Guilt

[Pat271]

I’m a pretty happy even-tempered person, but today I am sad.

After a lot of soul-searching, I left a bad review for a guest.

Although guests occasionally slip up on the house rules, and I’m usually pretty lenient, this family broke almost every house rule I had. I felt I owed it to other hosts to not recommend them.

The Mom was communicative and cordial, so it was a tough decision. I did briefly consider leaving her a private review, but felt that would be a disservice to other hosts. We have a LOT of increasingly bad guest behavior in this industry recently, so it’s important that we are forthright, both as a service to other hosts, and so that guests can learn.

The soul-crusher is that the guest left me 5 stars, with a personal note saying what a fabulous time she and her family had. 😢 Now I feel certain that I’ve spoiled their otherwise-perfect vacation. Not to mention set them up for headaches in the future when they try to book.

This is a good example of why reviews are blind. It would be so tempting to remove my review in this case. Reviewing blindly keeps the reviews honest.

[Lisa723]

@Pat271 I find it helpful to write (and think of) reviews as neither "good" nor "bad" but simply factual. This happened, that happened, I would or would not choose to host them again. No need for characterization.

What would merit feelings of guilt, to me, would be not writing a truthful review that lets other hosts know what they might expect.

[Sarah977]

@Pat271  These guests obviously deserved the review you left or you wouldn't have felt obliged to mention it. 

And you obviously deserved the 5 star review they left. Nothing to feel guilty about. Sad, maybe, but not guilty.

Do you think a professor feels guilty about giving a student a "C", because they didn't do proper research on their paper, handing in something full of spelling and grammar errors, or plagiarized, just because the student told the professor they loved their class?

[Pat271]

@Sarah977  I can see where the feelings of guilt I have could be construed as being misplaced. However, I am feeling it, along with all the other feelings that go with it - remorse, regret, feeling like I have hurt someone.

I think the guilt might come from thinking that there might have been a better way to handle it. For instance, maybe just leaving a private review would have been all that was necessary for the family to correct their behavior from now on. That’s the ultimate goal - for these guests and their future hosts to have successful experiences. On the other hand, maybe it wouldn’t have been enough, and the guest would continue to duplicate their behavior wherever they went. That was my quandary.

Your point, however is well-taken. Guest behavior and host performance are distinct, and the reviews of one shouldn’t affect the reviews of the other.

[Laura2592]

@Pat271 I think you did the right thing. You don't owe this guest a good review, just an honest one. Perhaps next time they will be more considerate in staying in someone's space. As this appears to be a new guest to the platform its likely a bit of a learning curve for them to understand that things like late check out times and extra clean up are not okay.  And your fellow hosts thank you for your honest review!

[Jillian115]

@Pat271 I accepted someone with a poor rating recently and I really wished I harden't so lesson learned. After that I learned to appreciate what other hosts say even more.  Yes its upsetting. Honestly, I have only left one bad review and she gave me 5 stars. Felt bad too. 

[Andrea-and-Glenn0]

@Pat271 Thanks for being honest. We all rely on reviews on this platform so the rest of us are thankful for your honest review. 

Is this your first issue with a “first timer” or new user to AirBnb?

Thanks again/Glenn

[Pat271]

@Andrea-and-Glenn0  I won’t say it’s my first issue with a first timer, just as it isn’t my first issue with more seasoned guests. However, I tend to lean towards the lenient side in my reviews. If one minor house rule is broken, I usually won’t mention it, or only mention it privately. It’s not common for me to explicitly not recommend a guest to other hosts, as I did in this case.

[Andrea-and-Glenn0]

@Pat271 I appreciate the reply. We are relatively new hosts who are off to a great start but we have been seeing a trend of potential issues with first timers (from other host experiences) as well as a rise of third party attempted bookings. When we first started out, we were mentored by another local AirBnb host and we are always grateful for the knowledge shared on this site. 

Thanks again/Glenn

[Pat271]

@Andrea-and-Glenn0  For me, issues have been fairly balanced between new guests and more experienced guests. New guests tend to need a bit of handholding regarding expectations, but are often very thankful and appreciative of what they get at my place vs. a hotel. Experienced guests know the ropes, but sometimes are overly critical, play games to get refunds, etc.

I have seen that many hosts have had more issues in general since coming out of lockdown. This may have more to do with the times and current moods and temperaments, rather than the experience of the guest being hosted.

[Pete69]

Some guests treat the check-out time like it's "no more than 10 items" at the check stand, and bend the rules. They don't understand that you've gotta get ready for the next guest. Leave a note explaining WHY it's important for guests to check out on time. If your maid is paid by the hour, then just bill the guest for the 30 minutes extra. When guests check out late, I just don't write them a review.

As for the missing pillowcase, often it's best to be sure that it didn't get lost in the laundry. Then ask the guest if they may have inadvertently taken it. Heck, maybe your maid forgot to put the pillowcase on when the room was originally prepped.

Generally, I'm happy as long as nothing is broken. Everything is going to get cleaned anyway.

[Pat271]

And the extra teenaged son they brought? 🙂  They explicitly told me they were a husband and wife and 2 daughters. My max is 4. That was intentional, IMO. Looking them up on social media, the 5 travel everywhere together.

[Kelly149]

@Pat271 1. Guilt is uncalled for. The ABB system is set up to review people and this is part of what happens with that system. She'll be fine. Her review was 5* but her treatment of you wasn't.

2. I can completely see how someone would look at your place and think that it looks just fine for 5 people. You have 6 chairs at the dining room table. You've listed 4 beds, that could easily sleep 6 people. Those of us with odd numbers of children are somewhat used to a don't ask/don't tell policy on the last kid sleeping on the armchair in a hotel room bc we don't easily fit in normal '2 queen bed' rooms. They shouldn't have been searching as a party of 4 when they were 5, but you really do have to be very clear that regardless of what they see and what they think, your 4 person max really is a 4 person max. 

3. I've intentionally set my departure time a full hour earlier than what it needs to be bc people are so often running late on leaving day. I would not ever make my cleaners' arrival time be the exact same minute as a guest's departure time. That is a recipe for frustration.

4. You probably wouldn't have even mentioned the pillowcase if not for the other things, but a pillowcase going missing is a fairly innocuous part of hosting.

[Laura2592]

@Kelly149 I agree about the dining room chairs. There really shouldn't be more chairs than people that you allow. I once had someone tell me they had to move a rocker in off the porch as an extra chair for the dining room in my private feedback because they had "more people than chairs." Uh, that is why we offer stays for 4 max and they obviously brought an extra person. We also bought a smallish table so only 4 chairs would comfortably fit around it.

[Robin4]

@Pat271 

Pat, on the couple of occasions I have been in this position I have always been quite nonspecific when it comes to a poor review. I have made it short and said,  I wish them well for the future but would decline the opportunity to host them again! 

That is all I am obligated to do, it is not my job to give a verbal blow by blow of everything that might have gone wrong. All that does is make me look like a prickly host.

If prospective hosts can't deduce from that statement that, the hosting did not go well.....then they shouldn't be in the STR industry!

I will message the guest privately via the message stream and explain the reasons I had given the review I did. I will explain to the guest how trust and safety are really important, and if they wish to remain as Airbnb guests they must respect the hosts terms and property when he/she accepts a guest booking. It's not just about them because they are paying you for it, it involves insurance coverage, it involves the next guest's right to expect what they received when they entered the property.....the system only works if everyone does the right thing. 

I have only had to do that a couple of times Pat, but each time, I did get an apology! 

If you have to give a poor review, keep it short and fairly nebulous, but just let other hosts know, beware!

Cheers........Rob