mini-rant about current guest

mini-rant about current guest

We have a single occupancy private guest room in our home and majority of our guests have been exchange students for an entire semester. We allow kitchen use and while there has been different levels of cleanliness, nothing we couldn't live with or tolerate for 4 months. But our current guest is really pushing us to the limit.... she does things that are considered a safety hazard even though we've asked and reminded her NOT to, and just simply disregards basic hygiene and common courtesy. 

 

All we ask of guests is to clean up after themselves after using the kitchen and respect the fact that shared spaces are SHARED. We don't mind if they cook meals like they would at home, as long as they clean up and do the dishes. We make it clear we are their hosts, and our job doesn't include cleaning up/picking up after their messes, so if they don't like kitchen cleanup, they can always get take out or eat out. Like many typical Korean homes, we don't have an oven or a dishwasher - this is clear in our listing description.

 

Our current guest has been with us for about 6 weeks now.... and is really driving me and Henry crazy.

 

She keeps storing her leftovers in the microwave (making the microwave stink) or leaves a plate of half-eaten food out in the open, on the kitchen counter.  

She puts metal or aluminum dishes/containers/cutlery in the microwave - we told her this could break it or even cause sparks and start a fire so DON'T! We've had to remind her 4 times already. We even once found a plate of chicken and rice leftovers with the knife and fork together IN the microwave which was presumably sitting in there for about 10 hrs. 

She never wipes any of the sauce drips or splatters from the counter tops or stove top. 

She never wipes the table after eating her meals - she leaves drips and crumbs from her meals as-is on the table. 

She never does her dishes promptly..... always piles up 2 or 3 days worth and does them all at once just about when Henry is on the verge of complaining that we are running out of clean dishes and pots and pans. - In week 3, we asked that dirty dishes are washed and cleared from the sink AT LEAST once a day since the kitchen is SHARED and that nothing should be left in there for longer than a day. It's gotten a little better. 

She leaves her personal stuff (mostly books and notes) all over the place - on the sofa, on the coffee table, in front of our front door, in the hallway, on the kitchen counter. 

She leaves used napkins/Kleenex laying around on the sofa, on the table, on the floor. 

She (used to) have really really loud and noisy conversations at the kitchen table or while in shared spaces. It happened once at midnight during week 2 so I told her to keep all phone conversations in her room and regardless of day or night and reminded her of quiet time. Overall noise level improved for a while then Henry had to remind her to be quiet again last week at 11pm.  

She leaves her laundry (that is dry) on the drying racks for days on end.... until we tell her we need to use the drying rack for our own laundry and to please clear her stuff. 

She uses generous HEAPINGS of the cooking oil and condiments we provide. 

She keeps asking us to print stuff out for her, even though we've explained very clearly the printer is for our personal use and not for guests. It's not a lot of pages, but it's clear she assumes she can just take advantage of our home printer. 

We paid for some things she needed to order online the first 2 weeks and she told us it would take another week or so to open a local bank account to make cash withdrawals without having to pay an exorbitant fee. It's pretty clear her account issues are resolved, but she keeps "forgetting" to pay us back every time we remind her - we've reminded her 3 times already. (She clearly has money..... she goes out to meet friends and seems to do a lot of shopping. She's just really dragging her feet about paying us back.) 

Overall, she's a slob and really lazy. She puts off doing stuff till the last minute then comes to Henry or me asking for help. 

She leaves half-eaten energy bars or bags of chips in the guest room, on the desk or a shelf. 

We make it clear we give guests 1 shelf each in the fridge and freezer. Right now, our guest has taken over 3 shelves in the fridge, 2 shelves in the freezer and the guest pantry shelf is chock full. 

Guest bath sink is totally disgusting - covered in soap scum, toothpaste globs and makeup residue. 

 

Henry has become afraid of letting the guest be home alone in our home - says the moment we let our guard down, she' probably start a fire in the kitchen or break something. Still 2.5 months till the semester ends and she checks out..... sigh~

 

It's like she hasn't been house trained..... at all. 

29 Replies 29
Clara116
Level 10
Pensacola, FL

@Jessica-and-Henry0  Oh my, you have your hands full. OK, from reading your post - You guys have created a little dangerous monster. What You Permit You Promote. Do Not allow the behavior. These kind of people will keep being slobs, Not Pay You Money owed, overuse, just be the worst kind of guests IF you keep tolerating it.

My suggestion right NOW; sit down and have a heart to heart or as we say here in the USA Come to Jesus talk.. They have to abide by your rules - All of them....Or they have to find a new place. Of course you have to be willing to back this up.  You are too nice to this person. They know they can do as they please.

The behavior will not get better and if you now don't feel safe that your house will get burned down. You guys can do this. 

I understand conflict is not easy BUT you have allowed dishes in the sink for days??? You have to unfortunately turn into tough guys for a couple weeks and stand behind it and the guest will get the drift.

Keep me posted....I hate this for you. All this is part of why I could never host in my home.....we have a cottage out back.

Good luck, Best to you, Clara

 

@Clara116 

We've actually had "the talk" about our expectations in week 3 and 4...... although we did not say anything about ".....or else you need to find a new place" because I don't want to sound like I'm threatening her in any way. While there has been *some* improvement after each talk (so many things we needed to address I decided to take a 2-step approach), it's quite clear her parents did not teach her ANY manners at all. 

We really hate that we need to be nitpicky and strict about very basic things to get her to behave. 

Thanks for your comments 🙂 I think I needed to hear someone else tell me what I already know. 

Branka-and-Silvia0
Level 10
Zagreb, Croatia

@Jessica-and-Henry0 

jesus, I would throw her out the same day 😄

@Branka-and-Silvia0 

Believe me..... it was seriously considered 🙂 

Chris232
Level 10
Petersfield, United Kingdom

@Jessica-and-Henry0 

You have both been incredibly patient, You need to sort this out now before it gets any worse. (which it will if nothing is done)

You need to read them the riot act and one more infringement they are out

 

With my Long term guests = 3 strikes and they are out.

 

@Chris232 

The thing is..... it has gotten better somewhat over the past month. Henry and I both feel she's not mean-spirited or purposely breaking rules. She's just a complete and total slob, really really lazy, a tad bit selfish and self-absorbed, and her parents did a terrible job of teaching her any manners or house-training her. We see hints of passive aggressive behavior but overall she seems to try to be friendly and polite to us.

 

Henry and I both have younger sisters and cousins so we know the type. Sigh~

 

We got a total lemon of a guest. 

Paul154
Level 10
Seattle, WA

@Jessica-and-Henry0 

God bless you. Housing students is not for everyone. 

The rewards are high. You can actually see them bloom. They are away for class alot and study quietly a lot. You can also mold them to follow house rules.

On the other hand, there are risks. They may be unstable. Home sick. Depressed. Often poorly trained.

 

I know you are  conscientious hosts. Sit this guest down and have "the talk".  If she doesn't keep the kitchen clean, she won't be allowed to use the kitchen.  Be nice, be firm.

@Paul154 

Yup. We actually did say that if the food left overnight in microwave or metal in microwave happens again we will have no choice but to not allow microwave use due to safety and hygiene concerns.

Henry has really high standards for kitchen cleanliness but we've learned to let certain things go 🙂 Plus, most of our guests till now were quick to notice how Henry does things and gradually follow his lead so we never felt the need to pounce on every single thing the guest does wrong from day 1.

The 1st month she was home a lot, except for classes. As we enter month 2 she is going out more.... which is a relief. 

 

Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

@Jessica-and-Henry0  Wow, if you and Henry can't get this girl to comply after all your experience and skills hosting students, I doubt there's much that can be done apart from telling her that due to her disrespect for everything you have asked, all of which is just normal expectations, she needs to look for another place and cancel the rest of her stay with you. And if she isn't willing to do that, you'd have to decide if you can put up with this for another 2 and a half months or it's worth losing your Superhost status over to cancel her yourself. 

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd start by writing her a message, saying you don't understand why she simply ignores your instructions on tidying up after herself and proper food storage, that you've never had any other guests behave so disrespectfully, but that if she chooses not to comply, starting today, she can simply no longer stay.

Obviously Mommy's been cleaning up after her forever or her family has a maid.

@Sarah977 

Henry and I were actually saying we've gotten soft and spoiled and complacent by the recent run of great guests 🙂 

 

I told Henry if he wants the guest out, I will handle the communication to the guest and with Airbnb so to just say the word. There has been *some* improvement... but not quite enough to put us at ease or make us feel better. We'll have to see. 

@Jessica-and-Henry0  I can imagine that Henry's vibe right about now is one of those "You could cut the air with a knife it's so thick". That she's oblivious to it is part of her syndrome.

Kelly149
Level 10
Austin, TX

@Jessica-and-Henry0 I've missed seeing you!!  & so sorry you've gotten a bad egg!!

 

Several thoughts:

- clearly money isn't the issue, someone has probably been paid to clean up after this gal... So "it looks like cleaning up after youself isn't working for YOU, we sooo want YOU to have a great stay, so we're happy to provide cleaning service for you. It will cost $xxxxx, this will be paid in advance."

 

- or just start with the "this isn't working, you have until xxx day to pack up and be gone"

 

- for the things being where they shouldn't, you need a basket system. As in there is a basket and all her stuff gets chucked into in and deposited in her room. You're not sorting, you're not folding, it just goes in the basket: tissues, dry laundry, books, papers, whatever...

 

- in the kitchen, stuff starts going in the TRASH: old food in microwave - Trash, things out on the counter - Trash. Trash, trash, trash...

 

-y'all have strict trash rules?? Would it be difficult for you to give her paper plates and disposable utensils? Sorry, since you aren't keeping up with dishes, you get to use these...

 

- I know you have a great listing: print it out, have the talk and then keep to every last thing...

Sorry, no, you can't have more than the one shelf

Sorry, no, we don't print

Excuse me, quiet hours, now

Go to the kitchen and clean your mess now

Sorry, you used up this month's supply of oil, you'll need to buy the next bottle

Go clean the gunk in the bathroom....

 

You wanted housemate, but got child. Good news is that you can either say goodbye to the child or enter Parent mode and tell her how it is

 

Good luck!!!

 

 

Edited to add: and tell her to pay you now! You owe us xxxx, I'll expect it in cash by the time you next come home.

@Kelly149 

Yup.... the cash thing I will handle when I get home this Friday. Henry said he was just so irritated by her these past few days he didn't trust himself to have a civil conversation. 

 

We already have the *basket* system for stuff laying around and *in the trash* system for food left out. The annoying thing is.... she sees nothing wrong with leaving stuff around and us putting it all in a basket in her room, or throwing her food away. She's completely fine with it, doesn't care if we throw her leftover food away and doesn't seem to *get* what she's doing wrong.  

 

We did have the talk and went through the house rules and explained our expectations. There was *some* improvement..... but unfortunately not enough. 

@Jessica-and-Henry0 Yep,  you & Henry were raised better so you know every single one of these things is WRONG. The problem is that she wasn’t so she doesn’t even SEE it. (I’m going with the most generous view here! but even if she does know better the advice remains the same)

and since YOU know it’s wrong and she keeps doing it, you feel bad to keep correcting her. BUT you need to go to Toddler-mode/Train the Puppy-mode: she hasn't learned yet it’s wrong, so she can’t feel bad and can’t change until that happens. So EVERY TIME, even in a syrupy nursery school teacher voice, “Dear One, go clean the kitchen.” 
No please, No thank you, it isn’t a request. Just Go. If there’s ever ANY pushback, this can be followed with “of course you’re welcome to choose to live elsewhere if you like”. Smile. No upset. No judgment. The Thing Just Must Be Done. 

and then you begin with the simplest of praises. “Look at you! You put your papers away today! Thank you!” Hope for incremental change and don’t put up with nonsense. 

 

you are in Puppy Training Zone. You can Do It!! It can be freeing if you stop thinking of what she “should” be doing and stop expending mental energy on feeling bad about having standards. Nope. You have standards. No explanation. No apologies. All simple declarative statements. 


**the toddlers & the puppies can smell fear and indecision, they use it against us. Be a brick wall. She cares nothing of your feelings or any inconvenience; you must become the same!!


(5 children & too many pets live here... this is hard won advice. Good luck Henry!!)