Picky, picky picky... How do you handle THOSE nitpicking and/or demanding guests?

[Huma0]

Oh, so here we go again. I had a guest check in yesterday evening and I already have a bad feeling. Okay, so she hasn't said or done anything major, but it's only a day since she arrived and, already:

1. Asked some questions, but ignored my questions and then instant booked anyway.

2. Wanted to check in at 1am. My check in is from 3-9pm.

3. Agreed to check in the next day, but was vague about the time and seemed surprised that I would want to know. I asked her in that case to give me an hour's notice, to which she agreed. Instead, she messaged me 15 minutes before arrival.

4. Didn't mention to me prior to booking that she has an allergy to cats. I have three of them and clearly state in my house rules to not book if you are allergic.

5. Making comments about how many stairs there are to her room (not only on the listing but reiterated to her in the message thread before she booked).

5. Asking if she could keep her toiletries in the bathroom, to which I said yes, but then she wanted to put them in my personal cupboard, to which I said no. Now she wants me to provide an 'attractive' basket for them.

6. Complained that the WiFi in her room doesn't work properly and has disrupted her work meeting. WiFi is working fine for everyone else, but I go up to check and there are five bars. All seems to be working fine, but I reboot anyway.

7. When asked if the room was warm enough, said yes, but later said the radiators weren't working properly. When I asked if it was okay to go check them, suddenly she says they are working now. I literally haven't adjusted anything so that makes no sense.

8. Questions about the door handle on her bedroom door. She is having trouble using it.

9. Asking for 'communal' food items that are neither specified on my listing, nor shown to guests on the check in tour, when they are clearly shown which things are there for their use and told not to help themselves to other food.

10. There was also some miscommunication RE her work set up, which I am not totally comfortable with.

So, this is all small stuff (I have probably forgotten something), but has all happened prior to or within 24 hours of the guests arrival and she is here for one month. Normally I would have asked the guest by this stage if everything is okay with their stay, but I hardly need to as she is quite happy to find ways to keep me on my toes.

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

By the way, when I responded to the guest that there was no 'communal butter', but I didn't mind her having a bit of mine, she said she didn't need it, but I could see she was not happy. I think it was the implication that I didn't mind her taking a bit of mine but that generally it was something she needed to buy for herself that she didn't like, i.e. she was expecting to help herself to it all the time.

Another guest who is currently staying was really helping herself to a lot of my stuff in the kitchen without asking. She just seemed to assume that anything she found in the cupboards was okay for her to use, despite my specific instructions upon check in, and to use in vast amounts. I had to resort to hiding it away, which is annoying.

I guess I could have just come straight out and said, "Sorry, but these things are not for guest use. Let me just remind you what is and isn't included. Again, please don't just help yourself to other stuff," but I find that guests can get really upset when you do that. It's not necessarily because they are annoyed that they have to buy their own food (although this also happens) but you have just embarrassed them for behaviour that they suddenly realise is kind of bad mannered. Awkward all round.

That's why I try to be clear from the outset, but unfortunately, some people just don't listen.

[Gillian166]

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@Huma0 wrote:

you have just embarrassed them for behaviour that they suddenly realise is kind of bad mannered. Awkward all round.

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@Huma0 Bingo. Who was it who said they got a bad review from a guest because basically they called him out for not reading the manual? And instead of acknowledging that fact, he got shirty about it. Is this the "everyone gets a trophy" repercussions? I also see it a lot online. People are just wrong, and when they get questioned (or corrected) instead of seeing they might be wrong, they double down, get huffy, and sometimes start name calling.  

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I think that was @Kelly149 .

A few months ago I hosted a lovely couple who were completely trashing my frying pans. At first, I assumed it was because they were not washing the food or grease off properly and it was getting more and cooked in (happens). Then, one evening while they were cooking, I noticed they had the gas turned on way to high and were not attending to the food/stirring it, so naturally the food at the bottom of the pan was getting burnt to smithereens.

I knew they were not used to cooking with gas. Electric stove tops are much more common where they come from. So, I very gently and politely revealed to them why I thought they were destroying the pans. Their expressions! They looked like I had literally just slapped them across the face. What can you do? People can be very sensitive and guests, especially.

Luckily, they got over it and even joked about it later, but I would say that almost every really bad experience I've had with guests has occurred because I brought them up on either damages or breaking house rules. Rather than just apologise when they know they are in the wrong, a lot of people just become defensive, hostile and accusatory. Hence the retaliatory reviews so many hosts live in fear of.

[Marie6762]

@Huma0 

@Gillian166 

Huma,  “I feel you” as a home-share host.  

I don’t offer kitchen access, however - except for stays of a week or more, and then only on a limited basis.   Guests store their own stuff in the dorm ‘fridge in their room- mostly just Millenial & younger seem to do this, and the older folks just use it for the milk or cream and bottled water I provide.  This nips the food-share in the bud.  But- it also encourages eating in the room, including take-out or leftovers.  Again, almost exclusively the twenty-something’s, despite our choice of nice and relatively private dining spaces, as well as a whole block of eateries. Amazingly, I have only dealt with one small spill on a sheet and, because we don’t have critter problems and all but one guest has been exceptionally clean and considerate (and not under foot!) I consider it a plus  for all. 

Regarding the current nit-picking.  You mentioned a former “needy” guest who started similarly and ended up loving your place and leaving a glowing 5-star review.  The same can happen here.  She’s anxious; this is her “nest” for a month and she’s in the feathering and fluffing stage.  I’ve had a couple prickly types and, to set the tone,  (1) proffered tea & cookies and smiles (knock on the door and hand it - not sit down & share it) followed by firm boundaries (or hiding) for a day or so.  Carrot and stick.  It worked with teenagers in the classroom, it can work with temperamental and/or demanding guests!  

To do the opposite - apologize, placate or use the tea & cookies to appease, of course, has the OPPOSITE effect.  “And that, children, is how Entitlement was  born” 😉

[Huma0]

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@Marie6762 wrote:

 She’s anxious; this is her “nest” for a month and she’s in the feathering and fluffing stage.  I’ve had a couple prickly types and, to set the tone,  (1) proffered tea & cookies and smiles (knock on the door and hand it - not sit down & share it) followed by firm boundaries (or hiding) for a day or so.  Carrot and stick.  It worked with teenagers in the classroom, it can work with temperamental and/or demanding guests!  

To do the opposite - apologize, placate or use the tea & cookies to appease, of course, has the OPPOSITE effect.  “And that, children, is how Entitlement was  born” 😉

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Yes, I think you have maybe hit the nail on the head. I have been out much of the day at meetings and the demands/complaints seem to have ceased... for now. Perhaps it's partly having that homestay host on hand in the property that encourages the constant demands but, when the guest has to disrupt your working day with messages, they think perhaps it can wait. Of course, if I am working from home, I am still working, so it's still a disruption, but I can see how it might just seem like I am just sitting around waiting to tend to them.

I get your point RE limited kitchen access, but I really do not want to encourage guests to eat in their rooms. In fact, it's against my house rules, which is one of the reasons I do not include mini fridges, coffee stations etc. in the bedrooms. My kitchen, which is reasonably large and well equipped, is a major draw for long term guests and I get that. I just don't know why some of them think that everything I buy for myself is also for their unlimited use.

[Gillian166]

@Marie6762 

We have one "home share" situation, although it's really only the kitchen, they have their own private dining, lounge, bedrooms and bathrooms. I have wondered if I should put a kitchenette down their end (certainly one of the oldies suggested it to me, so they didn't have to walk all the way to the kitchen) but I just don't want the extra food mess down that end of the house.  However the home share people are by far the most demanding and difficult so it's very tempting to find a way to keep them away. 😆. 

[Huma0]

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@Marie6762 wrote:

@Huma0 

@Gillian166 

She’s anxious; this is her “nest” for a month and she’s in the feathering and fluffing stage.  I’ve had a couple prickly types and, to set the tone,  (1) proffered tea & cookies and smiles (knock on the door and hand it - not sit down & share it) followed by firm boundaries (or hiding) for a day or so.  Carrot and stick.  It worked with teenagers in the classroom, it can work with temperamental and/or demanding guests!  

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I think you might have hit the nail on the head here. A couple of days have passed and things are a bit calmer. The guest hasn't complained about anything else, nor asked for additional things not included in the listing. I have literally not changed a thing, other than find her a basket to put store her toiletries in the bathroom, but she seems to be content. 

She hasn't complained about the WiFi again, but I do need to check this with her as she did spend a lot of time today working from the dining table rather than the desk in her room. This is a bit of an annoyance as that's where I work. Of course, I don't mind guests coming in and out to cook and eat (which they do frequently these days as people seem to not want to go out much) but having a guest sit opposite you for most of the day while you are trying to work is pretty distracting. I feel like I will need to add something about this to my house rules.

A couple of months ago I had a guest who decided to work from the living room (a communal space) all day, every day. He even rearranged my carefully my coffee table books to make a laptop stand without asking. No big deal I guess, but I thought a bit presumptuous.  I mean, the space is arranged to be aesthetically pleasing, but it's also a room for everyone to enjoy, so I am not sure why he thought he could take it over to become his full time home office without asking.

Anyway, with the current guest, only time will tell. Maybe she has given up nitpicking and just plans to leave me low ratings. Maybe she is happy. Meanwhile, I had another new guest arrive and, while he hasn't complained about anything, he also makes me feel uneasy in a similar way.

Most guests compliment SOMETHING when they are being shown around, but neither of these two do. The guy who arrived has lots of questions for me (kind of expecting a concierge type knowledge of all things and really specific stuff) but never smiles or looks happy. Both guests I find a bit uncomfortable to chat to/be around (which is unusual for me) but the guy even more so. There were absolutely no red flags beforehand. In fact, he seemed really warm in his correspondence, but is not like that in person. I'm not saying he's displeased. I really can't tell.

It's not going to be a great month, but I'm trying to see it as just a temporary glitch.

[Helen744]

@Huma0 I am a really serious person generally but when I find people like that I find grinning and looking really happy to see them tends to disarm the most reticent person H

[Helen744]

@Gillian166 Yes ,same same . We give two litres of milk every time  ordinairy full fat milk. Sometimes it is used sometimes not but sometimes all the coffee pods disappear and none in the bin  . Most people are 'healthy' but this does not prevent them consuming large amounts of pizza and huge amounts of fizzy drinks ,tons of alchohol  and every variety of water possible in plastic bottles. If the weather is hot we provide cordial,a good variety and fill a jug of water for the fridge.In winter we provide packet soups that can have added hot water and sometimes hot chocolate . The hot chocolate drinks are always used . It is all about that arrival time while they orientate themselves Hosts are always doing these things but do not get much respect for it. I file it under intangibles  H

[Gillian166]

@Helen744  so far we haven't had the coffee pods disappear, and we provide about 20.  I'm waiting for it to happen, hopefully whoever does will give me 5* for "value" once they take their $10 worth of pods home. haha.   

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I supply really good quality coffee and a few different varieties of it. Weirdly, it's one of the things that the guests get through the least, but then it's not pods, so they wouldn't really take it with them.

I do occasionally get the guests who want to help themselves to as much of the 'free stuff' as they can, and that includes stuff that is not for their use but for mine and they were never given permission to use (have one of those staying at the moment). What is more common and driving me up the wall lately is the ones who keep asking for extra things like coconut sugar, detergent especially for woollens, this type of oil or that type of oil and "Oh, this is empty," pointing to something they were never supposed to use in the first place but have finished regardless, and then confused face when I don't immediately have another bottle of it to hand for them.

I feel very awkward saying, "Yeah, that was actually my oyster sauce and you appear to have used it all without asking." 

[Gillian166]

@Huma0 
is it not all swings and roundabouts though? surely guests buy a bottle of sauce and end up leaving it with you, half full? 

But i feel you, i'd be SUPER annoyed if guests used my expensive condiments without asking (perhaps no oyster sauce) but sea salt flakes aren't cheap, neither is my feta floating in good olive oil (I usually drain half the oil it comes in and top it up with my better quality oil, then use that oil for salads). I just came home from a week away and found the empty feta jar in the fridge, that my HUSBAND has finished and boy am I cranky about it!! 😆 

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

It's funny how different things have different value to different people. I guess it may depend on how rare or expensive something is in your locality.

I supply pink Himalayan sea salt (as well as regular sea salt flakes and ground salt) and am happy for guests to use it. It didn't cost that much and seems to last for ages. The bottle of oyster sauce cost considerably more and, although it was large (would take me a while to get through it), this particular guest polished off most of it in a week, as well as various other sauces, spices etc. Often it is not about the cost but the fact that I had to go out of my way to find a particular thing. 

Yes, guests do often leave unused food stuffs here, but mostly things that end up having to be thrown away like one type of milk or another that no one else seems to want to use, opened things that will expire quickly etc. I do try to reuse what I can as I hate food waste, but often it ends up being chucked because no one else wants it.I'm about to throw out two cartons of soya milk, for example. Breakfast cereals, especially granola and oats, seem to be left in great quantities and, while I offer these up to other guests, very few use them. They just buy more. A few do leave longer life items, such as cooking oil and peanut butter, but sauces, condiments, herbs and spices, not really.

What I don't really need is a lot of food items that I (or other guests) are not going to use in exchange for using up my stuff that I actually bought for my own cooking and I am an adventurous cook so I have quite a stock of ingredients but I am not wealthy so I can't afford to buy these things for everyone else.

Your husband needs to run straight out and buy another jar of feta for you pronto!! 🙂

[Gillian166]

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@Huma0 wrote:

@

 The bottle of oyster sauce cost considerably more and, although it was large (would take me a while to get through it), this particular guest polished off most of it in a week, as well as various other sauces, spices etc. Often it is not about the cost but the fact that I had to go out of my way to find a particular thing. 

Your husband needs to run straight out and buy another jar of feta for you pronto!! 🙂

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@Huma0  How much are you Brits paying for Oyster sauce??? it's around $3 here, and i can probably get it cheaper at Aldi.  I can't understand how someone used a whole bottle in a week, i can't imagine eating the kind of food that uses it more than once a fortnight, at most. 

The salt flakes are like $9 a box here, I'd be seriously miffed if someone used them all up in 1 stay.

The granola thing must be a global phenomena, same thing happens here! At least i can feed it to dogs and chickens 🙂 

Hubby wouldn't ever set his foot into a supermarket, although he does venture into fancy providores willingly, and would probably spend $20 on replacement feta, so best I stay in charge of it!

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I just looked it up and you can buy oyster sauce for around that price. I guess it was just overpriced at the store I bought it from! As I live in a fairly central part of London, the supermarkets are quite small and, while you can get all the day to day stuff, there is not a great choice of spices and sauces. Although I love to cook, and especially Asian cuisine, a bottle of any kind of speciality sauce or vinegar is going to last me months because you use such small amounts. I'm not going to go out and buy it weekly or fortnightly.

Sea salt flakes are very cheap here (around £1.30 at Sainsbury's) and the coarse sea salt for grinding even cheaper. I the salt salt and peppercorn grinders at Lidl for well about 60 or 70 pence I think and they last ages, so I don't even think of that as an expense.

Of course, I don't mind a guest using a bit of my oyster sauce or other condiments, especially when they have just arrived and are getting themselves settled in, but long term guests who are using these items daily should really buy their own. I noticed that the guest who was helping herself to copious amounts of various sauces did not buy more when mine run out. She just stopped using these things in her cooking. So, I sense that she was just using them because they were there and she thought, why not just chuck that in as well?