@Robin4, I did not answer immediately to your post as I wanted to think it over. You decided to share such a painful personal experience and gave us insights into your personal feelings and that deserved a calm answer. Besides, I had a very nice guest and we spent a few hours together every day, having dinner and even redecorating the guest room together. An Airbnb experience at its best, one of those that you yourself cherish in hosting too. Less time to hang out in a forum for a few days.
I thank you for telling the story of your friends. That makes it understandable that you wish to verify that the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed. For me it illustrates however that there is no guarantee that a layman reading all the rules before creating a business can exclude that a catastrophe may happen. Your friends, having good business sense and the sense of hard work, were certainly not careless. Perhaps they even read all the papers they signed. Perhaps it was a single word or sentence that was a trap. I have seen that too, in international companies and huge deals. But less rule trusting people expect deception and have insurance and failsafes against even that. I don’t see Alexander's experience so different from the story you told: he trusted he had all the rules covered.
I have seen that a few times, that good people dig their own graves, but never to the extent of your friends’ tragic outcome.
You conclude that the rules will safe you if you know them all and apply them all. My approach is that you will never be able to know all the rules and there will always be someone who finds a way to get a better interpretation against you. Therefore I do not judge how people arrived where they are, I see a situation, I guess or they tell me what they want and I find a way or two to make that happen as far as it can be made possible.
Sometimes I counsel strategies I would not follow to the end, as that end is not that important to me as to the poster and I’m less courageous than some. Sometimes I counsel strategies that I would do and find easy and others tell me « Helga, you dream, I could never do that. » Ok, I have to scratch my head some more 😉
And often, in a forum, I’m one of the first to pick up a problem but I’m not the one finding the final workable solution for the poster. Everyone contributes and I learn from it as much as everyone else. With the advantage of an excellent memory, I seem so very much wiser the next time 😉
It was very interesting to read that the community center structure and the unpredictable application of rules do not benefit you either. I saw the last row, when you left for a while. An ironie of the sort, then you crashed into a lawyer who has a lawyer’s approach to rules too. You did not discuss rules then but that it got so hot so fast was also due to opposite perceptions of procedure.
I can understand that forum writing is addictive, it is too me as well. I discovered the Anecdotes forum with a funny cry for help and was on the hook 😉
I wanted to tell you not to give up forum writing. It takes all kinds to make a world and you are so dedicated and love writing, it would be a pity if you did not continue.
However I would suggest for your own personal satisfaction that you find a forum where you can express yourself to full extent without being one day censored for this the other for that and the third day sent to start new topics for new thoughts.
In a peer moderated forum, people find their tone, if you are too long, people tell you « I did not read to the end but the start was good » and you cut the next post shorter, if you are mean, people tell you so to your face and if you are nice or hilarious, people tell you so too. Wouldn’t you prefer that after all, to tell a funny story even if it was nothing important, just a funny exchange with a guest or a nice little experience, and to trigger laughter, other comments, a serious question treated in between and everyone has a good time?
I would chat with you anytime everywhere else - as said above a little clash now and then can create respect if people can face each other and clear the air.
It will not be here as I decided not to participate in new threads anymore in the present set-up.
@Maxine, thank you, but even if the church just restructures the procedure, you still have to wait that I'm dead to declare me a saint ;-)))