When my children were much younger, I had several live-in nannies. Two nannies fit the profile of being female, single and religious in their church.
One nanny began seeing a young man but for some reason, I felt so uncomfortable and annoyed near his presence (he never stepped foot into the house) but couldn’t figure out why, after all she had gone out with other guys. After some googling, I understood why I was feeling that way, the first page of the results showed he was arrested for sexual assault. This nanny was with us for a year when that drama escalated and she wasn’t going to stop seeing him. We just couldn’t trust a man with that sort of history and possible access to the kids through her so we kicked her out. Another nanny within two months into the job left my girls alone at home with a man we never knew or met so she could go out shopping. Kicked her out.
What I want to explain from sharing this experience is that being female and religious, my experience is NO indicator of whether the person is a safe and/or considerate person in your home.
Were there red flags before hiring them, looking back YES! One red flag is not being able to tell a straight story about their background and experience. When you are hosting on AirBnb, a red flag from a guest is not telling you about their plans for visiting the area. The other red flag is they seem more “taking” than “giving”. Meaning they ask way too many questions before booking or come off strong with “What’s in it for me?”. Last red flag is WAAAY too many selfies on their social media if you can find it. Think long and hard why a person would spend forever posting and updating selfies: they are lonely, selfish and bored. People you don’t want to be around with.
The idea of hosting a single guy is scary “He’s gonna attack me at night” but it’s important for all hosts to understand that single female guests are not without their risks. The risk being they invite strange men they just met on Tinder into your home which includes passing your address to them. Many times, my husband is traveling for weeks so he cannot be there when I host. You should not host male guests if you do not want to, but do not assume that single females and straight couples are without risks. Every one is a stranger.
When it comes to hosting on AirBnb or hiring a nanny for little ones, Always ask yourself if you feel *comfortable* with this person, if you are not, then don’t host them or don’t hire them. Never allow people in your home you are not comfortable with; male or female. I am FIRM BELIEVER IN WOMEN’S INTUITION, ESPECIALLY MOTHER’S INTUITION; IT IS ALWAYS SPOT ON.
If you have ANY concern about an upcoming reservation, you must Facetime them ASAP after booking so that they have the opportunity to cancel penalty free and find a better match for themselves on AirBnb and you have a better idea of whom you’re about to deal with in person. Have a real conversation face to face because you’re going to be potentially meeting and talking to them anyway. If they refuse to Facetime they have something to hide and you know enough already at that point not to host them and possibly report to Airbnb.
During Facetime:
- Don't leave anything out that may be a problem later for your guest.
- Ask whether they used AirBnb before
- Ask about their plans and why are they are interested booking your room.
- Be tough. Decent male guests understand where you are coming from, they care about their moms, wives, sisters, and daughters; they don’t want the women in their lives alone with a bed intruder. Let all upcoming solo male guests know what you will not put up with: unwanted advances, mooching around house all day with no plans, unwanted visitors, coming home drunk etc ---let them know you will resort to action immediately of unacceptable behavior. Decent men are not going to get offended at you telling them that. Some will cancel their reservation after talking to them and that is fine, you should not be upset about that!
Things I do to mitigate guests who are a poor fit:
(1) Vet their plans. Guests must have plans to be out and about during their stay in our home. In my area, when it comes to hosting males: if he’s skiing all day and every day during his stay, I am more inclined to accept a male guest. A male guest who’s “winging it” with his plans, no. Same for women.
(2) Do short term stays of a week or less to weed out squatters. Short terms are more respectful and take less liberties in your home.
(3) Higher base rates. A challenge if you are new to hosting but never ever sell yourself short. Rather have no bookings over the wrong people in my home any day
