Sarah, thank you for your thoughtful comments.
I have some thoughts, mentioned below, but before I get to those comments, one participant in this discussion says, "It's the host's policy, not Airbnb's, that prevails." Should I take that to mean that there is no way that someone in my situation can state their case to Airbnb; or, if they do, expect any help? I'm guessing not, but just wanted to make sure that is the case.
Now to some other topics:
Concerning your comment about how some hosts are more flexible than others, I completely agree. In one case in particular, the host went out of her way to refund our money--much further than she was obligated to. To this day, I consider her a model of what one might call benevolent capitalism--capitalism where profit isn't everything.
I understand what you are saying about seeking more flexible cancellation policies, and I'll keep that in mind for the future. But when it comes to winter bookings in the Southwest, even when starting the search very early as I always have, other factors, such as location, type of home, etc. have to be considered as well. And for that prime location/time of the year, most hosts, unless I'm mistaken, tend to have strict cancellation policies. That limits the available candidates.
Putting myself in the host's shoes--and not able to read her mind--one possible, I say possible, explanation might--might--be that with the pandemic raising its ugly head, she might think that if she were to give us our money back, she would have trouble finding another tenant for that month and a half. Just a thought.
A final thought: compared with the plight of many if not all hosts during the next few months, until a vaccine helps out, my situation is minor. Yes, no one likes to spend money without getting something in return, but those outcomes happen. Things do balance, somewhat. The money that my wife and I received from the government during the early stimulus package offsets part of the loss.
We have used Airbnb many times, a lot of them long winter stays in the Southwest, and given the positive experiences we have had, I wouldn't hesitate to use Airbnb again. However, in a normal world, I already would have found a place for winter 2022. Not this time. Once bitten, twice shy.
Bill