Harassed by the host - Airbnb won't take any action

[Pat8577]

I have been staying with the host E.E. since 16th Nov. The first half the stay everything was fine, but then the host started behaving in ways that made me feel deeply uncomfortable, made my living situation unliveable and I started fearing for my safety and wellbeing. 

First incident: he messaged me to ask to clean shower drain and after I advised him to add this cleaning expectation into his house rules, he proceeded to mock me and he was intimidating. There are screenshots to back this up.

Second incident: a parcel arrived for me from Amazon (ok'd by the host for me to order stuff to this address) and he dropped it on the floor, and when I asked him to be careful with my things because he could have broken what was inside, his only reply was - I am sorry to disturb you. This conversation took place face to face.

Yesterday: I have left the apartment and he followed me out yelling at me not to bang doors. I did not bang doors. 10min later he texts me that he cannot host my boyfriend. At the beginning of my stay I had asking him if it is ok for my boyfriend to come and stay Dec 3 - Dec 6 and he ok'd it. Now, one day before my boyfriend comes, he changes his mind. (I was later informed by Airbnb that there are extra guest charges, however I had not informed before by the host, nor asked to pay prior). 

Through the host's intimidating and aggressive behaviour, I no longer felt safe staying there for the duration of my trip. I was forced to book another hotel and leave asap. 

Sadly Airbnb's policies are in place to protect such behaviour by the host. I am deeply saddened. I am writing this post, because such behaviour by MEN GOING AROUND UNCHECKED HARASSING WOMEN should be highlighted and not condoned. 

[Emiel1]

@Pat8577 

At least you have the opportunity to mention in the review you felt uncomfortabe during your stay.

You can also report the host (via the flag-link in the profile)

What happened to the reservation ?

Did you cancel it or did you use a change request (shortening) ?

[Pat8577]

Thanks for letting me know about the flag-link @Emiel1 - I will look into it. 

I have tried to use change request, however the host cancelled it and Airbnb says that they can't do anything. The extra expense I had to sustain is not ideal, however I am much more worried about the host repeating this kind of behaviour towards the future guests. I was able to leave, but what about someone on a strict budget?

[Sarah977]

@Pat8577  I'm not sure why you see any of this as "Men going around harrassing women". 

I don't understand how you view being asked to clean the shower drain to be harrassment, and your response, that he should add this cleaning expectation to his house rules is quite immature.

Cleaning up after yourself in shared spaces does not have anything to do with "rules"- it's what respectful adults should do without being asked. If you are leaving hair in and on the shower drain, you should clean it up after yourself. Hosts are not your personal maids, and consideration for others, without having to be asked, is a reasonable expectation in a home share.

You seem to feel the host dropped your box on purpose? If so, that was rather passive-aggressive, but "I'm sorry to disturb you" in response to asking him to be careful doesn't sound rude or "harrassing" at all.

Obviously it's not okay for a host to yell at a guest, and it's not okay for a host to approve letting your  boyfriend stay and then renege on it, but it sounds to me like there is something about your behavior or attitude that has made the host irritated with you. I would also be irritated by your response to being asked to clean the shower drain after use, and it sounds like this is what triggered his change in attitude towards you, as things were fine before that.

[Pat8577]

@Sarah977 Thank you for your reply and thoughts.

I would like to reiterate that I did not refuse to clean the drain, I even said I don't mind. I have suggested for the host to add this expectation to the house rules, because in my experience it is unusual and I've never heard of it. Where I come from, even maids are not expected to clean shower drains - the principal of the apartment/house takes care of it. I had also not been informed of this expectation when I first arrived, and was only asked halfway through my stay.

Indeed that interaction marked a clear change of behaviour from the host and I increasingly became more and more uncomfortable, until I had to leave the apartment early, because I felt unsafe. Even if the host was irritated by my response, I do not believe it is an excuse to create such a hostile living situation.

[Mark116]

@Pat8577  I don't want to diminish your experience and feelings, but it sounds less like 'harassment' and more like a situation where the host/guest mutual expectations were not aligned and from your account, neither party handled things particularly well.  

[Lorna170]

@Pat8577   I think that I may have to agree with @Mark116 and @Sarah977 .  It may well be that your host had different expectations as to your cleaning habits while in a shared space, and a dirty shower drain may have been the last straw.  I don't think that he meant for you to take the drain apart and fish stuff out, but rather to tidy up all evidence of your having used the shower.  As an owner, I am often taken aback by the personal hygiene of some guests -- shavings left in or around sinks, long hair swirled in the drain heads, love products left in or under the beds, mishaps on the sheets.  My housekeeper and I will take care of these situations (with masks and gloves on), but it would be nice if the guests had better personal habits.

[Sarah977]

@Pat8577  "Where I come from, even maids are not expected to clean shower drains - the principal of the apartment/house takes care of it."

I see a misunderstanding here. The host was not expecting you to take the drain apart, he just meant to remove the hair which was sitting on and hanging down into the drain grate. 

I've had long hair most of my life, and if I don't do this after a shower, the drain gets plugged so that the next time I shower, the water pools around my feet. And if the hair caught up in the grate and hanging down into the drain isn't pulled out, it will eventually get washed down the drain and plug up the pipes, which then requires a expensive plumber call-out.

Plus, when people are sharing a shower, it's gross to be standing on other people's fallen-out hair.

[Helen427]

Hello @Pat8577 

The issue with cleaning out the shower drain is quite reasonable especially when it comes to hair lying in the shower or drains.

Some showers have an insert in the base that one can pop up and drain any items or bodily substances out of them.

Next time you stay somewhere, check these things and feel comfortable in yourself to ask.

All the best for your next stay and remember to be upfront about extra Guests and ask if there's any extra payments.

Life is about learning as we go.

Take it all as a lesson in life