@Nicki54 I'm a host and have never been a guest. I absolutely agree with you on all points. What you say you do before leaving would be fine with me. I totally understand if guests are in a rush to check-out on time, especially if they have children to dress and feed and need to get on the road or catch a plane, that there might be a few breakfast dishes left in the sink. As opposed to a breakfast table full of dirty dishes and food with jam smeared all over, filthy countertops, stovetop swimming in grease. I think a host has reason to be offended by that type of mess.
But guests who don't trash a place and clean up their personal messes and don't cause damage shouldn't be marked down or given a bad review because they left a days worth of trash in the bin or few dirty coffee cups unless it is stated in the listing desciption that the host expects more. Most responsible adults understand what cleaning up after yourself means. If a host expects guests to take every bit of garbage out to dumpster, strip the beds, gather up all the towels and start a load of wash, that should be made very clear, so the guest can decide if they want to book the place with those requirements or not.
My son-in-law travels a lot on business- he's not a messy guy, my daughter has him well-trained 🙂 Not someone who leaves his wet towels wadded up on the floor, or a pile of dirty dishes and take-out containers lying around. He uses Airbnbs a lot. He told me he resents being expected to strip the bed, start the wash, take the trash out to the dumpster- he's only stayed one night, paid a cleaning fee and has meetings to go to, planes to catch, etc.
I'm sorry you encountered a host who expects things from guests that she doesn't state up front- she has no right to give you a bad review if she doesn't make her expectations clear before a guest books, and doesn't even have that info in a house manual.
However, $40 isn't a huge cleaning fee for an entire place if you are paying your cleaner a living wage. At this point, I just rent a private room/bath for 1 guest in my home, they share my kitchen with me. It takes me about an hour and a half to clean the guest space each time- I'm into making sure every nook and cranny is immaculate. Then there's the laundry to do. So if hosts or their cleaners are only charging $40 cleaning fee for an entire place that sleeps a family or several guests, I think they should either raise the cleaning fee, raise the base price of the rental, or make it crystal clear to guests what they expect in terms of cleaning.