Uncomfortable with current guests

[Amoreena2]

I am uncomfortable with my current guests in my shared space. It was mostly personality differences, but they just had sex in a common area of my home while I was clearly still awake. I am considering asking them to leave before their reservation ends in a few days. Unclear what the best options are. I don’t have a written rule about sex in the common areas because it never even occurred to me. 

[Kate867]

@Amoreena2   If it is only a few more days before they are due to leave then personally I would just try to ‘tough’ it out rather than deal with the potential issues if you cancel their reservation followed by the inevitable bad review.  With regards to their behaviour and the behaviour of future guests I don’t think you need to mention ‘sex in common areas is not permitted’ within your listing.  Common courtesy and decent behaviour should be an absolute ‘given’ in shared spaces but moving forward perhaps mention that guests must respect your home and each other particularly within shared spaces.

[Anonymous]

@Amoreena2  Waiting it out is the easiest option by far, if the guests aren't making you feel unsafe or physically damaging the home. There's no uncomplicated way to cancel a booking in progress.

But sex in the common areas is definitely inconsiderate, and if there's an escalating pattern of inappropriate behavior you want to nip it in the bud. So one thing you could do is prepare a booking alteration request and propose to the guests that they advance their checkout and take a refund for unused nights so that they can complete their romantic holiday somewhere with more privacy. There's no need to beat around the bush about what you witnessed, if they were brazen enough to do it, and even if they prefer to complete their stay it should be clear that your boundaries need to be respected. 

[Helen3]

I agree with @Anonymous  @Amoreena2  I would say it seems clear that they would be more comfortable in a whole listing to be able to accommodate their needs for how they want to use communal areas.

Suggest you'd be happy to offer to accept an amendment to the booking so they can leave today and find somewhere more suitable in a whole listing. 

[Amoreena2]

I made the offer to refund the unused days. They didn’t take me up on the offer, but were in their best behavior after that. I don’t think I need to worry about a bad review as one of the major red flag was that the booking guest would only communicate with me through texts to my private cell because he “couldn’t access his account while traveling”. Both guests were also heavy drinkers…appeared intoxicated at check in and throughout the stay which I think caused the general discomfort and lack of respecting social norms; they seem to expect me to seamlessly join their party as an amenity to their trip. So I’ve added some language in my rules about being mindful that the host is a non-drinker and alcohol is allowed, but it is preferred guests not be highly intoxicated throughout their stay in this shared space and especially not at check in.  

[Anonymous]

@Amoreena2  It's a common reflex to add a new rule to the list when an unexpected problem comes up, but rules like this one just don't work. Guests only read the House Rules when they book, if they read them at all, and it's impossible for a stranger to know where you personally draw the line between moderate and "intoxicated."  It's one thing to convey your personal discomfort around heavy drinking, but when hosts try to micromanage guests' consumption habits, it only comes off as meddlesome.

You might try adding more detail about the degree of interactivity your guests can expect during their stay. Your listing puts a lot of emphasis on privacy, and it almost sounds like you're just a ghost in the house ("I'll mostly be out of sight"), but the guests who this appeals to most are the ones who would be best off choosing an Entire Home listing instead of a homestay. It's easy to see how the current guests felt they didn't have to consider whether their shenanigans would make you uncomfortable.

[Amoreena2]

“I’ll mostly be out of sight” was a preset option provided by Airbnb. My listing is very affordable for the area and the vast majority of my guests are younger couples or solo travelers looking for an affordable place to sleep while they vacation to this area that has a ton of outdoor tourism activities and who are happy with the autonomy. (They have their own living room and bathroom with just a shared kitchen.) 

The heavy drinking has come up with one other guest in the past which is why I decided to add it after this most recent guest. If I find bookings plummet, I’ll consider taking it down, but honestly I’d rather err on the side of discouraging potential guests who are worried about being able to drink enough. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d say 80% of my guests don’t drink at all. 

[Amoreena2]

I guess what I’m saying by bringing up the price is that if someone who should get a private space is intrigued by the lower than average price (which I want to keep low to make travel accessible) when they see the rules, they will rethink if a micromanaging host is worth the savings. 

The alternative of raising the price isn’t something I’m willing to do and I don’t think it would solve anything. The other guests who drank way too much and made me uncomfortable were parents of a student at the local Ivy League college. I find my wealthier guests tend to be more difficult than my lower income guests almost universally. 

[Anonymous]

@Amoreena2   I don't know whether the comment on heavy drinking will deter bookings, but what I can tell you for sure is that the problem-drinkers you hope to avoid won't think it applies to them. 

The main issue I see here is that what your listing offers is somewhat at odds with what you want from your guests. Sharing living space with someone is a very intimate thing, and you're probably much happier with guests who appreciate and respect that. But your listing kind of oversells that "private" aspect, makes it sound like you as a human host aren't going to be part of the guests' experience at all. It just doesn't add up - you can't offer all this privacy and autonomy when you're actually hovering in the background feeling bothered by guests' demeanor. 

What I'd suggest instead is under-promising and over-delivering on the privacy aspect. There are plenty of lovely budget travelers out there who appreciate what an honor it is to be welcomed into someone's home and behave accordingly; you can do without the ones who want more privacy than they're willing to pay for.

[Amoreena2]

I see what you’re saying. I’ll make some changes with that in mind! Thanks! 

[Amoreena2]

I made a few minor changes, but I’d be open to any more suggestions you might have. I appreciate your time you took to look over my listing and your insights! 

[Anonymous]

@Amoreena2 It looks to me like you found a good balance with those changes, between detailing how much space you're treating the guests to and making clear that you're also there in the household. The House Rules feel more reasonable and welcoming without the alcohol stuff in there. 

Based on your supportive mentions of LGBTQ and BLM (no hashtags needed), I think most guests will have a pretty good idea of where you stand on the political spectrum. But it wouldn't hurt to have a couple more sentences in your bio to give guests more of a feel for your lifestyle and passions, so they can imagine how sharing a home with you might be a memorable part of their adventure. It doesn't mean you have to party with your guests all the time, but I find that for the best homestay guests, the human connection is much more important than the real estate they're crashing in. The guests who book your lovely home especially because they feel you'd be a nice person to chat with over a cup of tea after their hike to Buttermilk Falls (love that name) are going to be perfect guests who definitely won't boink in your kitchen.

One more thing:  when I made my dog into the star of my listing, the quality of guests went through the roof. You can see from the reviews, my last couple years' worth of guests felt like my canine co-host was the highlight of their trip to Berlin. So if your dogs are friendly with guests, do not hesitate to feature them more in the photos and descriptions. 

[Amoreena2]

I feel like you should be charging a consultation fee! I think adding that kind of information would be super helpful and may even allow me to turn my instant book back on! The first two guests I had with instant book were such a bad fit that I immediately turned it off. 

So here’s the crux of my hosting style that I’ve never been sure how to articulate on my profile - and there is a contradiction, as you’ve noticed. The second floor of my house is *my* living space with my own living room, dining room, bedroom and bathroom. There is a locked door at the bottom of the stairs (that door is in their guest living room) so I have total privacy and safe keeping of anything I don’t want guests to access.

The guests have a small bedroom with a locked door (keys provided). We share the kitchen/dining room and their private bathroom is on the other side of the kitchen. The downstairs of the house is packed with as many amenities as I can think of and all the drawers and cabinets are labeled which guests love and it’s my way of saying (please use all of this! It’s for you!) 

 
I do cook myself dinner most nights, so I will be in a common area to cook and wash my dishes, but I eat upstairs, and other than some polite small talk and local suggestions (I also have a visitor center’s worth of brochures, books, and current events newspapers displayed) I prefer to have my alone time upstairs. 

I know that some guests have an expectation of a built in friend and local to spend evenings with them providing company and social entertainment. I cannot find a profile friendly way to say I am a pretty introverted and I’m not that. And I have ended up in a few situations where guests seem genuinely hurt or offended I don’t want to watch television or eat meals with them. 

Tl;dr: my stay is jam packed with material comforts and amenities, but not an extroverted host.

[Anonymous]

@Amoreena2   

"my stay is jam packed with material comforts and amenities, but not an extroverted host."

That is actually a great sentence to put in the listing! If guests arrive already knowing you're pretty introverted, they're less likely to take it personally when you choose to keep to yourself. Another way to put it: "I'm usually doing my own thing when I'm home, so this homestay is ideally suited to independent and active travelers who are happy to look after themselves."  There are plenty of guests who prefer this hosting style over the more sociable/extroverted version. 

[Amoreena2]

Thanks so much! This has been very helpful! I may give instant book another shot with this language!