Host privacy

[Rossana121]

Hello everyone, I'm new at hosting (started in February) but I have experience as a guest.

Being now fresh on the other side, I'm seeking out for advices.

As a guest I was utterly respectful of the fact that I was actually in someone else's home, making every effort to stay out of their way as much as I could, barely interacting for fear of being out of boundaries and always keeping to myself staying in my room.

I got great reviews for this (and my being very clean).

My first guest was apparently not of the same type. At times I was under the impression that he considered me as part of the package, at his disposal for any kind of request.

My living room is not a shared area. It's actually a separated room that you don't go through, so I put on a heavy curtain to have privacy in the evening when I lie on the couch, maybe in my pj. It's also where I fall asleep in the evening in front of the tv. 

So, even though I share my kitchen for my guests to warm up their meals, I expect them to respect my spaces as much as I respect theirs.

This guy would start awkward conversations at 6.30 in the morning, out on the balcony, where I was having my coffee and a cigarette, with me barely being able to connect yet.

Or would call me through the curtain while I was having my earned evening relax time.

It was once 9.30 PM, he called saying "may I ask for your service?" and that was the time I really got upset. I was about to fall asleep, in my pj,  and he basically came knocking on my closed door.

Regretfully I answered in a less than polite manner (apologized the next day).

I felt sort of violated in my privacy.

I'd like your opinion on the matter because I never thought that hosting would mean giving up my right to privacy and being at one's disposal all the time.

I offer a very nice place to stay and a lot of comfortable amenities, non my friendship.

Could you give me your feedback and advise for future guests? Where do you set the boundaries?

[Rossana121]

Need to add:

the guest left a 4 star review for communication.

Probably because I confronted him on the fact that he poured coffee on the wall and didn't tell me (he didn't even apologize!). I discovered it when I cleaned the room in between his 2 reservations.

The stain won't come off, by the way, not even with bleach. And painting over it didn't really help.

I would like to leave a reply to his review but I don't want to sound too blunt.

I'll welcome any suggestion you may have.

Thank you!

[Lawrene0]

In the guest's defense, @Rossana121 , your listing says, under During Your Stay: "I will be at home in the evening, after 5, and at your disposal should you need anything." 

It sounds like it should say, "Please do not disturb me unless it is very important."

Some guests do need more from their hosts, and some are like you, self-sufficient and even fearful of crossing lines.

I have had all types. In-home hosting isn't always easy. It helps to like people quite a lot and not mind some interruptions.  

I don't think you are wrong for wanting your space, however. You could perhaps weed out the needier guests by putting something like this in your description: Guests who are a perfect fit here are self-sufficient and quiet. 

Would that work for you? It doesn't guarantee anything, of course.

Going forward, don't reply to a review to complain to a guest about the stars they have given. He doesn't see that. Only your future guests do. 

You have a lovely space, and hopefully you will get lots of lovely guests. All the best.

[Stephen-and-Adam0]

@Rossana121 

Hopefully this was just a bad first experience which you can use to reword your listing to clarify your expectations (although please remember not all guests will read the detail properly).  I would expect most guests to act accordingly to the separation as the nice bedroom with tea/coffee facilities and private bathroom offer the feeling of a hotel room experience.   

I would recommend you delete your response to the review as others do not see the 4-star communication score, only the positive words in his public review.  You need to consider reviews and your responses as part of the advertisement to future guests 🙂  

[Rossana121]

Thank you both for your precious suggestions to a newbie like me.

The reply was actually meant for the host, and I tried to write it in a way that wasn't harsh or offensive.

@Lawrene0 

being available after 5 doesn't mean you can call me in the middle of the night just because you fell like having a chat. I wouldn't go knocking on his door unless the house was on fire, it was weird to be called late at night (almost 10 pm) when he could clearly see the lights were out in my room sugeesting I was probably asleep.

But maybe it's just the way I see things.

As a host, do you feel like you're at your guests' service?

[Stephen-and-Adam0]

@Rossana121 

It comes down to mindset, if you put yourself at guests' service, often you will be taken advantage of and walked all over.  Be firm with your rules and boundaries which make you feel comfortable.  No matter what, it still remains your home and these are just temporary guests.  

I think you have been knocked back by this first negative experience but it is not normally the case as the vast majority of guests turn out to be very pleasant and human after all 🙂  

[Lawrene0]

Meant for the guest, you mean, @Rossana121 ? That guest will never see that reply unless he happens to look back at your listing. There is no notification that a reply has been left to a review. 

If you want the guest to know something, you have to write it in the inbox messaging. Not that I would recommend that here. I would just let it go. 

Save review replies for thanks, if you like, or to correct something inaccurate in the written review for future guests to see. If the guest were to say in the review, "I didn't like the cat", for instance, and you have no cat, you could reply, "There is no cat. I think this guest has us confused with another listing."

Always keep it professional. Take the high ground.

Never call out a star rating or something that was said in the private feedback. 

It was too bad that this was your first hosting experience. As @Stephen-and-Adam0 says, most are very good. Otherwise we would all give up! 

[Linda108]

@Rossana121   You have made a common new host mistake, which most of us made as well.  You think guests are like you are as a guest.  Do you expect the stranger on the street is like you?  Probably not.  You are bringing those strangers into your home.  I also have a private room listing and there are some guests more intrusive than others.  I put in my rules that the shared space is available from 7 AM to 10 AM.  When I am orienting my guest, I mention that I retire early and they can send a message through the Air BNB message system that I will respond to the next day.  Of course, if a guest needs your attention and response right away, a message would not work.  One thing you might consider, is how you orient the guest to make sure they know the limits, rules, how the space works, etc.

You can complain about this guest and many hosts will be supportive of your concern.  However, I think trying to find the lesson in the annoyance or problem will pay off in the  long run.  It has been suggested you modify your listing about your availability, so that is a good start.  Also, you might have more pre-approval communication so you can gauge how you get along with the guest.  Finally, you can just chill and realize that the guest will not be staying that long.  Good luck and keep learning!

[Sarah977]

@Rossana121  I am a home-share host and have been lucky to get the type of guests like you say you were. None who expected me to be at their beck and call or to entertain them. I actually like socializing with my guests, and do it quite often, talking over coffee or a glass of wine, but it isn't really necessary for you to be more than polite, informative and reasonably responsive to guests' questions or needs. Bothering you after you have clearly retired to your room with lights out, when there is no emergency, isn't reasonable, asking where they can find the spatula, or asking for more toilet paper during the day is. 

Some guests may be lonely or simply chatty and think nothing of taking up your time. Some may be on the autism spectrum and not really pick up on how their behavior affects others. Some may simply be entitled and demanding and unclear on what an Airbnb host does- that you aren't their personal valet or counselor or buddy. You just have to learn to set your boundaries and if a guest is being too needy, or entering your personal space, or taking advantage in other ways, don't let it go on and make you uncomfortable, address it right away.

"I'd love to be able to have the time to chat, but there's a number of things I need to attend to, so please excuse me."  

"Don't take it personally, but this is my quiet, alone time of day when I just need to relax and not interact with anyone."

"Just so you know, I'm the kind of person who needs not to have to talk to anyone for at least an hour after I get up in the morning."

"I go to bed around XX, so unless the house is on fire, or the plumbing springs a leak, I won't be available after that time of night". (Turn off your phone ringers)

I remember a post from a host whose guest actually knocked on her door at 2AM, waking her up, of course, to ask where the hair dryer was.

But most guests, in my experience, are quite respectful.

When they arrive and you are giving them an orientation tour, "As it said in my ad, you are free to use the kitchen, but the living room here is sn't included in the shared areas, it's my personal space." 

[Rossana121]

Thank you all so very much for your precious suggestions!

It is clear that I lack the experience needed to handle every situation in the best way; I'm still learning and reading from your experience helps a lot.

I think my first adjustment will be to spend more time at guest's arrival to give the "the tour" and all necessary explanation.

From what I could learn in the community board, writing a detailed house rule doesn't really help cause no one will spend time to really read it through.

[Rossana121]

Just for clarity: the 4 stars were put as an overall rating. Sigh.