Guest with medical problems, I've done what I can, I think. How do we move on?

[Faith106]

I have had lots of fun and interesting guest stays, some very uneventful stays, and made a couple friends of guests.  This most recent guest is really challenging.  She came with a one month reservation and soon found out she wanted to find a job and move to this city basically.  I said, great best of luck, if I hear of anything, I'll tell you.  But by the way, I am going to put my house up for sale next month, so if you do find work and decide to live in this city, you will be having to find another place to live.  

She was already kinda sick.  but not too sick.  maybe it was nerves and an upset stomach, who knew?  two and a half weeks in she started a job and workd for 4-5 days.  she got more sick.  She couldn't keep any food or water down, she had to take off from work.  She was so sick I convinced her to go to the hospital.  She had pancreatitis and severe dehydration.  She came back from the hospital, hadn't got a check yet, so couldn't afford the medication.  So I bought the medicine, and she'd pay me back when she got her check.  I mean she was bad, sick.  I was like, you need to take care and follow the doctor instructions and get better as fast as you can.  Well she had a lot of trouble taking the medicine, I'm not sure if she wasn't trying, was too out of it from the dehydration to focus, or very ignorant of how medicine and dehydration work.  So she got more dehydrated again after the IV fluids wore off and was doing badly again.  I am a licenced EMT and could not ignore.  I started strongly encouraging her to take the medicine, force herself to stay awake and drink a little more every half hour, and then try crackers and bread if the water stays down.  (she was otherwise going to try to eat chili! when the doctor clearly said you must eat very plain foods for a while.)  after that, she turned a corner.  But I have put in a couple of days of labor into coaching her to get better.  

This whole time I had been carefully considering, is it really my place to get involved, you know...

she was still pretty bad, sleeping all day, very wobbly on her feet, unable to focus for up to 2 days after her last paid day.  

I did a small facebook fundraiser for food for her.  And got her food.  

It is now getting past the time when I was hoping to put my house on the market.  I have changed into a whole different dynamic with her.  I am more of a caregiver than a host/ guest.  She says she can't stay with her parents.  She says she has no-one.  But does she really have me?  I have given her most of the travellin advice I had, but we are really different people.  I am very physically able and would be working on a farm or camping in a forest and eating berries by now if I was her.  My best advice just doesn't really apply to her as she is kind of frail, I'm afraid she will fall over a lot, and orders lots of takeout food.  (I'm like, organic local, cheap and healthy, super frugal).  That'd be a whole lifestyle change and that would take months, and I don't have that time to hang and encourage, and probably she doesn't eeven want that.  

Yup, so any advice to push her out of the nest so to speak.  Or if there are Airbnb policies or resources, for guests with medical problems, or guests who overstay, I'd like to know.  I can't find them.  I am finding it very awkward and difficult to tell her to leave, I am starting to feel resentful.  People get so comfortable here, and they don't want to leave.  And she's so sick... My real estate agent, who is also a friend of mine talked to her, and said we'd like the house empty one week from today.  What if she doesn't find a place.  

[Sarah977]

@Faith106  It's very kind of you to have done so much for her, but she isn't your child or relative, you can't let her be your burden. Plus she's not even looking after herself. Does she have mental health problems? It sounds like it.

I don't understand, how long is her booking for? There must be an end date to her booking, so I don't get why you are wondering how long you have to let her stay or putting your life on hold.

[Lisa723]

@Faith106 what a difficult situation. As an EMT, do you have information about county social services that might be available for this person?

[Alexandra316]

@Faith106 that's a very sad situation. It sounds like you've gone way above and beyond for this guest. If she has already overstayed the dates she's paid for, I would be actively working on getting her out of your home, for two reasons. First, not being able to sell your home doesn't sound like a viable way to move forward. Also, the longer she stays, the more difficult you may find it to remove her. I'm not sure what the rules are in your area, but in many places, once a guest stays a certain amount of time they become a tenant and you will need to go through a formal eviction process. If you haven't already, I would look into that.

As @Lisa723 says, it would be nice of you to help refer her to any community services that may be available. It might also make it easier to get her out of your place.

Airbnb definitely does not have any resources for this. Overstay is also very much against their rules.

It sounds like you're feeling responsible for your guest's situation and safety, but you are definitely not responsible for helping her. I understand your conflict, but you should not feel guilty for wanting her out of your home so you can move on with your life. 

[Helen3]

I think you went way over and beyond, you have been amazing and she is absolutely taking advantage of you. Really a fundraiser to cover her food?  There are very few people in this world who truly have no-one - really not a cousin, parent, sibling, aunt or uncle or one solitary friend in all the world. ( I would be tempted to check her FB page if she has one to see if that is really the case).

I do think you need to separate your role as a host and your role as a health professional.

There are no Airbnb policies regarding ill guests. When her stay ends she needs to leave. In your situation I would block out dates so she cannot extend her stay/and confirm to her a sick relative coming to stay when her stay ends..

Hope you have kept a record on Airbnb messaging so there is a record of conversations, particularly those confirming she cannot extend.

It sounds from what you said there is no access to free healthcare and medication in Canada and she doesn't have health insurance? Is there really no free care for those without insurance?

In terms of moving on, simply confirm both on Airbnb and in person that your accommodation cannot be extended post the end of her stay, as confirmed with her on XXX date and ask her about plans for moving on.

I do hope she pays you back for the cost of her medication. Please do not pay for anything else.

[Sarah977]

@Helen3  Everyone has health coverage in Canada. If you are below the poverty line, you pay nothing. 

But @Faith106's in Michigan, not Canada.

[Mark116]

@Sarah977 @Faith106 @Helen3  True, but in the US there is Medicaid for people who fall below the poverty line, which presumably someone with no job and no money for food would certainly quality for.  

I'm sorry for this situation, the guest sounds highly challenging in terms of her overall life skills, e..g. she should probably already be on Medicaid, refusing to follow doctors advice, etc. so I strongly recommend you begin the process of cutting ties with this person ASAP.

[Katrina79]

@Faith106 @You are truly a kind soul for helping this woman! Maybe it was meant to be...but I don’t think it’s meant to be your role forever. Try to be upfront and dig for a contact from this woman. I would request a phone number and name of the closest relative (parent, cousin, sibling, child) she has. You may need to phone in a favour for this woman as it doesn’t seem she wants to deal with her situation herself. Call in her people to come and get her! In discussion with her emphasize her health and your concern. I’ve found myself in similar situations to help a friend in life, but not a guest. You must be a real caregiver for those around you.