For all Exasperated Hosts Everywhere a little ditty -

[Gillian120]

An Ode to Airbnb

Proud homeowners list their guest suite on Airbnb

A way for extra income how happy they will be

Providing a warm welcome, toys, games a beautiful yard for all to see

Guests would arrive and love their home, just like you and me

Hosts diligently clean polish and wash on every changeover day

as extra costs for a cleaner guests simply would not want to pay

They send out welcome messages with info on what's on and what to bring

Wanting guests to enjoy their stay and don’t miss a thing

Years on and guests find they now have the power

to complain in reviews about everything such as a bit of fluff on top of the shower

Hosts cower in fright to see what guests will have posted

Such ‘awful’ things such as a harmless spider they found in the bath and noted

Only 3 stars for communication “They should be open 24/7

; They did not respond to my night call and it was only half-past Eleven!”

Just 4 stars for accuracy as a guest said no barbecue

“What do you mean it was on the patio just behind you”?

Crikey only two stars for the location as it was not near transportation

“Why not look at the map before booking to see you would need a car to get to the station?”

Or

“Only one bathroom and a small kitchen to cook”

“These were shown in the pictures and description so why did you book?

Could it be because they were the cheapest rate and you did not bother to look?

Informed guests are always appreciative and knowing

That they did not book a 5* hotel but a much-loved home to keep a families income flowing

They know that a hotel suite that may not be as nice

Would be over double the price

And inform the host if there is something they need or should be aware

Instead of posting negative reviews which make the host's totally despair

Why do they share their home when guests can be so critical

Cause listening to the children playing and guests enjoying the pool

Is the best reward for any good host and makes up for it all

By Anonymous Airbnb Host

[Melisa8]

YES! EXACTLY THIS! I have a RUSTIC (did I mention “rustic”?) cabin in the middle of the woods. I am charging LESS now than when I first listed in 2005 despite having spent over 20k since then on improvements and amenities as well as remodeling and adding extra sleeping. I charge $325 for 8 people plus a $150 cleaning fee that goes 100% to my cleaner. We sleep 15. I charge $15/guest per night  after 8 guests. For a full house of 15 that’s less than $33 A PERSON!!!!!  

Again- RUSTIC CABIN—I cannot be clearer in my description- I state that while a rustic cabin sounds like a nice getaway around a wood-burning fireplace sipping on hot cocoa and wrapping yourself in a blanket to get all cozy- it’s still a cabin in the woods and with that comes bugs, field mice, squirrels, SPIDERS, raccoons, more bugs, flying bugs, maybe a mountain lion. I had one guest 2 years ago leave me a crappy review because he didn’t realize that the basement room with bonus sleeping had exposed plumbing. It says “basement room!” Left me 3 stars. He stayed over a holiday and brought extra guests for which I didn’t charge because I was being nice. He complained about the value. 3 stars! Are you kidding- at $67 a person for the entire weekend that’s a STEAL! You can’t even stay at a hostile for that!!!!! Dropped my rating and lost my superhost status. I didn’t notice he had left the review and by the time I did it was too late to post a response. That’s on me. That was 2017. This past year I had another group of 15 got $275/n for 15 based on that annoying eBay like price bidding war they got us all signed up for- Smart Pricing. They paid $23/n per guest and I don’t charge for all their kids. He found a dead field mouse downstairs. They get in when the downstairs door is left open BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE BLOODY WOODS! They get in but can’t get out and I have bait in hidden unexposed corners of the downstairs. They eat it and die. They rarely get in. I explained the situation (that is also disclosed all over my listing and in the manual) and asked him to flush it down the toilet. He had never touched a dead mouse. I checked in with him several times and he said everything was great and thanks so much! He checks out and leaves me a nice public review but gave me 3 stars for VALUE (are you kidding me dude you had over 20 people there including the kids and you paid $700 total for your whole weekend!!!!!!) and then gave me 3 stars for cleanliness claiming that there was an issue he had to escalate to get a result. What?!!!  He called me and I answered and explained that field mice get in. It’s not like a rat from the city. It’s a field mouse because IT IS A RUSTIC CABIN IN THE WOODS!!!!!  I lost my Superhost status as a result. I even called Airbnb and demanded they call him and ask him if he intended to leave me 3. He said he did. So I messaged him back explaining that his review cost me my superhost status and that at no time during his stay did he complain other than the mouse which he seemed understanding about at the time. 

I find that people want  to leave a review when something goes wrong to have  platform to complain vs giving a host compliments for, as you say, opening up their house that they love. By sharing my house I am sharing a part of me and my life that I want others to enjoy. Sure it helps pay the mortgage but there is nothing better than hearing a guest has made fond memories as a result of staying at your place. 

And i am disappointed that Airbnb does not do more to protect their homeowners. If it weren’t for our homes they wouldn’t have a listing to make money off of. There are other sites that also do vacation rentals. I would I expect a little more of a positive response from a company that literally makes their money off the backs of people like us who rent out their homes. I’ve actually left several feedback comments on this urging them to educate their guests and have guest etiquette. 

One guy over Labor Day even brought his own refrigerator thermometer, cranked my fridge to freeze mode, froze my fridge then demanded I get him a new fridge ASAP bc he paid for a working fridge dammit and he expect one! It was Saturday night on Labor Day weekend. Even if I could order one, no company is going to drive up on hour up into a mountain at 4000 ft elevation on a holiday. 🙄 I told him to put the temp back to the setting he found it and it will all be fine. It was. I think he was too embarrassed to leave any review. Thank God for small wonders. 

[Max144]

I just love that ditty,

I had guests that lost their keys so opened the door and wondered why there was 2 towels at the bottom, so looked up and there was a bong and smoking apparatus on bedside table as he was a nasty big bloke I had to grit my teeth and couldn't wait till they moved out, plus they left a mess.

Thankfully the lovely guests make up for the odd rotten apple.