Partner no longer wants to do AirBnB

[Neil408]

 Hi guys.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but.... opinions welcome on my situation.

I've been doing airbnb for 4 ,5 years, before I met my current girlfriend, Christine who I've now been with for almost 4 years.

I started doing airbnb because I was made redundant shortly after buying my first house & didn't have a lot spare - The income from airbnb allowed me to continue paying the mortgage and eat. Fortunately I was only out of work 6 weeks so I didn't struggle for long.

I met my partner Christine in Jan 2017 and I explained to her that I did airbnb, she seemed okay about.

She moved in, in March of this year and last week said that she REALLY doesn't want to do airbnb, doesn't want to share the flat with anyone and it makes her feel uncomfortable. I asked if it was related to Covid and it isn't to do with that and we always keep the flat clean, she just doesn't want people there. Between April and mid July I only had 4 bookings for obvious reasons and it wasn't a problem then.

I have a large spacious 3 bed flat, period property and rent out two rooms. Airbnb has now picked up and I'm 90%  full for both the rooms which means I'm pretty much now back to normal in terms of demand. From 90% occupancy this month airbnb has generated approximately £1400 ($2000 USD) in turnover.

The issues we have - Christine doesn't currently work - she has a degree in photography and is a wedding photographer, she hasn't had any income on her photography business since January. Nothing.  And no future bookings at the moment. Yet because she lives with me and I support her she can't sign on to state benefits. I pay everything - council tax, food for both of us, mortgage, gas, water and electricity and maintenance charges on the flat. Christine earnt very good money (£700 per day +) as a wedding photographer but has always been TERRIBLE with money, doesn't save and likes designer everything. Bare in mind she lived at home with her parents until she was 31 and she's 32 in 4 months. I'm the opposite of her, I do like nice things and not opposed to spending on good quality items but also make sure I save for a rainy day always and have a safety net. She also refuses to contribute anything (partly because she has no money to pay me with and it's not her flat)

I do have a very good job in oil and gas currently as a Senior Project Manager  (although I'm still furloughed the company still pays my entire wage). I also have a Ltd Company doing engineering consulting on the side which gets me good money too and I have other income from a rental property that's been permanently tenanted for the last 3 years. The income from the side business has dropped considerably from what I was making before Covid but still good. Together all three income streams plus airbnb means I can live comfortably AND save, both of which are important to me and I appreciate is not available to everyone and I'm fortunate.

To stop doing airbnb would mean a drop of £1400 a month (or more) in busy times. And I've found that this extra £1400 has often made the difference between having to access my savings or not in low periods. I clearly earn enough to support both Christine and without her working at all but it has been instilled in me from a very young age that I work hard to pay the mortgage and eat first, and support important people in my life. If I was in her position I'd do ANYTHING to find even a basic job and stand on my own two feet and not be wholly reliant on another to pay for me. But she won't do a basic job because she said she feels its demeaning and 'beneath her' to do something she's over-qualified for. When I've been out of work, I've done ANY job to keep a roof over my head and I'm not proud. I may be a qualified Mechanical Engineer but if I had no money, sure, I'd take on a supermarket job if it meant I could eat and pay the bills.

I feel she cannot understand how important I see airbnb being especially when she isn't contributing anything right now. If Covid continues much longer I can;t see her wedding photography business picking up either. 

My grandparents on both side were very poor (my mums parents were Irish immigrants - a stay at home mum with 6 kids and a coal miner) and my Dad's parents had 2 kids and worked as a shopkeeper and an automotive fitter, none of which could be considered highly paid jobs. I saw my grandparents struggled hugely when I was growing up, they were dirt poor. I work hard because I don't want to end up in the same situation I saw them go through in their 70's and 80's, someone who works hard all their life and end up with basically nothing.

Do I worry too much about losing the airbnb income or am I justified? 

How do I convince Christine that we need it? 

What are the alternatives - I'm guessing you're going to say 'if she goes back to work you can scrap airbnb' .... but I don't see that happening soon. 

I personally really enjoy airbnb, I'm quite a gregarious, friendly, outgoing person who loves meeting new people and people from different cultures, places and backgrounds.

Help!

Neil

[Mike-And-Jane0]

@Neil408 My vote goes to finding a new girlfriend. LOL

[Ute42]

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@Neil408 

That's easy.

Tell Christine that from today on running the rental business is her job including cleaning and scrubbing the floor. If she doesn't know how to do that, there are a couple of great cleaning videos on youtube.

If she doesn't want to do that, move her out and rent the extra room on airbnb.

[Huma0]

@Neil408 

You've made your case very clearly in my opinion and I have to say I agree with your sentiments. I trust you have explained all of this to Christine? If you haven't, well I guess you need to find a way to explain to her. If you've already done so, what is her argument? Is it simply that you can afford to support both of you with the rest of you earnings?

I would explain that, in such uncertain times, it is not wise to turn away income and dip into savings. It's been reported that we are on the brink of the worst recession since the great depression. Who knows what will happen with your job. No one can be certain of that, even during normal times, let alone now. It's not just the pandemic, but we have Brexit to deal with too. You are very wise to keep your savings for a rainy day.

I would tell Christine that you need to continue doing it for now, but will reconsider when she starts earning again and can contribute. If she insists on you stopping, then say fine, but we'll need to tighten our belts. I'll be able to pay for the essentials (mortgage, bills, food), but nothing more. Sorry to say it but, no matter how much you love someone, you have to put your foot down sometimes. BOTH people in a relationship should consider each other's feelings and needs. Hosting is important to you, not just financially, and it's not like you suddenly sprang it on her, which would be a different situation.

Also, has he explained exactly what about having other people there makes her uncomfortable, I mean the specifics? Is there anything you can do to make the experience more comfortable for her?

[Neil408]

To be perfectly honest my income from airbnb dropped to almost zero between early April and mid July, my earnings from my side business were cut by 75% and I had to support Christine who wasn't working and even with all that, I did not struggle or have to touch into my savings, we could live well on the furlough wages and the rental income. So, Christine is very aware that we will be okay if she didn't work or we didn't do airbnb. However, my concern is that oil and gas is a VERY unstable industry (having worked in it since 2010) and that industry unfortunately means you trade higher wages for less job security and I could suddenly find myself jobless at a month's notice in addition to any other losses occurred due to Christine's insistence I stop airbnb.

She said she just doesn't want other people in the flat, airbnb isn't for her and hasn't gone into specifics, other than she doesn't want them there and doesn't like sharing.

With regards to helping me with airbnb, she does help change the beds and clean, she's not totally idle.

I asked her about why she never saves and she said 'oh well I never saw this coming, it's not my fault, I never thought to save' 

[Huma0]

@Neil408 

Can I ask you what you honestly think would happen if the tables were turned? What if you were the one out of work, with no income and making no contribution, while Christine was supporting you both? Would you be buying designer items? Would you be insisting she stops hosting because you didn't like it? 

Or, would you offer to take over the responsibilities of running the Airbnb until you can find work, so that you are taking some of the pressure off your partner and contributing in some way, even if you didn't really like it?

I'm guessing you already know the answer.

[Neil408]

Well I am fiercely independent so I'd do my damnedest to make sure no one else had to support me but I wouldn't be buying designer clothes or insist I stop hosting because I would know we might need the money.

I'd help out whee I could if I could do no else

[Mark116 · Accepted solution]

@Neil408  You should think long and hard about how serious to become with someone who is financially irresponsible.  If a person is irresponsible with their own money, there is no reason to think they will be responsible with your money.  I can see that sharing a flat with Airbnb guests might end up feeling like a grind, but now is not the time to throw away this source of income, things are too uncertain.  As you say, oil and gas are notoriously unstable boom/bust, and your partner isn't working or contributing to the household in any way and you say has a penchant for spending.  This doesn't sound too good. 

[Neil408]

Certainly gives me food for thought Mark! I just cannot understand how someone could live at home until 31 and be working and not have a penny to their name....

She doesn't have a card for my bank account thankfully and I refuse to give her one. If she needs anything we have to go shopping together or I give her the exact amount she needs in cash and nothing else.

[Helen3]

This is really a conversation you guys should have had before she moved in 😁

1I would suggest if she doesn’t want to share your home with paying guests she goes out and gets a job which generates an income which enables her to contribute £1400 to the household income.  @Neil408 

Fortunately as you are in a city,  there are quite a few employment opportunities out there in health, care, retail, hospitality etc which she could do.

How is she marketing her photography business to try and generate work? She could look at diversifyIng  into event, PR, commercial photography , etc to try and generate work. 

[Neil408]

I think she;s only ever done wedding photography. I suggested working in a supermarket etc etc and other things 'I don;t want to do that'. 

As for marketing her business, I actually have no idea. 

[Helen3]

Wow...Entitled....much 😞  (the girlfriend not you 🙂

[Anonymous]

@Neil408 How do you think Christine would feel is she stumbled across this forum and saw the way you've depicted her here?

I know it feels unfair that your partner is making demands like these without contributing to the household budget. And it may well turn out that cohabitating is not a good fit for this particular relationship. But talking your partner into accepting things that make her unhappy is not a path to a long-lasting and happy relationship. 

A revolving door of strangers in one's home is not something anyone should have to endure under duress; guests will eventually sense that one of their hosts is bothered by their presence, and they'll feel uncomfortable in turn too. But it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. It's worth having a discussion about what kind of stays your partner might be comfortable with, and set restrictions on your listing to make sure you're only taking those. That could mean blocking off more dates, setting a longer minimum length of stay, only opening up certain days of the week, or getting your partner involved in deciding which requests to accept. 

[Huma0]

@Anonymous 

I totally get your points and good suggestion about switching to longer stays rather than having a revolving door of guests in and out. Also, sure, we are only hearing one side of the story.

However, I assume from @Neil408 's comments that he has already tried talking to his partner and posting here to ask for advice or to simply vent about a seemingly no-win situation. From my own personal experience, people who do not host usually cannot fully understand what it is like to host so that's why it's so useful to come on the CC and hear from others who do understand.

No, hosting is not for everyone. In fact, I think it is not for most people, but @Neil408 has been doing this for several years, before he even me this partner, and she knew about it before moving in. I assume that she has been staying over at his place during this time at least occasionally and it was not a problem then.

Now, when she is not working, during COVID-19 (therefore at home more) and has actually had to get involved in it, helping to change sheets etc. that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Again, I am making a lot of assumptions here but it never ceases to amaze me how many people think hosting is money for nothing and have no idea that it involves time, work and effort, not to mention a lot of patience. But that's life. You want the lifestyle? Then you have to work for it. You don't want to have to work for it? Then be prepared to compromise.

[Anonymous]

@Huma0  "You want the lifestyle? Then you have to work for it. You don't want to have to work for it? Then be prepared to compromise."

Yes, but I would say the same thing about relationships! They're hard work, even in the best of times. And I know first-hand how much strain it can place on a marriage to have strangers occupying your living space. It's not just about the work involved - it's also the sacrifice of privacy and refuge.  

For what it's worth, it's much easier to pause an Airbnb listing than to pause a girlfriend.