YIKES! What the hell should I do???

[Laura2592]

So...as I have posted, we have a lovely vacation condo in an old mansion in New Orleans. The neighbors downstairs are ABB hosts. My father in law bought the unit behind ours last year (surprise!) He is retired and stays there for several months throughout the year. We rely on him to keep an eye on all the places because he is there the most often. We visit about once a month/once every other month these days.

Neighbor with the ABB shares a porch with me-- our unit is directly above and we have a street facing balcony. The entrance to the building can be used by all, but only my unit NEEDS to use that entrance-- all the others have an additional side or back door. Neighbor has an electronic lock set up on her ABB side door. So really no one needs to be on the porch if we are not there unless its an ABB guest. Last night we got dozens of videos of a very drug addicted woman who has been ringing my neighbor's Ring over and over in the past several weeks and hanging out on the porch. This has been disturbing her guests. Turns out, FIL has been using this woman for "hook ups" and invited her to stay with him for several days at a time (he ADMITTED this and said "yeah, she is a meth head, but so what?") So now she's hanging out on the porch pretty often trying to get in. FIL has not been at the condo since the beginning of Aug-- meth head lady was there as recently as yesterday evening. We don't know if she is getting inside or not.

FIL has blamed everyone but himself for this-- he is always a pill but this is a new level. Apparently its the neighbor's fault for having rocking chairs on the porch? He has put the whole building at risk. Worst of all, my husband gave him an emergency key to our place. We have cameras inside and have not seen anything disturbed. Still, this is an awful situation. I have to fly down and try to see if this person is squatting etc. The neighbors are very nice, but also really frustrated. They have been trying to get FIL to stop having this person ring their doorbell at all hours. Their guests are also freaked out as the woman does not seem stable. My husband is the newly elected condo president. He informed everyone about this situation and to take extra precautions. He is not speaking to his father.

Where would you even start with this???

[Laura2592]

@Mark116 I am. I have the upstairs front unit with a bird's eye view of most of the building and street. I was not in any physical proximity to this person when I told her not to stay on the grounds. I have some heavy chain locks for our gates that I can use at night. 

I would approach buying FIL out but he's being very irrational. This has completely fractured his relationship with his son. He's always been a macho PITA but this is a new twist on his behavior-- so much so that we wonder if there is some cognitive involvement. The building is ABB and part time residents, so its hard to keep an eye on the place-- he was here more than the rest of us, but he obviously can't be relied upon. I think I will have to try and work out how to spend more time here until this blows over. I can work from home, so that is definitely a possibilty.

[Helen744]

@Laura2592 
I think looking at this woman she needs a load of help .A lot of homeless people can tend to hang around Airbnbs sometimes, I think on the off chance of breaking in and the media do us no favours or tenants unions ,but attribute homelessness to Airbnb owners . Your FIL sounds like he did let her stay and encouraged her and now he does not want to know. Good Luck  H

[Mark116]

@Laura2592   A lot of people double down when they are caught misbehaving.  From the little you have shared it sounds more likely this is what is happening and not a cognitive issue.  Your FIL was hanging out with an unstable drug addict, even encouraging her to stay at the property when he wasn't around, and due to the other tenants being mostly part time, this went on for some time.  Now, it has spun out of control. 

He might, even if he never admits it [even to himself] be relieved to be rid of his unit in the house and this problem.  

[Laura2592]

Just an update for everyone who is following this story.

The building is now fully secured. New locks on our condo, the back courtyard (that the vandal had a lock to) the parking gate and the broken lock on the iron fence gate was totally rebuilt and new keys made. Mailbox (with a lock) is on the fence instead of by the front door. Additional cameras being installed.

I boarded the door up and made signs about the glass, but finally got a handy man to do a professional job and paint it so that it looks less crazy. Got two quotes for glass. Waiting on a third.

The vandal has not been by again so far. This weekend was a big test because we had guests going into my neighbor's ABB and were not sure how diligent they would be about locking the gate. So far, so good, Vandalism in the neighborhood also seems to have halted. Neighbors a few doors down reported 3 out of four chairs being stolen by a woman matching this person's description-- they had guests (they are also an ABB) who confronted her, and she threw a bottle of liquid at them and ran away.

My FiL who unleashed this on the entire neighborhood has so far refused to take responsibility. During our long and contentious condo meeting he agreed to pay for the door glass but then backtracked. He is calling the neighbors sounding disoriented (he agreed to let a neighbor move his car...for some reason he left his keys with this dude) and complaining about everyone being mad at him/not his fault/this woman apparently went crazy for his virile manhood and would not leave (yes, you can throw up a little. I did.) My husband refuses to speak to him unless he has to about condo business. FIL got a formal warning -- the one and only he gets-- before eviction hearings can start. My hope is that he is too cowardly to show up for a while and we have some well-earned peace.

[Helen744]

@Laura2592 Not to give you life advice but dealing with this obviously out of control situation is not a reason to break up your own family, or ditch grandad. Try and separate the two issues because as they say ' you can choose your friends but not your relatives ." H

[Laura2592]

@Helen3  this estrangement is a long time coming and very much earned. The proverbial  straw. It's my husband's choice and I certainly support him. Toxic people, relatives or not, don't get to ruin other people's lives, period. 

[Frances3408]

@Laura2592Your FIL reminds me of an older version of a  former young tenant we rented a granny flat to. Parents only lived 20 mins away but were happy to pay his rent rather than have him live with them. Was fine at first but over time got in with the wrong sort he took drugs and neighbours complained, things got stolen/damaged, and cars broken into but his dad just kept coming around to fix it all up. In the end we said we wouldnt be renewing his lease and suggested to parents if they wanted to move early we would waive break fees. We even sent some rental listing suggestions. Anyway he moved the next week. I am wondering like others if you could buy out your FIL then find him somewhere else to vacation at. He is clearly sounding lost which is every adult child with ageing parents concern.

[Laura2592]

@Frances3408 we are looking into it. The neighbors are interested to see if he will sell. We need to approach with care because he would never volunteer to sell and will only be interested if he thinks no one  else is. Otherwise the price goes way up and more wrangling and attention seeking ensues.