Guest behavior- held a wedding at my property without asking!

[Cyndi66]

I recently had an instant book reservation from a guest and in the note the person said that they were "excited about spending their honeymoon weekend at my cottage." I interpreted this to mean that they would have had their wedding ceremony already, somewhere else, and that they would arrive at my cottage already married, ready to enjoy a honeymoon weekend.

The guests arrive late at night, and manage to lock themselves out after entering and then going outside for a stroll. We met them and let them back in-- no mention of a ceremony planned at my property for the next day. 

The next day comes, and several additional vehicles arrive at my cottage (against my rules- max of two vehicles are allowed- clearly stated.) A few minutes go by, and I see them taking an antique chair out of my cottage, over to the waterfront, a woman in a white dress, and a ipad being set up on the chair. Within the next half hour, they have someone perform their ceremony and have it streamed on the ipad. I watched all of this from my house, which is adjacent to the cottage. There was a total of 5 people at the event.

I did not approach the couple or otherwise interfere while this was happening, as I felt that it was not the right thing to do- to interrupt. But my overall feeling about this is that I should have been asked if it would be okay to hold their wedding ceremony on my property. They did put the chair back inside, although we had to clean the feet as it was placed outside in grass and dirt. They have yet to send me a thank-you or otherwise acknowledge their stay. They left the next morning without so much as a courtesy thank-you or goodbye. They acted as though my property was theirs to use as if it was a public facility.

I haven't reviewed the guest yet, and plan to call them on their communication with me and their lack of following house rules. I also do not plan to host them again. While I in one way feel flattered that my property was chosen for their wedding, on the other hand, I believe I should have been asked first. I feel used!

Has anyone had a similar experience? How would you respond?

[Huma0]

@Basha0 

Did you not read the original post?

"several additional vehicles arrive at my cottage (against my rules- max of two vehicles are allowed- clearly stated.)"

So yes, there was a limit set and the guests ignored it. There were rules set and the guests broke them.

I agree that it's not a party per se and if no damage was done, perhaps not a big deal, but at the end of the day, the listing belongs to the owner. The guests are booking accommodation for themselves and have no right to assume they can use it for whatever purpose they choose and invite whomever they choose without the courtesy to ask, or even inform, the owner. The fact that they got married doesn't make it less rude.

I would absolutely not be happy to find random people in my listing. Even if a guest brings friends over without my permission, they would get a very firm talking to.

[Laura2592]

@Basha0  If the guest decided to use my Airbnb for a home birth because it "meant so much to them" and had a midwife and a medical team attend I wouldn't be happy about it. Glad if the baby came safely into the world, not glad that I was duped into my space being used for that purpose.

If a guest wants to travel with their dog because it "means so much to them" and doesn't mention it, we have MANY threads here where hosts are very vocal about how this violates their house rules. 

If a guest wants to bring home a cute stranger they hooked up with at a local bar because it "means so much to them" most hosts would not feel in any way accommodating of the new romance. 

If a guest decided to host a family reunion in your space without telling  you because it "means so much to them" and you have a strict capacity limit, there is no reason they should be given an okay for sneaking in the entire crew for a cook out. 

This is why each property owner has the ability to set house rules and why guests are rated on their ability to follow them.  This host was a lot more careful than I would have been. Had I been next door and seen a lot of vehicles arriving, I would have gone over to investigate and remind the bride to be of my house rules, helped her with some recommendations of parks and other more appropriate spaces nearby and wished her well.  Or I would have politely reminded her of the house rules and gotten payment for an event fee for using my space on the spot. 

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  Funny that you mention home births. I had a friend who had an Airbnb in Canada and that was what she mostly catered to. The local midwives had her info so they could give it to their clients who lived on surrounding islands where there wasn't a hospital. Those moms-to-be needed to be near a hospital,  just in case anything went south, even though they were planning a home birth.

But of course, my hosting friend was well aware of what her place was being booked for, so it was all good. Lots of babies were born in that house, which was pretty cool.

[Laura2592]

@Sarah977  my sister is a labor and delivery nurse and has been for over 20 years so that's why the home birth thing came up. Once when we were having a family weekend at our place she started talking about what would happen if a guest went into labor at our space (she constantly assesses the possibilities of labor starting in all kinds of unusual places.) Very cool if all parties are aware. Not cool if "oh by the way, I might have a baby on your table. Just because the setting is so perfect!" I can only imagine what my long suffering cleaner would say when she encountered THAT situation on check out. Oy!

[Kelly149]

@Laura2592 @Sarah977 I once had a gal ask to book the Barn to birth... I kind of wondered if she was really asking or if she was looking for someone to sue for discrimination... what she didn't know was that I'd already had 5 out of hospital births and I knew exactly why my place wasn't a good fit for her. That was the most interesting inquiry response ever

[Laura2592]

@Kelly149 wow! But in keeping with the theme of this thread at least she asked you. Can you imagine? "Here are the extra towels you asked for....oh...MY....!"

[Kelly149]

@Laura2592 actually supplies and cleanliness were none of my concerns, midwives are PROS at dealing with all the goo that happens... the baby burping as a 3 day old makes more mess than the actual birth

[Sarah977]

@Kelly149 Yep, my midwives whipped off the bloody sheet and soaked it in the bathtub right away so it wouldn't stain, then washed it out properly afterwards. Of course I wasn't aware of this at the time, only found out afterwards.

[Cathie19]

I’ll vouch for that @Kelly149. I had a mum use our hospital’s specialist birthing centre, than she came to our homestay after. Couldn’t and wouldn’t  even guess the fluids on the bedding, from mother or baby. Milk,  spew,  etc.... etc.... 😱

[Sarah977]

@Kelly149  In Canada, midwifery is legal and part of the medical system. The midwives are highly trained, have to pass rigorous testing and many hours of practicum. They are very professional, come with oxygen tanks and other emergency medical equipment and will say right away at any point if they judge that the laboring mother needs to be transported to the hospital. It isn't some hippie-dippy, we're going to have a home birth no matter what, sort of thing.

It's a great system, because women who would fell more comfortable giving birth in a hospital setting, but also want it all as natural, and with as little intervention as possible, can opt to have a hospital birth with the midwives, who have hospital privileges. A doctor never enters the scene unless there is something going wrong. That's the option my oldest daughter went for. It all went smooth and she was back home with the new baby within a couple hours after the birth. But she wouldn't have felt secure having the birth at home.

Someone asking to give birth at my home, like yours who wanted to have the baby in your barn, without any trained medical personnel or equipment present, as if it's just some event where all will go as planned, would definitely be a hard no.

[Kelly149]

@Sarah977 the barn is a few miles away from where we lived when we had our last kiddo at home, and I remember very distinctly that our midwife said "we die on the way to the further hospital before we stop at that one" for the hospital is closest to the barn. and this gal who asked said it was her first delivery and she was trying to book total 4-5 days 2 weeks ahead at a strict cancellation place that was very likely to be booked immediately behind her stay...

So many red flags... I almost felt bad typing out all the reasons why she needed a different plan