite people into my home. I need to trust that person to not steal, damage anything, hurt my animals, stay out of my personal bedroom, etc. I can't develop any sort of positive feeling about the person if they can't even look me in the eye and say hey to me or anything else for that matter. This is something I admit that some hosts might not care about, which is why I don't see the harm in saying it in a review. The people like me will click no, and the people who don't care will ignore my review and click yes =P

In response to your other later comments below... She has difficulty communicating, so often comes across rude in online communication, which is one reason why I thought autism spectrum. My stating what she said on here made a lot of people think she was just an entitled snooty b*tch with how she came across. I know that's not it and she just can't communicate. Whether it's intentional or not though, it doesn't make for a pleasant hosting experience, which again I feel is ok to honestly explain in a review.

FYI, that house rule you liked was one I added inspired by her stay and behavior, lol. She ran the bathroom sink CONSTANTLY. I think so I couldn't hear anything in there. She even left it running while she ran to the kitchen real quick. Sink on full blast every second she was in the bathroom. And she left the floor fan running in her room as well.

Other rules added because of her:

-Put dirty dishes in kitchen sink, don't use the bathroom sink (she avoided any interaction to the point where she was using her bathroom to wash dishes)
-House door is to be kept locked at night and when left empty (she left early in the morning with me still sleeping and left the door unlocked)

-This is not an anonymous hotel, let me know if you will not be returning (or arriving) for the night (see above, deciding not to even come and not updating me on her plans)

-My house is warm in the summer (~78) and cool in the winter (~68); there is a tower fan in the room and I run the AC enough to keep the humidity down; discuss with me ahead of time if this may be a problem (she took it upon herself to lower the HOUSE thermostat eight degrees without discussing with me; she said she's paying for everything - no, that's not how this works, if you want cheap, you don't get free reign of the house thermostat)

[Dee9]

Lastly, I'll admit I must be confused or missing something. What I got out of this thread is youre going to give her a bad review because shes anti-social. If thats the case, thats not fair because there are no sides to take. No one is right no one is wrong, it just wasnt a good fit.

However if she did something wrong (broke house rules, was rude to you, left her areas unclean, broke the contract,etc) then by all means I agree you should make public a bad review.

Ive had guests who have barely said 2 words to me and Im fine with that. Ive had guests who want to gab gab gab and although thats not really my cup of tea, Im always polite and conversate and friendly because theres no reason I shouldnt be.

Although now my ad is pretty clear what/who my room rental is best suited for. I also get an idea when we are emailing if they will be spending alot of time in my house.

And when I am a guest its really not MYY thing to hang out with my landlords. Im also able to tell quickly thru email if thats going to be the case or not.

Im not taking sides here cuz really there are no sides to take, unless she did something truly wrong that Im missing. The end.

[Dee9]

P.S. I saw your ad and you have great reviews so for the most part, you ARE attracting people that wanna hang out with you. I guess this "bad egg" just must have slipped thru the cracks during your pre-booking communications.

(and I liked one of your house rules so much that I stole it! "Please be respectful of water & energy consumption" Thanks!)

[Vanessa77]

This  thread has me addicted haha. I keep coming back every day to check for updates lol. My life is boring. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!!

[Sandra126]

@Vanessa77, life as an Airbnb host is never boring! As seen by this excellent and entertaining thread...

[Michelle140]

Well, the update is that I got a request from her through the airbnb conflict resolution center that she wants more money back. The problem is that she booked a month and got the monthly discount, but when it switched to just 18 days, she's just getting the weekly discount. Her message was very confusing, so it seems she's also complaining that her refund hasn't gone through yet, so I'm holding off on offering more money and told her that if she has not received a refund yet that she needs to go through Airbnb as the refund has already been processed out of my personal account. I also forwarded the message received to the airbnb service person who has been helping me through all of this...

[Dee9]

i dont know why you gave any refund at all on someone who left in the middle of a stay.

[Michelle140]

@Dee9, anyone can cancel a stay early and they will get refunded for days beyond your cancellation policy period.

[Michelle140]

Well, the review period is over. I got off lucky, no review from her. My review is now viewable on her profile. So hopefully at this point, the situation is completely over?...