@Stacy40, I love your honest reaction to @Willow3. I have stopped seeking help in online forums because I've had people respond in the exact same way - they totally miss the point of the post/question and, instead they decide to focus on some completely unrelated element that they find fault with. It's maddening and so unhelpful.
But anyway, in an effort to be helpful here, I do think there is one thing you can try before messaging hosts about all your questions. So first set your filter to find "family friendly" listings, and then, once you've pulled up a listing you're interesting in, scroll down to the Amenities section and expand it (by clicking on +More) and scroll down to the Family Amenities. That's where you'll see a bunch of options like baby bath, high chair, toys and books, ect. If it's greyed out with a line through it, then it's not an amenity available at that listing. I'm sure all of this is super obvious and you probably are already familiar with how this all works. But I just figured I'd mention it just in case you hadn't seen that before.
I will say, though, that even with that option available (being able to see all of the "family friendly" amenities that hosts can check off for guests to see right away instead of having to ask), it still is surprising (and understandably very frustrating) how few listings have any of those possible amanities even though their listing is posted as "family friendly." I just did a test search with my filter set to show me family friendly listings, and in the random 10 that I looked at, NONE of them had ANY of the possible family friendly options available. So that would be a bit maddening if I were searching for those things specifically in a listing posted as "family friendly."
However, I will ALSO say that, even if a listing didn't say it had some of the amenities you were looking for, it wouldn't hurt to message the host of a "family friendly" listing to mention what you were looking for in case it could be made available to you. When I first started hosting, I had a guest message me asking if I had a high chair and pack 'n play and that's how I realized I hadn't checked that I did have a pack 'n play and I went out and got a high chair. So it never hurts to ask!
And to hosts of "family friendly" listings who don't have the basics (which I'd say are probably a few books and simple toys, a high chair, a pack 'n play, outlet covers, stair gates if necessary, and children's dinnerware), go out and round it up! Every family I've hosted has been so happy to have those things available to them and mentioned them in a glowing review, so it is well worth the cost.