I want to be fair & kind to fellow host in a tricky situation

[Sally221]

I used my superhost coupon as part of a booking for spouse's birthday trip. The host is newish but had great reviews. I was looking for a basic & inexpensive space. We got there around 10 pm.The room had one of those oil diffusers with a bunch of sticks in it and an overwhelmingly intense scent. I put the scent thing in  a cabinet and the top comforter and the non pillowcase pillows in the closet and we tried to sleep with shirts over our noses. ( This was a room in a house listing and I didn't want to make a big deal late at night for many reasons) It was a tough night. I was too queasy to eat until the next evening.

 In the morning, after our host had left, we took the sheets, mattress protecterand bed spread to a laundromat and washed them in unscented detergent & after drying them we took them back and spread then in the sun to dry. I took the diffuser and put it on the side of the house but my husband moved it to the corner of the yard as the scent was still so strong we were afraid it would reimpregnate the bedding. I put the dresser scarf in the closet with the extra bedding stuff. I was paranoid that our host would come home and be upset with what we had done so we didn't go on the excursion we had planned & made sure we were back before her so we could make up the bed on the q.t. We didn't use the towels provided as they didn't seem clean and were also very scented. I used my robe to dry off & my husband started to use a towel that was pinned up behind the toilet but changed his mind and used my robe as well. When we left, he forgot to put the oil diffusior back in the room. The host is messaging me about the towel & diffusior. I know we didn't accidentally take the towel & I can't imagine any way the diffuser could have disappeared from the corner of a fenced yard in an isolated spot.

I'm wondering about the value of the great reviews I've gotten as the space had some major tidyness issues even though the reviews were glowing, I don't like the idea of paying for items that didn't leave her property on top of laundromat & soap costs.- leaving out the horrible night of no sleep.  I feel bad about the whole situation, I was going to leave no review and send a private message about why I didn't. I don't really care if I get a bad review as a guest but I don't want to be an *ssh*le guest. Any insights appreciated, Sally

[Emiel1]

@Sally221 

Don't look at the stay as a fellow host. Write down your honest guest experience. Those scenting things are indeed horrible, what is the purpose of such equipment anyway, besides masking other unwanted "odeurs". I would have moved it out of the accommodation also.

[Ana1136]

@Sally221 I am sorry you had a bad experience but as a fellow host you know how important communication is, I am sure you would prefer if a guest had some problem to inform you first rather than trying to fix it himself.  If you had problems with the smell you should have just asked the host to remove the diffuser and provide you with new linen which I am sure he would be more than happy to provide. I can very easily image how a diffusor would disappear from the corner of the yard. That said, you should leave an honest review as he should do the same for you. 

[Sally221]

Dear Ana,  what do you suppose happened to the diffuser? The place is in an isolated location with no foot traffic &  wild/ unimproved land beyond the fence. It isn't something a coyote would mess with. All the linen had the scent, that's why we didn't use the towels. I absolutlely agree communication is key but some situations are inherantly fraught. if I couldn't find a needed item I wouldn't hesitate to bring it up but explaining that II'm finding a room in a host's own home unbearably scented, including the linens & the towels set out for us, especially when the host is working long hours and isn't going to be available to talk to until the end of the day- I wussed out. 

  If our first experience as being guests rather than hosts hadn't been an unqualified success I'm not sure I'd want to book a space in a person's house ever again. If a budget hotel room wasn't cleaned when I got there it wouldn't be so uncomfortable to request someone to clear out dirty tissues from the floor & wipe drifts of dust from the furniture  & get the glops of old grout out of the bathtub. The previous reviews were all great so my review would  be an outlier- as I said, it makes me think a bit differently about our own positive reviews , they seem somewhat random & unearned now.

[Ana1136]

@Sally221 in your first post you didn't explain you booked in such lonely place that no one would walk by that is why I said I can imagine how it disappeared. It is equally comfortable to ask something in a place you pay to be in, no matter if it is a hotel or an Airbnb room. I am sure he has backup linens somewhere else in the house which he could have provided, it is better to get them later and get some sleep and have the next day free then not asking at all, not sleeping and washing and drying the next day all the while being stressed that the host might come. You could have spared both you and the host from the troubles by just communicating. 

[Mark116]

@Sally221  This may be a dumb question, but did you tell the host that you moved the diffuser? 

Maybe they expected it to be where it was and didn't realize it was in the yard. 

I think that scent is a difficult thing, we use linen spray on the beds and cushions shortly before guests arrive, I am very picky about scents, but its certainly possible that some guests don't like it, although no one has ever mentioned it.  Maybe many people love the scent, but you didn't.  

I would certainly never wash all the linen because of scent myself, if it was truly overpowering I'd just say that it feels really over powering, can we open some windows and get a fresh set of sheets?  That seems reasonable, but the host may still  have been annoyed, but still an easier and less time intensive fix than what you did.

I have stayed at one or two places that I could not honestly, even stretching things, give a 5 star review and in all cases except one, where the host was truly a jerk, we did not leave a review and gave only private feedback as we didn't want to harm the hosts business.

[Sally221]

I didn't know the diffuser hadn't been put back, thought my husband had done it as we were leaving- the spare sheets were all stored in the same room & had the same scent it was hella strong- you could smell it 100 feet away- no exaggeration. Tom moved it from the side of the house to the far corner of the back yard because it wa s so strong we were afraid it would restink  the stuff we had washed.  We did open the window first thing when we got there, the host was leaving for work at 6:30 a.m. & it was 10 p.m. when we got there and we went straight up to the bedroom. We really hoped we could make it work that night without causing an issue. The stuff was a glass jar with about a pint of liquid & a dozen or so sticks and the most powerful thing I've ever encountered.  In hind sight we should have left in the morning & checked into a hotel . I could have taken pictures of the cleanliness issues but I did not want to be that guest.   Now I'm probably going to be the guest who has to pay $20 -25 bucks to replace the **bleep** thing but what critter could possibly have taken it? The yard is sand and a few rocks and the road is a dirt one a mile or so out of town in the desert so there are no passers by!

[Ana1136]

@Sally221 still, why not ask the host, how do you know that those are all the linens he has, for example I store linens at 4 different places in my house and none of my guests know that because there is no reason for them to be informed about such things. Also, as Airbnb hosts you know that Airbnb first encourages the hosts to fix the problems the guests have and if they are nit able to do so, they cancel the reservation and help relocate the guests. If it was so dirty you have every right to take pictures because you paid for a clean room the same as the host has every right to ask for a recompensation for the things you lost because you didn't want to simply contact him to remove them. 

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Sally221 

I can relate..... Henry is extremely sensitive to scents and will often gag when he gets a whiff of someone's strong cologne/perfume. My mom is the same as well. 

With that said..... I think it would have been better if you had communicated this to the host, if not at night at least first thing in morning of the next day. You could have just asked the host to please remove all the diffusers immediately and would it be possible to run the sheets/towels in the wash with no detergent, just water & vinegar and also air the room, ask for a box fan? 

Imo, if a guest removes something from the room/home, as a host, I'd expect them to either put it back before leaving or at least inform me that it was removed and placed elsewhere (and I'd want to know where exactly). By trying to fix the problems on your own without notifying or communicating with the host I think you made the situation worse for yourself, and regardless of how isolated the yard was, fact is you are the one who removed the diffuser and you are the one who lost it, so I think the "you lose it, you pay for it" rule should apply here. But I do understand from where you stand, it's frustrating and upsetting and just plain maddening to have to pay to replace the diffuser which was the root of all evil that messed up the birthday trip. 

With regards to your review........I think you owe it to yourself and to other potential guests to be honest but you can still be fair and kind. You should mention the diffuser and the strong scent - that you understand it's a matter of personal preference. Maybe pro-actively mention (publicly) that you removed the diffuser from the room and apologize for forgetting to put it back? Say a few nice things..... the location was quiet and house was lovely and as described but unfortunately the overpowering scent on all the fabrics made it hard to relax and enjoy yourselves. And you can low-rate their cleanliness accordingly. 

[Sally221]

Yeah, I feel on the hook to replace the thing, I didn't realize Tom hadn't put it back until it was too late  The host was working long hours & I didn't want to ask her to do several loads of wash after she got home, we used the biggest machine at the laundromat and 5 dryers to speed up the dry time.  The whole situation was uncomfortable as the room was pretty funky - freshly  made bed even if with  reeking  sheets but used tissues on the floor and dust bunnies on the cluttered dresser. I wish we'd stayed in a hotel, it is demoralizing to experience the down side of being a guest, if great reviews aren't a reliable indicator of at least an adequate place to sleep  then an impersonal hotel is easier to hold accountable without feeling like a rat. I'm afraid Tom will be furious when a glass bottle filled with vile fluid  and sticks ends up costing who knows how much. It was a learning experience, Sally