Should I honestly review alcoholic guest? Am I penalized for not reviewing guests?

[Kathleen112]

Hello Community- Is there any advantage to me as a host for "not reviewing" a difficult guest, other than the fact that their possibly negative review of me will not appear on my profile? I have not seen any other discussion relating to the question of whether or not I will be penalized by ABB for not reviewing a guest who has apparently reviewed me, so I welcome anyone's thoughts on this please.

I am torn about whether I should review this guest or not. She rented a room in my home for an entire month and even wanted to extend her stay, but I found her extremely difficult to host. Her daughter (who lives near me) is the one who booked her stay, and I was out of town when the booking came through, so I did not take the time to see the possible red flag in that, (and I had Instant Book on, which I am now regretting). I have hosted for the past 2 years and have only had one other difficult guest, so I am not sure what to do about reviewing her. Her daughter has been booking ABB places for her mom for the past 4 months while she deals with her husband's health situation.

I believe she is an active alcoholic and she was very, very difficult to live with- she talked "at me" whenever I was there- even when I was in the other room, she would just talk and talk and talk. I would go in to cook dinner, and she would sit in the living room talking "at me." She has absolutely no sense of boundaries whatsoever.  I actually had to tell her one night that I did not want to be rude, but that I needed some space with my own thoughts each evening and could not talk with her for hours each night after a long day at work. I asked her to confine her drinking to her room, which she did. She complained that my listing should have said "no heavy drinking," which believe me, it now does, though I told her that someone's drinking had never been an issue in two years of more than 20 guests. She did clean up the place before departing, and the empty wine bottles filled my recycling bin to overflowing!

This guest was a major hassle to have in my home, but I did not want to cancel her visit and be penalized for that. Her stay was a real lesson in setting boundaries. I feel somewhat obligated to review her so that future guests can be warned about her, but I live in a small-ish community, and her daughter lives here, so I don't want to create any negative blowback from her daughter.

I welcome anyone's thoughts on how to handle this. I realize that alcoholism is a disease (my father is 27 years sober in AA), so I hate to punish her for that, but I also believe that she is NOT the most "suitable" guest to share someone's home, given her interpersonal communication skills. Give her an apartment of her own- no problem- but sharing a home is going to be a huge burden on the host. I found myself avoiding going home and that is certainly no way to live!

Thanks so much for any hosting wisdom you can share about my situation. This whole episode does make me also question whether I should limit my guest stays to a week or two, and not allow any month-long stays, to avoid situations like this in the future.

[Lawrene0]

Hi, @Kathleen112. First of all, you seem to have misunderstood reviews. If you do not review your guest, her review will still appear on your profile after 14 days. That's the way it works. If you review before the 14 days are up, you will see her review immediately. If you do not, you (and everyone else) will see her review 14 days after the stay, and at that time it will be too late for you to review her. 

That said, you could be kind to both her and future hosts in the review.  Was anything good about the stay? Was she tidy? You said she cleaned. Communication good? I know - a little too good...  You could mention the good, and then add the "better suited to a hotel, however" bit or even "needed to change my house rules" - anything factual that will flag difficulty to future hosts. I do understand about living in a small town and not wishing to embarrass the daughter. I'm not really good at this part, but I do know about the 14 days. Perhaps someone has better advice about precisely what to say. 

[Steve143]

Hello @Kathleen112,

I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's not acceptable to be made feel like avoiding going home to your own place.

Your guest has 14 days after checkout to leave a review.

If she leaves one and you don't review her, her review will still appear on your profile after 14 days anyway.

You not reviewing her doesn't block her review from appearing on your profile.

As it's her daughter who booked for her any review you leave will be on her daughter's profile.

You don't mention whether her daughter ever visited her during the month. Is there an element of her daughter "parking" her mother for a month so as she didn't have to deal with her?

Unless her daughter communicated with me beforehand about the stay and how to deal with her mother, I'd feel somewhat taken advantage of. Yes, I know us hosts get paid but no one should knowingly foist a guest, who they know to be difficult, on us.

You say it's a small community but her daughter had no problem using instant book to make life unpleasant for you.

I would leave a review  which first gives the easy facts.

XXX made a reservation for her mother YYY who stayed with us.

Mention it if there was good communication regarding arrival time and arrangements and if she arrived on time.

Mention it it if she kept the place tidy and cleaned up.

You could then say that she's someone who might prefer to stay in a hotel.

Other hosts will easily understand that the hotel mention means that she was difficult to deal with in a home situation.

Steve.

[Kathleen112]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and insights with me, Steve.

You are absolutely right- I think there was an element of this woman "parking" her difficult mother in my home. She even tried to Instant book her mother for another week's stay here just yesterday- before I had had a chance to review her mother- so that was unsettling to say the least. I typically review my guests the day they depart, but I was seeking ffedback on this forum before doing so.

I wrote her a very honest reply and told her that her mother's drinking disqualifies her from ever staying with me again.

Thank you so much! Kathleen

[Mariann4]

Hello @Kathleen112.

I'm sorry for your experience. First thing first: accepting a third party booking is in breach with Airbnb policy. Your review will end up on the daughter's profile, she can argue it, and have it removed, since she never stayed with you. Also, it being in breach of policy, you are not at all protected by ANY rules made by Airbnb except the one which entitles you to remove this person from your property for also breaking the rules and policy.

Second: Not writing a review does not exclude the other part's review from being posted. It just gives this person one less public review on her profile.

Third: giving a review more nice than true is making it hard for other hosts to vet this person correctly. You don't have to give up any details, but say something in the line of this person would be best suited for a stay in a hotel during this part of her life. Or this person made a third party booking. Short, but true.

Best of luck

Mariann 🙂

[Kathleen112]

Thank you so much for this helpful response, Mariann. I was unaware of the third party booking issue- as I had not experienced this before, I don't think. I told the daughter that it was a breach of AirBnB policy to solicit rooms for her mother, and that her mom should have and maintain her own profile, so I appreciate knowing that I also lose some protections by renting to her. As I had mentioned, I was traveling out of the country when this booking came through, so I wasn't nearly as careful as I would be if I were home when this came through for my consideration.

I found your wording very helpful as I crafted my public review of her mother. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience.

Best wishes- Kathleen

[Gary-And-Rose0]

I would hope anyone hosting would give honest and expediant reviews of thier guests. 

We rely completely on reviews in allowing folks stay in our homes. 

Wouldnt you have been happier to read an honest review so you knew before having them?

jist be gonest

[Gary-And-Rose0]

Should read unqble to edit 

Just be honest in your reviews its what makes Airbnb work

[Nina108]

HI I just had a similar experience with an overly chatty guest who began drinking during the day right on until bed, when he was not at his job detail. I felt pretty uncomfortable with the heavy drinking and overly chatty behavior, but just tonight he calls asking for a ride because he is somewhere where they won't let him drive due to his drinking (at 6 pm). I did not appreciate being dragged in to solve someone's problem due to bad judgement on his part. Told him so. He showed up with his car on a tow truck and hour or so later. I had all his belongings packed and ready to go although he was two nights short of his week's stay because I had enough of it and didn't want him staying any longer. I didn't think I needed to state NO HEAVY DRINKERS on my listing but I guess that's the way I need to go after this. I will take advice here about suggesting in the review that he would be more suited to a hotel stay, to warn other hosts about the difficulty with this guest without being negative outright. 

[Kathleen112]

Hi Nina- Wow, it sounds like yours was even worse than mine- calling you for a ride home bc he was too drunk to drive? Amazing.

I so appreciate the great feedback we both got from other hosts on how to handle this situation. My guest ended up holding onto my house key for 10 whole days AFTER she checked out, and then the day after the key was returned while I was out, her daughter tried to Instant Book my place for yet another week bc I had not yet written my review of her mom. The daughter had been asking me for another stay in numerous messages we had exchanged about the key being returned, and I never responded that her mom could come back, so I was pretty taken aback to see another booked trip by her. Needless to say, that attempted booking prompted me to immediately cancel this trip bc I knew her Mom had broken my house rules before and could not adhere to my brand new house rule about "no heavy drinkers."

I ended up telling the daughter in my private message that her mom had major communications issues stemming from her drinking, which I told her we had discussed. I also said both publicly and privately that I thought her Mom was better suited to staying in a stand-alone apartment or a hotel, and not in a share situation.

Thanks to everyone who posted their advice.

[Anna1276]

I have a guest and her spouse currently staying.  Although she is not chatty, she admitted to me a drinking habit.  She never leaves a mess, but on the daily she takes out a dozen beer cans-the tall ones.  She also seems to have a constant supply of mixed drinks.  The difference is my guest is weird but not chatty.  I really don't appreciate it in fact when I come home and they are using the kitchen (which is totally fine)but act all nervous an madly try to finish up and get out so they can getaway from me. It's very rude.  I'  a Superhost and consider myself to have goid communication skills, I am approachable and helpful. I am going to write a somewhat friendly and honest review... some people for whatever reason just need private accommodations without having to interact with others.   It's not the worst, but now I have to live with people who have brought some kind of strangeness around, and that negatively affects everyone.  Alcoholics are a menace in oh so many ways unfortunately.

[Anna1276]

I have a guest and her spouse currently staying.  Although she is not chatty, she admitted to me a drinking habit.  She never leaves a mess, but on the daily she takes out a dozen beer cans-the tall ones.  She also seems to have a constant supply of mixed drinks.  The difference is my guest is weird but not chatty.  I really don't appreciate it in fact when I come home and they are using the kitchen (which is totally fine)but act all nervous an madly try to finish up and get out so they can getaway from me. It's very rude.  I'm a Superhost and consider myself to have good communication skills. I am approachable and helpful. I am going to write a somewhat friendly and honest review... some people for whatever reason just need private accommodations without having to interact with others.   It's not the worst, but now I have to live with people who have brought some kind of strangeness around, and that negatively affects everyone.    It' also obvious that they don' like cats, but then they pretend to and it's stupid fake.  I mentioned the cats in my listing and even have pictures of them. Alcoholics are a menace in oh so many ways unfortunately.